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Sexting = cheating?

kicsicsillag

kicsicsillag

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 31, 2016
Messages
33
Location
Left Coast
There is this guy who I met through friends 2 years ago and we had instant chemistry, and spent the whole weekend together just like that... then we met again on an alumni party and found a sweet spot on the rooftop for some fun. It was amazing. Been in touch here and there but haven`t seen him since (we probably wouldn`t stop at grabbing just a coffee). He also has a girlfriend now.
Once in a while I still test the water and ask him to grab coffee with me (during the day, in daylight, being busy, we might be able to stick to a coffee). Yesterday I texted him and we ended up having the hottest sexting in the history.. Totally unexpected and mindblowing just like that. Again, haven`t seen him for 2 years and we got it on in one second. He said he would love to see me but doesn`t want to cheat.. I`m thinking he already did, since he totally did it in his head.
Thoughts?

Is sexting cheating? Or naaah, too platonic? What is cheating?
 
Yep. His gf isn't going to be too happy with it, so in my mind maybe it's not "cheating" but inappropriate. It would hurt if I knew my bf was doing that, so I think he sucks for doing it.
 
I thought they broke up.. He was super responsive on the coffee invitation (which I meant at the time) and initiating more.. He wrote me just after that he can`t..
 
It is up to the people in the relationship to define what they consider to be cheating, but generally speaking, I'd say that sexting would be classified as cheating by most.

Why are you repeatedly trying to initiate meet ups and sexual texts with a man who has a girlfriend, and that you haven't even seen in two years? Pretty pathetic in my opinion.
 
Lysis said:
Yep. His gf isn't going to be too happy with it, so in my mind maybe it's not "cheating" but inappropriate. It would hurt if I knew my bf was doing that, so I think he sucks for doing it.
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I agree.

Mel22 said:
It is up to the people in the relationship to define what they consider to be cheating, but generally speaking, I'd say that sexting would be classified as cheating by most.

Why are you repeatedly trying to initiate meet ups and sexual texts with a man who has a girlfriend, and that you haven't even seen in two years? Pretty pathetic in my opinion.
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If you are having intimate conversations with someone else other than your bf and not telling him about it looks like cheating to me. Inappropriate imo. It works in the same way to the other part as well (this other guy you are texting to).
 
If he's willing to sext with another girl now then he'll do it when you're the girlfriend too.
 
Relationships where needs are being sought from outside the relationship are in trouble. Yes it is cheating, and likely there is an unfulfilled need. He needs to figure out what he wants. Sadly for you, this means you likely don't mean as much as you think you do. He is using you to meet a need and he has to decide if he wants to stay in his relationship. Most of the time they end up staying and you look like a fool, so I would not pursue this
 
JackiePeyton said:
Relationships where needs are being sought from outside the relationship are in trouble.
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human nature and human interaction are way too complex and subtle for a generalisation like this to be made.

i've had some great relationships where, for example, i get my golf fix from my male friends, not my girlfriend. that is an example of a need being met outside the relationship. what, i'm supposed to do absolutely everything with my partner? to me, that sounds very unhealthy...

alasdair
 
To be specific, I meant a sexual need. I don't think you look for sexual needs from your friend Alasdair, but if you do and your girlfriend and you are okay with it...Then that would be just fine. Like you said, cheating is whatever the couple says it is.

The bottom line is that communication is key and I think everyone is going to agree with that.
 
i know a couple of couples who have solid, life-long relationships but where, in each case one partner has a (sexual) fetish the other doesn't care for. with the agreement of their partners, they indulge elsewhere. in each case, the rules are slightly different but it's perfectly healthy and it works for both couples.

you just can't say "Relationships where needs are being sought from outside the relationship are in trouble" with any kind of authority. might not work for you. works for them.

alasdair
 
thujone said:
If he's willing to sext with another girl now then he'll do it when you're the girlfriend too.
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Yep. I believe transparency should take place. Talking about it with your partner you let them know if things are or aren't okay.
It might be a sign that something is wrong in the current relationship. Some people say these things including cheating helps, but IDK, they would both have to agree with it IMO. It may be difficult to accept.
 
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Multipartner relationships won't work for me atleast. My exwife-cheated me with multiple men without me suspecting a thing and we tried open relations as a solution for that but it just didn't work. Might had worked if instead cheating me before he would have said that she wants to try open relationship. I just totally lost my faith in her as he cheated me.
 
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