Heroin Short relapse after detox

[Kennethjalla83]

Ok so iam playing with fire again Need some thought's from people with experience.
I have been struggling with addiction most of my life, for the most part, lyrica, benzos, different opiods+++.
Was clean 2.5 years before i started playing with Heroin earlier this year, was back in addiction 4-5 months before i recently whent in to detox that i finnished and whent home from 10 days ago. Was doing well and getting back to normal routines. Then this weekend i was stupid and drank some beers beliving i could handle it, 2 beers normally goes fine but i whent up a notch til 4 this time and lost contol on my urges. Long story short i convinced myself i could have 1 last controlled relapse on H. Bought 1gram and binged all sunday, then a small dose monday morning and this morning. Was feeling fine when i woke up today but weaknes took over as i had more stored away for next weekend. Thinking its better to just get rid if it, so i dont have to think about it all day. Just wanna get back on track and stop again before i go to far. My last heroin dose was in the morning 4th october then had a 4 day buprenorphine taper, so it was 15 days since heroin and 19 days since any opioid at time of the relapse. Was still experiencing some PAWS like loose belly, poor sleep and elevated hearth rate but otherwise i was totally normal again. Could possibly be some benzo wd's lingering also. Feeling a little scared i will be back to start when stopping again now, so what do people think? Will i be fine ending it again after under 72 hours of relapse?
Supposed to start weekly drug testing to help myself, but luckily i can call in sick this week and begin next week. Wasnt even feeling as gd as i remembered so its been feeling like a waste of hard work.

 

[darvocet21]

I think you should be very happy that you can get drunk that's always a good sign that the reset button has been hit on the opioid receptors. I'm not going to judge but "controlled relapse" makes me chuckle. Been there done that and I love how you used a nice round number of 1 gram. Didn't f*** around with percentages I would have done the same

You going to be just fine. I don't know what it is they put in the DOPE I mean seriously it made me sick after 3 days and I just felt like s*** for like 2 days it's almost like you now have to be sick for exactly 2/3 the time used for. No good No bueno

Btw what does Lyrica feel like? Will it make me a better song writer

 

[Kennethjalla83]

I think you should be very happy that you can get drunk that's always a good sign that the reset button has been hit on the opioid receptors. I'm not going to judge but "controlled relapse" makes me chuckle. Been there done that and I love how you used a nice round number of 1 gram. Didn't f*** around with percentages I would have done the same

You going to be just fine. I don't know what it is they put in the boat I mean seriously it made me sick after 3 days and I just felt like s*** for like 2 days it's almost like you now have to be sick for exactly 2/3 the time used for. It's not good mess


What does Lyrica feel like?

Yeah, didnt even get drunk just a gd boost, also i have many other gd signs telling me i had a gd reset like feeling joy from small things in life. And yes i totally agree on the controlled relapse, its usually no such thing and merely an excuse. Couldn't save anything for later so i just decided to get rid of it once and for all then deal with the next days. Can't be that bad and i have som good excersice routines to help me feel better the coming days. 1g is because they wouldn't let me buy 0.5 So i ended up with twice as much as intented.
Lyrica... In the beginning it feels almost like beeing buzzed on some beers with bigger amounts of euphoria and a great mood, its also a catalyst for all opiods/other drugs. And it can also make u extremely dizzy, uncomfortable and constipated like never before, but i used to love it. Today i hate it though as it was a hell to come off after 6 years on it, i started taking it to deal with opioid WD's and ended up being addicted to both plus clonazepam and the withdrawals was never ending and as bad if not worse than the heaviest benzos in my opinion.

 

[darvocet21]

Yeah, didnt even get drunk just a gd boost, also i have many other gd signs telling me i had a gd reset like feeling joy from small things in life.

Bam! The big things in life are actually the little things but they never tell you in school.

And yes i totally agree on the controlled relapse, its usually no such thing and merely an excuse. Couldn't save anything for later so i used decided to get rid of it once and for all then deal with the next days.

