Shooting Coffee

[New]

Is shooting up coffee considered a relapse?
How about registering the needle and seeing the blood?
And plunging it back in and finding out it's ketamine?
And enjoying every second and doing it again as you please?
How about plugging ecstasy and dancing all night?
Feeling the heartbeat of creation that's just out of sight?
Not reason to fall, no reason to fight?
How about dextromethorphan pills under black light?
Listening to techno just chillin' in bed?
Just forgetting you have no body or head?
Even after you puke all over your robe?
Staring into the flashing strobe?
Amphetamine amphetamine burning bright!
Making all morning turn into all night!!
Jacking off into all morning into the worthless fight!!!
Psychotic walls psychotic homes psychotic lights!!!!
Turn off my life turn off my morning turn off my night!!!!!
Is this what I clamor for when I want to get high?
Fuck that shit, I'd rather go out and die!!!

 

[(Wordy)]

Nice one Samael.

Caffeine remains my drug of choice...

 

[leiphos]

The ending is just okay, but otherwise this is fucking awesome. I like how you shift from themes (i.e. injecting, to amphetamines and their "!"'s). "Making all morning turn into all night!!" is my favorite line, but probably only because I've experienced said phenomenon. Overall, I would say that this is a wonderful poem and you should just keep going, please. My creative writing professors would say "Keep Going!" if they saw this poem, just because it's so short and so damn good; it has potential that is yet to be fully exploited. Once you get the full thing down on paper/m.s.word, edit it from there. I think there's a lot more you could say, and judging by the quality of your writing, it should all be pretty good. The trick from here will be figuring out what to cut and what to save.

Awesome poem, man, overall. I've never shot up coffee, but I've shot up lots of other drugs, and I know exactly where you're coming from. But that's just me, the druggie I am. The point I want to make is that other people -- non druggies -- will get this. Even people who have never shot up like us. They should understand the emotion that you convey through the language. That is why this is a strong poem.

Please keep going with it. I want to see the final draft!

Peace.

 

[New]

The ending is as it should be. Let's just say that much.

 

[Mehm]

awesome. i fucking love raving :D

 

[New]

I just wanted to say thanks for the criticism and the comments, both are appreciated.