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Should i dob in a dealer who i know is destroying a life?

A

AllHopeIsGone

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 24, 2011
Messages
6
A friend has currently been left by his wife. They had their problems yes, as all married couples do.
But his wifes lack of communication, and distance from family and friends is due to her
addiction to Pott.

He has tried to get her away from the stuff but to no avail.
Now their small problems have been magnified 10 fold by her addiction.
It has caused her not to be herself and has given up on the marrage like every other
relationship she has had.

Now the problem is, they were living with her father. He is a drug addict, and alcoholic
and a dealer. He knows her addiction caused the demise of many of her relationships
yet he feeds it to her continuously knowing full well what it does to her.

The terrible thing about this whole situation is not only my friends demise of his marrage
but there is a five year old girl living in the same house.
I know this will not help my friends marrage but my thoughts are, if I atleast call the
police on this man, her ready supply will be stopped.

The destructive nature of this man has to be stopped.
he casually sits back and watch's his daughter go through this same situation time and time
again and does nothing to help. Not to mention he has no regards for his grand daughter.

So my question is this, is the risk of her losing her kids if something is said, worth getting
her away from this destructive part of her life? I wish no ill harm to her but this cold
heartless drug addict/dealer needs to be stopped.

Looking forward to reading peoples opinions.
 
Do you really think you should be interfering with peoples lifes like that? If you call the police on her father it won't stop his daughter getting cannabis if she wants it, and it will make you a massive scumbag.
 
hahahaha .. so i take it your a drug user too? Or maybe even a dealer? .. Hence the "scumbag" comment.

Your opinion is irrellevant in that case. But in saying that, how does one sit back and do nothing?
He is a dealer, he is an enabler. Not to mention he is doing this to his own daughter!

Do people not have morals or sould these days?
 
Theres a fine line that you walk when it comes to helping an addict. Some absolutely do not want to be helped while others do but succumb and let their addiction rule their life. If I was in your shoes, I'd try to sit and have a serious but not confrontational conversation with your friend first and show her what you see. Some people dont realize the destruction they are doing to themselves and to others around them. Tell her how it makes you feel. Those "I messages" can sometimes have an impact. Dont expect her to stop right away either. Tell her if she needs a place to chill out for a while to remove herself from the situation she is in that you would help her. Give her options if you can. But, involving the law would be the last thing I would do as it could destroy any trust she has with you. Not that its your fault, but I would only do it if necessary. Now, if the child is truly in immediate danger, you could notify social services and they will take your tip anonymously (as would law enforcement of course) but I seriously look down on children being around things like that. If not, then the child could be used as some serious leverage in your convo if she cares about her kid as a mother should. Addiction is just tricky and hard for anyone involved to deal with.

Those are my feelings, maybe others have better ideas.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ This site should have some good info for you. I remember using it in my Social Services class I took in college (social worker is what I want to be). Good luck!

Also make sure you let her know that you stand behind her 100% and will help her no matter what if she is serious about helping take better control of her self/life. She needs to know that someone cares because obviously, if what you said is true, her father does not care.
 
AllHopeIsGone said:
hahahaha .. so i take it your a drug user too? Or maybe even a dealer? .. Hence the "scumbag" comment.

Your opinion is irrellevant in that case. But in saying that, how does one sit back and do nothing?
He is a dealer, he is an enabler. Not to mention he is doing this to his own daughter!

Do people not have morals or sould these days?
Click to expand...

If you're not looking for opinions from drug users, THEN WHY DID YOU COME TO BLUELIGHT??????

you are 100% a troll.
 
Calling the cops is pretty low, man. Unless the child is being forced to consume drugs or is physically endangered I don't think it should come to that.
 
aveoturbo said:
Because there are some of us who have been in thses shoes and we are supposed to support harm reduction. This would definitely fit the description of harm reduction.
Click to expand...

this has nothing to do with harm reduction. harm reduction is about drug education not calling the police on cannabis dealers.
 
Thanks for the advice aveoturbo.
I put it to you like this, what if i was the husband?
What if no matter how much ive tried, no matter how much love ive shown, no matter how calm
and caring i sounded when trying to confront her addiction, it is just fallen upon def ears?
Then im blamed for her addiction. Im blamed for her having to deal with it.
What if ive tried to get her out and she just makes excuse after excuse not to leave her
ready "free" supply.
 
You dont wish her any harm? but you may help her lose a kid?
Dont be a grass. Stick to your own business, busy c...!
 
Watson, he is her father. Whome is supplying her with a drug he knows has destroyed
a 13yr relationship where she had 2 kids aswell. Then he see's what it has been doing do her marrage
yet sits there pumping her full of it. What sort of father does that?

Would you do it to your kids?

Im not going to dob. I am just desperate to find another avenue to get my wife away from this destruction.
She may have left me but i made vows. I intend to keep them. Im just desperate to know what i can do?!
 
watsons torment said:
this has nothing to do with harm reduction. harm reduction is about drug education not calling the police on cannabis dealers.
Click to expand...

How is this not harm reduction? Dude wants to help a friend/wife(?) overcome a drug addiction. He came here asking for help. Drug addiction education is most certainly harm reduction. If you were in his shoes, you would see this very differently. Although I agree that calling the police should be the last resort, he came asking for support. You should be well aware of this seeing as how it looks from your post count that you have been here for a while. Plus there is a child involved. Lets help a fellow member out instead of criticizing their question and calling them a troll. I also think this should be in the Dark Side forum but thats for the mods to decide.
 