Next time don't do that. Forward that s*** to me for disposal ( kidding but not but I am because I hate the pathetic excuse for a drug that's being marketed as "heroin" ... dope dealers used to take pride in their product but no longer..... what the f*** is wrong with these drug dealers today they have zero professionalism. What happened to Omar? And Flaco!

Want to hear a funny story? A year after I got on the methadone program I met Flaco in line at the methadone clinic. Poignant? He smiled sheepishly and I nodded respectfully.. we both knew the score.

Cant be that bad and i have som good excersice routine to help me feel better. 1g is because they 7wouldn't let me buy 0.5

They wouldn't let you buy half a gram. Outrageous! Didn't they KNOW you were kicking??

So i ended up with twice as much as intented.

ISN'T it always like that when you don't want it you got more of it than you need and when you need it you got none. the FUCK!!!

I'm pissed this morning and I'm taking names. It's all going down in my report. God willing it will all be sorted out in the great methadone clinic in the sky.

Lyrica... In the beginning it feels almost like beeing buzzed on some beers with bigger amounts of euphoria and a great mood, its also a catalyst for all opiods/other drugs. And it can also make u extremely dizzy, uncomfortable and constipated like never before, but i used to love it. Today i hate it though as it was a hell to come off after 6 years on it, i started taking it to deal with opioid WD's and ended up being addicted to both plus clonazepam and the withdrawals was never ending and as bad if not worse than the heaviest benzos in my opinion.

Sounds okay I guess but it's hard to top beers when it comes to euphoria

 

[Kennethjalla83]

Bam! The big things in life are actually the little things but they never tell you in school.


Next time don't do that. Forward that s*** to me for disposal ( kidding but not but I am because I hate the pathetic excuse for a drug that's being marketed as "heroin" ... dope dealers used to take pride in their product but no longer..... what the f*** is wrong with these drug dealers today they have zero professionalism. What happened to Omar? And Flaco!

Want to hear a funny story? A year after I got on the methadone program I met Flaco in line at the methadone clinic. Poignant? He smiled sheepishly and I nodded respectfully.. we both knew the score.


They wouldn't let you buy half a gram. Outrageous! Didn't they KNOW you were kicking??


ISN'T it always like that when you don't want it you got more of it than you need and when you need it you got none. the FUCK!!!

I'm pissed this morning and I'm taking names. It's all going down in my report. God willing it will all be sorted out in the great methadone clinic in the sky.


Sounds okay I guess but it's hard to top beers when it comes to euphoria

Yeah they actually know i was kicking, but they always use the same lie about it ni5 being them holding it so the guy they get it from only sells a certain amount blablabla, we had to pay more for it this time blablabla. I've been raining money on them the past 4/5 months so i guess their trying to keep me hooked. Its along time ago since i understood it was all bullshit because of their paranoia and its been bogging me for as long. But this time was for sure the last. Whats done is done even tough i regret it a little bit but i always try to live in the presence so i will just stop amd continue going forward. Ofcourse i will forward it the next time that hopefully will never happen.. Just get the frustration out man iam fine with that, almost nothing bothers me anymore so i have no problems with that. On the other hand... Myself and my own choices sometimes irritate the shit out of me. But tomorrow is sober life 2.0, hitting the gym first thing in the morning and going back no naturally please my opioid receptors.

 

[darvocet21]

Yeah they actually know i was kicking, but they always use the same lie about it ni5 being them holding it so the guy they get it from only sells a certain amount blablabla, we had to pay more for it this time blablabla. I've been raining money on them the past 4/5 months so i guess their trying to keep me hooked. Its along time ago since i understood it was all bullshit because of their paranoia and its been bogging me for as long. But this time was for sure the last. Whats done is done even tough i regret it a little bit but i always try to live in the presence so i will just stop amd continue going forward. Ofcourse i will forward it the next time that hopefully will never happen.. Just get the frustration out man iam fine with that, almost nothing bothers me anymore so i have no problems with that. On the other hand... Myself and my own choices sometimes irritate the shit out of me. But tomorrow is sober life 2.0, hitting the gym first thing in the morning and going back no naturally please my opioid receptors.

One day at a time. And if necessary hour by hour or moment-by-moment