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Sexual relations with your (grown up) students?

Jamshyd

Jamshyd

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Aug 26, 2003
Messages
15,492
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Not on a train, sadly.
I guess it is inevitable when teaching in Thailand, that I find a boi or two who like men in my classes. There are a couple of guys in my 12th grade (so 17 - 19 years old?... I'm 23) who seem to like me... one of them goes as far as blowing me kisses in the air and wrapping his arms around me.

To make things clear - I am only considering those particular students because they are grown up. I feel disgusted by the idea of sleeping with a minor. But I don't consider these young men as minors. On top of that, I honestly don't see this going anywhere, I'm simply entertaining a little fantasy I had today while the one guy was rubbing my leg...

btw, there are no rules in my contract against relationships with students, and several thai teachers admit to having had them!

So what do you guys think?
 
Go for it.

Something that makes you happy is never wrong. Well most of the time.
 
Well shit, dude, you sure seem to be living it up over there in Siam with all them friendly locals! =D

On one hand, if there's any reason you like or want or need your current job, don't hit that. Yeah I'm sure some of the dudes you teach with have bragged about laying a student or two. But being a foreigner there, you stick out, and people are paying more close attention to your business than to other teachers there. I got asked to leave my first ESL job in a Taiwanese middle school for chewing out a roomful of asshole kids and leaving for my apartment across the street to take naps during the school day -- things established Taiwanese teachers did openly all the time.

Plus, in a country as tolerant of homosexuality as Thailand, is it REALLY that hard to meet guys who are not your students?

On the other hand, you've said in a lot of posts you don't even like Bangkok or want to stay there long term. If there wouldn't potentially be severe repercussions for you or the student (besides you being shitcanned), go ahead and hit that.
 
Most institutes of learing would consider this unethical at best. You're in a posistion of authority. You have the ability to affect someone's life (through grades, etc) and that requires you to be responsible and act like an adult.

I don't know what the age of consent is in Thailand but I thinks it's irrelevant anyway. You're there for a specific reason and I would assume it is not to have sex with your students. I could be wrong.

Now with all that being said, if I were you and found myself a hot 19 year old girl that needed, ahem, 'extra credit', I would certainly make a hypocrite of myself.

Tuff call. Good luck.
 
GenericMind said:
I think it's unethical.
Click to expand...

I do as well -- in addition to the enormous potential for drama. It detracts from the learning environment.

It's natural to have crushes on the cute teacher (hell, I live with one, though I was never his student). But wait until the cutie is no longer your student before you put the moves on him.

<3
 
Yea atleast wait til after you no longer have a teacher-student relationship going on if you are going to do anything.
 
Don't shit where you eat, or something like that. I wouldn't start an intimate relationship with someone who I've got power over, vise versa or in a professional environment where I'm forced to see them everyday.
 
I feel that age isn't the issue here, but rather the elements of power. He is a student, and you are a teacher. There is an uneven distribution of power(you having more) and so it can never be a relationship of equals. I would say look for someone outside of your classroom.

I had a huge crush on a professor while I was in college, and even having that crush distracted me from what was going on in the class. I can't imagine if actual sexual relations were ever involved!!!
 
I have to agree with the "somewhat unethical" reasoning behind this situation. the power difference is great, and if you do decide to get together with a student, you should at least wait until he's no longer an actual student of yours.

It makes for a good porno scene set-up, but is much trickier in real life I'm sure.
 
At this point in time, no matter how hot you think it is, people would find you to be creepy for having sex with your students.

And like MyDoorsAreOpen said-- you can find plenty of eager young men in Thailand; it's best to look somewhere else.

I'm sure it feels good to have students that are hott for teacher. :D
 
One of the greatest things about going into the higher-education instruction is that you have access to 18-19 year old girls for your entire career...

/sleaze

But, I agree you should DEFINITELY wait until after the semester ends to start something up. Not only might you face legal issues (in the US this is definitely there I don't know about Thailand), but like some others said it makes the environment for the student less than conducive for learning. Teaching the students should be your number one priority, and if you sleep with one you may not be able to offer that person the same kind of quality education as if you had refrained.

just my thoughts, I'm a teacher also so I've thought about this.
 
Hmmm... I guess I expected these replies. Here are some points to keep in mind guys.

1. I am most certainly NOT in a position of power! I am actually not allowed to fail the students (and they know it). Also, the hierarchy goes as such: Parents > Thai Teachers > Students > Foreign Teachers (in order of race - so I am below the white ones but above the Chinese teacher!)

2. The students aren't really attractive (as I mentioned elsewhere, I have not met a single attractive thai man!). I'm just loving the attention =D

3. That said, there is something about being a teacher (stunted in power as I am) that makes the student taboo particularly interesting...

4. My ONLY problem really is the risk of a "scandal" so to speak. I likely won't be fired, but I would be in such a position that I'd just have to quit...

Thanks for all the feed back! keep em cummin' ;).
 
I think that as long as they are NO LONGER your students its ok, but if they're in your class thats inappropriate.
 
You really shouldn't be flirting with your students or letting them rub your leg in my opinion. There are clear boundaries in the student-teacher relationship no matter what culture you are in that shouldn't be crossed. Once you are no longer their teacher do whatever you want and have fun with it. But while you are getting paid to educate you should NOT be crossing any boundaries like that. Its just unethical and sorry but in the workplace, especially in education, ethics are important!

You also shouldn't let them hug you. I would recommend having a "personal space" of 3 feet in radius around you that students are not allowed to cross except for a handshake or "high five" on occasion. Further, 23 is vastly more mature than 17-29. Hell I'd say 23 is vastly more mature than 20 or 21. These are BOYS just as you described them. You are a man (or atleast bordering on manhood depending on your emotional development).
 
exarkann said:
ethics are lame.
Click to expand...
ethical systems derived from appeals to 'higher powers' or religious tradition are lame.

ethical systems derived from reason and consensus among rational adults in the society you live in are not lame.
 
^ Since most replies above still mention power, I assume you have not read my update (post 13). If you have, can you explain how your opinions fit into these circumstances?

(in any case, I am now working on hooking up with men older than myself outside school (since I'm more attracted to older men anyway) - but I'd still like to discuss this issue for curiousity)

note to aanalien: while I appreciate your advice about workplace ethic (and will follow it wrt personal space), I want to note that "boys" (like "twinks") is a common way in the gay community to discuss a guy younger than you in a sexual context. While you are right that 23 is more mature than 18, it is still quite common for gay people to have these very relationships (even down to 16 years old - although that's certainly not something I'd do)) in any culture and it wouldn't be seen as some kind of paedophelia. Again, I am not disputing what you're saying, just clarifying :).
 
^ I'm just saying from a developmental standpoint 23 yrs old is a HUGE milestone in terms of growing up. Most people once they hit 23 enter a really different mindset about life, goals, and other people. Below 23 people are still very much kids - they have a limited outlook on life and aren't very mature (physically, emotionally, and intellectually). I've found that the older you get, the greater an age discrepancy can exist between partners in a relationship. Below 18 even a single year can present challenges but by 23 a few years isn't a big deal. By the time you're 30-40 you could have up to a decade age difference without a lot of issues. This is all tied into development and maturity. As a teacher I work with people age 13-18 years old. They are by no means matured developmentally and I consider them children still. I think it is inappropriate, not only legally, but morally, for adults to have relationships with children. There is a power imbalance in such a relationship and it isn't fair to the lesser developed person to be in such a situation. Anyway that's my opinion on matters. Not to mention that as a teacher I look at my students as my children or little siblings. I watch them grow up through the school year. Any thought of sexual contact with them just seems disgusting.
 
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