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sexual compatability

Shady Kaity

Shady Kaity

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 3, 2009
Messages
504
Location
dirty jersey
How can I make my relationship work despite us being sexually incompatable?

We are so very much in love and have been dating for a year and three months now. Everything else is great, except the frequency of sex, and I guess sexual extroversion? If that makes sense, like for example, right now I was super horny and told him to come over and he's backing out bc my stupid mother is downstairs. I guess afraid to take risks or something.

How can we make it work?
 
I can't believe you have lasted this long in spite of your sexual incompatibility. isn't that always one of the first couple things that are fleshed out when two enter a LTR? for example, if I want to bone every day and my g/f only wants to bone once every week - I would know I have a problem

however, not wanting to get it on because your mom was downstairs is understandable. just the other day I was visiting my gf's family, and she had a couple family members downstairs, late at night. she really wanted to get it on, but I wasn't too keen on the idea at all. well, let's just say she is a great "motivational speaker" with her unique skills of "oration" - and I went along with it anyways
 
Well yeah I mean I guess I understand that to a degree...but it really would have been a fool proof plan!
In the beginning of the relationship we had sex alllllll the time like everyday if not multiple times a day. For like the first six months....it used to be he'd be begging me to have sex and id be like geez gimme a little to recooperate lol...and then it just did a complete turn around where its at the point of sex once a week if that...idk what it is...but it really affects my self esteem. And the likes.
We used to b so freaky too with sexy costumes hand cuffs smacking flavored lubes crazy positions taking pictures and videos. Everything. But no more...:(
I've tried lots of things to help get his sex drive back and nothing seems to work...so now I just want to know how I can remain sane with such little sexual play and not be so damn insecure about it so we can stay together
 
maybe he is just not in the mood?

what does he say when you talk to him about it?

I would agree with axl, start sucking his dick more.
 
Yeah I have asked him if he is...and honestly we really are together most of the time when he's not at school or at work...but I still question it it so I keep track of his phone somewhat. But I really do trust that he wouldn't cheat, I'm just insecure.
And I. Love sucking him off! That's definitely not the issue....
I think tomorrow at some point I'm going to surprise him and just take off his pants wherever we are in the house and blow him. Maybe that would spice things back up...but ikm just afraid he maybe wo nt be into it or tell me to stop and I dnt want to be rejected it honestly does hurt my self esteem and feelings.
Opinions on this idea of a spontaneous bj?
 
im with axl on this issue.

either youre sexually compatible, or youre not.

attraction can only get a couple so far. there are three key factors in compatibility. love and or attraction/sex/emotional need.

only you can truly weigh up each factor and assess whether or not you and your s/o are compatible in these areas and can make it work.

good luck <3

...kytnism...:|
 
bagochina said:
maybe he is just not in the mood?
Click to expand...

Contrary to popular belief, sometimes guys just aren't in the mood (suprising right?). Maybe he feels awkward with someone else in the house. He might be more conservative about sex, or have anxiety/fear of her walking in. Also, from my experience, the frequency of sex decreases as the relationship lengthens. How often do you two have sex now? You might just have a high sex drive and he may be "normal" or "low". I've been with women who wanted sex multiple times a day everyday, and some that wanted it a few times a week. But if he's not making the move, maybe you should try to initiate it. Do what you said about just taking his pants off (my ex would do that to me and it instantly turn me on as its spontaneous and depending where we were, felt "forbidden") and going down on him. You're a good girl for trying to make things work instead of just abandoning him.
 
Thank you :) I very much appreciate that. I love him very very much although he can really push my buttons at times and we often have spats, we manage to get through everything. At times I do feel like just giving up, but. There's something about him that I just can't imagine being with out him. Never ever felt like this about someone and I'm willing to do whatever to make us work. He's a good guy and I acknowedledge the fact that I am very lucky to have him as no one. Else would ever put up with my crazy bullshit.
Were working on trying to increase our sex life. I'm just trying to make things spicier and he's also taking vitamins and such and started takeing wellbutrin in attempt to raise his sex drive like it used to be
 
Sexual Compatibility in my mind is KEY to a lasting, good relationship.
Along with this, communication is key......
I'd suggest, doing as you are, trying to spice it up as much as you can- and talk it out.
Being open with your partner in discussing what you need sexually and what he needs will only lead to better sex, and a better relationship imo. :)
Sounds like you are working on this, but just continue to be open. <3
Also, along with vitamins, you can find herbal supplements to help with his libido as well- though I'd be careful with being sure there is no interaction with medications he may be taking.
Lots of luck!
 
Difficult, but not impossible. The two 'instruments' can be attuned accordingly under the right circumstances. At least in my opinion.

Can anyone suggest supplements/herbs/vitamins that increase libido? I've read that gingko and zinc are very helpful. Opinions?
 
Sadly i feel more sexually compatible with someone in the beginning of a relationship. Its new and exciting! Sex with the same person gets old and boring for some (not all necessarily) people. Tell him that your going to seek alternative ways to satisfy yourself if he doesntstart pleasing you.
 
:( boo that makes me sad to think that he may find sex boring and old with me...
He would nottt like the idea of me pleasing myself
For example, a few weeks ago it was morning and for some reason I was really in the mood. So I texted him and told him that. All he said was please do NOT masturbate bay. So I told him then come take care of it for me. So he dillydallied and took about an hour or so to get there. Which by that time I wasn't really feelin it much anymore but I wanted to anyway since we barely
do. But then he made up some excuses that I can't remember as to why not to. I think it might have been because of my mother being home, but that hasn't stopped us before. We've had much riskier sex. Like in his house where sound travels and his strict parents were home as well as his brother. So idk its just a little disappointing but I refuse to give up on our relationship.
 
Shady Kaity said:
Difficult, but not impossible. The two 'instruments' can be attuned accordingly under the right circumstances. At least in my opinion.

Can anyone suggest supplements/herbs/vitamins that increase libido? I've read that gingko and zinc are very helpful. Opinions?
Click to expand...

Kava is reowned for doing, and does for me. A strong Kava in the evening, and I am relaxed and horny when I wake up in the morning. A nice combination. Plus, Kava is absolutly not addictive.
 
@ carl... It`s just new and exciting at the begining... And I AGREE with you about that... A good song that goes that way is `different devil` by chickenfoot... Youtube has a video where sammy hagar talks about how the song was written...

@ shady kaity it isn`t YOU...
It`s him... And if your relationship is as good as you`re saying it is, you guys need to talk about it... With out arguing about it... You can do it nekkid if it helps!
 
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