Last edited:
Homegrownuk said:
You dont wish her any harm? but you may help her lose a kid?
Dont be a grass. Stick to your own business, busy c...!
Click to expand...

If he is the husband then more than likely he would get custody of the kid and this totally makes it his business. He stuck it out for 13 years and says he has tried to help her. Its a catch 22. Somebody will be/feel hurt. Ultimately now knowing that he was the husband, I feel that his first priority would be to remove the child from the situation. If that was your kid, would you want that person hanging around your child? Its easy to criticize when you have an outsiders point of view.
 
She isnt my child. She is from her frist relationship.
When we married she hardly touched the drug. More a recreation user. Then uncontrollable circumstances
forced us to move to her fathers. I didnt know at the time he was a dealer until we had moved in.
I look at her children as my own. I care for them as deeply if not deeper than their own father.

I have tried with ever ounce of breath i have to get her away from the drug but to no avail.
I am at a loss. She doesnt communicate. She just turns to the pott and forgets.
Becomes numb. And is now getting parranoid. Not to mention has distanced herself from a man
who was only trying to love her and help her.

I dont know what else to do. She has shut off all communication and shut herself off from
everyone around her. Except her father. I need to find another way.

I know she will never take me back but i love her, i love those kids, i made vows i intend to
keep. Even if it means losing her all together from my life. She deserves better than this.
 
OP, if your asking for help, please disclose these details in the opening post. Its your best chance to get the most out of the forum.

All I am going to say from here on out is do what your heart tells you to do. Alanon is a great resource and you can call them and they can give you the best advice for this situation. You are not the only who has been in this situation, and, you certainly wont be the last. I have said what I know. You have my sympathy and prayers.
 
aveturbo, read the first post again, read the thread title. he did not come here asking for help or advice over wifes abuse of cannabis, rather he asked if grassing in her dealer father was a good idea, there is a big difference.

but post #11 by AllHopeIsGone changes things, as he now says he is the husband, and asks for advice on what to do - he should have done this in the first place and also not stated that drug users opinions on the matter are invalid... thus my response

this thread is probably better suited to the dark side or sex, love and relationships.

AllHopeIsGone, I feel for you man, sounds like you're still very much in love with this women and care for the kids and it must hurt a lot to see her doing something you perceive as harmful. I really don't think that getting the police involved with her father is going to make her want to use pot any less, you've got a good chance of making things even worse by doing that. I'm sure that if she wants cannabis that bad, this day in age she'll be able to find it easy enough even without her father.

You can't make the decision for her to stop smoking cannabis, you can only talk to her about her use, try and find out why she wants to be stoned all the time, why she is cutting every one off and then offer to help her work through the problems she is trying to hide from. this is obviously going to be tough if she does not want to speak to you.

I wish you luck anyway dude
 
Im sorry. I just dont know who to turn to or what to do.
Ive tried to talk to her but i get shut out or yelled at the minute i try.

My world has been turned upside down. And to see her go through what she is
and feel she cant turn to her husband for help, means there is something bigger
going on but she turns to the drugs to forget.

Which in turn has made her forget it is effecting her kids and her husband.
I just dont know what to do??? Im sorry i wasnt honest from the beggining.

Thanks for the well wishes.

AllHopeIsGone
 
watsons torment said:
aveturbo, read the first post again, read the thread title. he did not come here asking for help or advice over wifes abuse of cannabis, rather he asked if grassing in her dealer father was a good idea, there is a big difference.
Click to expand...

I know what he was asking in his first post. I am against turning her and her dad in until its the last option. I think ultimately you and I are on the same page as you have said the same thing I have. I think the fact that he left out crucial details at first is why you were "against" me. But if you read my posts, then read your last post, you will see that we have said nearly the same things. The most crucial thing here is getting the child out of the situation it is in. I am all for experimenting with things safely, but when a child is involved there comes a time when a person needs to take responsibility. He said he is trying but is looking for fresh ideas.

Its a shitty situation and I also think the OP may have been a crutch for her at some point and maybe still is. People can enable others without knowing it and it doesnt make one a bad person, but damage control needs to be done ASAP. If she doesnt want the help, then there isn't much that can be done, but, the dad needs to step up whether its the OP or the biological dad and make sure the child is taken care of.
 
AllHopeIsGone said:
hahahaha .. so i take it your a drug user too? Or maybe even a dealer? .. Hence the "scumbag" comment.

Your opinion is irrellevant in that case. But in saying that, how does one sit back and do nothing?
He is a dealer, he is an enabler. Not to mention he is doing this to his own daughter!

Do people not have morals or sould these days?
Click to expand...

you may mean well but wtf? call the cops? who are you to call the cops?
First off maybe she goes to someone else for stuff and gets murdered or raped or robbed or she gets arrested. Maybe the dad turns her in. Maybe she kills her self. NO don't invade her life and try to make a choice for her she does not wan't you to make. Its not your place, and you have no right. If he was messing with your wife, your kid, or your life I would say sure call the cops but he is not.

People have to make there own choices, mistakes, and live there own lifes. You would do no good to call the cops just leave it be. Clearly she makes the same mistake over and over, she prob stays out of trouble by going to her dad maybe thats why he does it so she doesn't have to go somewhere else. Ever think of that?
 
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