She is my bipolar.

[hiphophippy]

She is my Bipolar.
a switch of neither place.
For her sometimes I'm empty
and others full of grace.

She is my Bipolar.
A siren in her form
she may be the death of me
or life; I'm sorely torn

She is my Bipolar
My love for her is great
but shared collective memories
do fill us both with hate

She is my Bipolar
Of her I've been deprived
and it's my will to have her back
that's now my only drive

She is my Bipolar
My lust for life is gone
irony, my love for you
'swhat keeps me going on

She is my Bipolar
But loves like this are few
and if I had you back to me
I'll forever prove that true.

 

[copelandia.]

Dude, i'm in the same position, I feel you brother. Perhaps she has BPD though man...

 

[herbavore]

She's you, no?

 

[hiphophippy]

Dude, i'm in the same position, I feel you brother. Perhaps she has BPD though man...

She was molested through her childhood and I'm the one motherfucker that hasn't fucking ditched her after I told her I loved her. Most people say it to get in he pants. We haven't even had sex. I refuse to do anything but make love to her. General commitment issues... Fear and insecurity of men who don't want to sexually exploit her. It's fucked up. But I love her and I'm committed to her. She's made huge bounds in the past year. So as much pain as it causes me every day I have to for her benefit so one day we may be together.

 

[hiphophippy]

She's you, no?

If that's how you interpret it yes. It's art man, we derive our own meanings.

 

[CoffeeDrinker]

Very good poetry! Excellent writing my man, keep contributing.

 

[herbavore]

She was molested through her childhood and I'm the one motherfucker that hasn't fucking ditched her after I told her I loved her. Most people say it to get in he pants. We haven't even had sex. I refuse to do anything but make love to her. General commitment issues... Fear and insecurity of men who don't want to sexually exploit her. It's fucked up. But I love her and I'm committed to her. She's made huge bounds in the past year. So as much pain as it causes me every day I have to for her benefit so one day we may be together.

deriving my own meaning aside, I'm glad for the clarification. As for the subject of the poem, she is a very strong girl to set her boundaries for healing as she has and she is very lucky to have you on her side. Best to both of you and I really like the poem the way I first interpreted it and how you intended it.

 

[hiphophippy]

Copy pasted from a chat. for anyone interested what this romance looks like.
(sans a few hours of some talking that seems inappropriate to post here)
M:me
H:her
---------------------------------
M:seven minutes in heaven with you is worth eternal damnation

H:that's the sweetest thing ever.
EVER


M:mwah
guess what

H:wha

M:nows the part where I kiss you delicately on the lips while I hold your hand and roll my head back and tell you quitely
I love you now
I'll love you forever
forever you'll be
my one true love

H:I love you. ILYILYILYILYILY


M:and 50 years latter
as my wrinkly old face
lays opposed to yours
I'll kiss you delicately while I hold your hand and ten roll my head back and tell you quitely
I love you now
I'll love you forever
forever you'll be
my one true love

H:you're crazy for still loving meee...

M:I'm crazy in love you

H:why?

M:It's inexplicable I should by all rights beopposed to the thought. but down inside of me in that finiyk spiritual part that you don't like
there is the strongest will and desire I have
to love you
and I do
I love YOU
nothing about you
nothing you do
nothing you've done
everything
all of you
you
and your existence

H:you're so beyond amazing.. i can't find words...

M:me either

H:not... sleepy.. xD


M:like you say
you always ask
what I'll do
when you're old and wrinkly
and I say everything I did before
because
I'll enjoy your youth while it here
but its not you
and it will pass
but you won't
you can stay with me forever

H:I WILL
not can

M:Didn't want to make the decision for you

H:well I did.
I know

M:you do?

H:Yes. If there's a heaven or some astroid belt we all go to... I wanna be there with you

M:My heaven is here, with you

H:Mine is there

*she falls asleep*

 

[hiphophippy]

This is now a blog about my love life.
She is pregnant
with another mans child
the same asshole who was the main deterrent of her getting out of that cycle.
I already wanted to kill him.
and now I really want to kill him.
but not only that he pretty much raped her to make her pregnant.
so I really really want to kill him
BUT OH FUCKING NO on top of that
The only thing he said to her when she told him was "well let me know when you find out, my family will take care of it."
Oh man. I and he really better hop I don't run into him in the next few lifetimes.

 

[CoffeeDrinker]

Hmm...this part would worry me if I cared about this situation:

H:Yes. If there's a heaven or some astroid belt we all go to... I wanna be there with you

M:My heaven is here, with you

H:Mine is there

She seems to be specifically saying that in her current life she can't be with you, and that things are too complicated for her to just be with you. As is obviously the case. Girls with other men still in the picture are worth moving on from, because people are people, and other people are still people too, ya know? Not a single person on the face of the planet isn't a person, and they're all just people.

This too: H:you're crazy for still loving meee...

Not the greatest sign of you being anything other than a friend. But I obviously know nothing about this situation, but I do know people, generally, and I'm just telling you of my impression of the whole thing. Are you working on making yourself less-unfuckable in her eyes? She wants her man to be strong and manly. She just does...

I'd certainly hope you're getting sex elsewhere while you live out this unbalanced emotional affair, made all the more unbalanced by your inappropriate pronouncement and over-emphasis of love, but whatever, the world is imperfect, and that's what makes writing anything worthwhile.

What concerns me as a mod is the fact you want to turn this into a blog, this is specifically against the rules, and there is a perfectly accessible Blog section of bluelight, so I'll keep this thread open if you make this thread a collection of your poetry about this situation, but blog-like posts aren't allowed in this section.

 

[hiphophippy]

Hmm...this part would worry me if I cared about this situation:

H:Yes. If there's a heaven or some astroid belt we all go to... I wanna be there with you

M:My heaven is here, with you

H:Mine is there

She seems to be specifically saying that in her current life she can't be with you, and that things are too complicated for her to just be with you. As is obviously the case. Girls with other men still in the picture are worth moving on from, because people are people, and other people are still people too, ya know? Not a single person on the face of the planet isn't a person, and they're all just people.

This too: H:you're crazy for still loving meee...

Not the greatest sign of you being anything other than a friend. But I obviously know nothing about this situation, but I do know people, generally, and I'm just telling you of my impression of the whole thing. Are you working on making yourself less-unfuckable in her eyes? She wants her man to be strong and manly. She just does...

I'd certainly hope you're getting sex elsewhere while you live out this unbalanced emotional affair, made all the more unbalanced by your inappropriate pronouncement and over-emphasis of love, but whatever, the world is imperfect, and that's what makes writing anything worthwhile.

What concerns me as a mod is the fact you want to turn this into a blog, this is specifically against the rules, and there is a perfectly accessible Blog section of bluelight, so I'll keep this thread open if you make this thread a collection of your poetry about this situation, but blog-like posts aren't allowed in this section.

As stated
She is my Bipolar
My lust for life is gone
irony, my love for you
'swhat keeps me going on

There are two reasons I haven't ended my life, Her and the fact that I know I can improve my community for the better.

 

[CoffeeDrinker]

Shit I could've sworn I deleted the "are you working on making yourself less unfuckable" part of it. I didn't mean to ask that. Firstly, as I stated before, I can't really care about this situation, second it's an obviously inappropriate thing to say.

Anyway, the part of it that actually does interest me: the intense emotions you feel from this situation, and for this girl, are bound to be all twisted up and eventually leave you flat for a long time. You need to work on getting out and experiencing life as much as possible. You can only milk so much literature out of this situation, but you might as well write as much as possible while you're living through it. This situation is only capable of so many revelations for you, but let me tell you this now, nothing really changes, only attitudes change. If this girl isn't with you now, and you say your undying love for her now, she probably feels she can do whatever the fuck she wants, it's not like you're going to cheat on her. You haven't given her a reason to want to be with her right now. You've said you're willing to wait for ever. Do you really think the type of text based conversation you two engaged in is at all rare occurrence these days? No! It's an easy way out for people who dont like to go out and get their hands dirty, and boys who don't get any action like to pretend they are having real, soul-ful conversations with the girl of their dreams while the girl goes out and lives life and gets knocked up and all the rest of it.

What I don't like to hear is this: "M:and 50 years latter...etc."
You are underestimating and undervaluing the power and magnitude of a single year, let alone fifty of them. Your time is the MOST PRECIOUS thing you have. I've gone through unbelievable changes for the worst and for the best within the span of a few months, and a year later I'd look back on my life and be in disbelief that a single year went by, it seemed like much more happened. Go out and get angry and do something about it, whether or not it's a stupid action doesn't matter, the stupidest action is better than all these words. "nows the part where I kiss you delicately on the lips" You're never going to kiss her if you keep texting her that you want to kiss her, for practical reasons and for emotional reasons.