sexism- attitudes towards libido and how they influence the opinion of either sex.

[Effuzion]

Rangrz... this is you

 

[rangrz]

My pupils are waaay more blown out then that; I'm not a lightweight tweaker.

 

[B1tO'RoughJack]

"Attitudes regarding frequency"? Well if we're talking about sluts, and players, the misogynistic divide - It's simple seperatism - sexism.

Libido? It's sexual - it's just the fact there are different people with different mind-body types - there there are on average several degrees (a handful at most) of normal libido - with the exceptions to the rule; at one side we have of asexuality is a natural albeit rare occurrence, and on the other end of the scale we have conditioned nymphomaniacs.

I personally have had hang-ups in the past - sex was one of my vices, because of the emotional and psychological attachments, inherent in my personal nature. Used to have self confidence and self control issues, myself.

I have no problem with sluts, as long as it's not compulsive promiscuous sex - I recently realized I hadn't previously used the word "slut" in it's proper definition, and upon being called a "pretty slut" by this woman I was chatting up at this winter solstice party I went to, I reacquainted myself with the word.

Therefore I don't really know what I would call someone who indiscriminately sleeps with anyone that smiiles at them anymore other than a lost soul - I would not judge them in a negative way, that gets no one anywhere, but just look at them as someone on their own journey - I'd been there, understood the many reasons for its occurrence.

On the other hand we have people who like to fuck a lot for various different reasons - from the nymphos and sex addicts (psychological, conditioned), to the players and mega sluts - people who haave it in their general nature to look for variety in life, and in the instance of the men - SOW THEIR WILD OATS like the fox - many different women. The urge for variety, it being the spice of life, brings us to the want for various sexual partners, until one day we might possibly find one mate, who we share our journey with for as long as a piece of string, and potentially a bit longer.

Some people naturally like to fuck a lot, and have low to medium stamina, and fantasize a lot; and some people take a little while to get aroused, have a steady libido, and a long stamina.

Frequency of sex - it all depends on the person, the subject in question. Good wholesome spicy fun for one person, might be self-deprecating hell for another - it's all in the mind - the STATE OF MIND.

For me, where I am, I prefer a woman who is up for a laugh, someone who I can learn something from - someone who is not inhibited sexually or emotionally at all, so this tends to get me older women; but when I really want to settle down, I'm probably not going to care if they have "been around" more/less than me - as long as they want to fuck as much as me, or allow me to see someone on the side in our relationship, I'm fine.

 

[MyFinalRest]

I don't really like men or women who brag about the sex they have and act like it's some sort of conquest or story to tell. I think sex should be private, but it's completely good to be sexually passionate, not necessarily "aggressive."

I do think you're in the minority here. Just from my experience, many guys do shy away from females who are more "out there" as relationship material. Not all, but most.

From my experience, these girls can seem very fun and charming, but if they "out there" like that with every good looking guy they meet or in the way they constantly dress, then it's not just a "turn off," it's a big red flag to not start a relationship with a girl like this. I've made that mistake more than once. They might even be a form of sociopath because...

More likely, they're just getting out there and enjoying sex...if some wanker gets his feelings hurt, that's on him, not the girl.

they are just doing everything for themselves. When you interact with someone, especially on that level, and don't take their feelings into consideration it's very pathological and immoral. That's why I worry about girls like that. They're easy to meet and talk to - at first at least - but they will avoid anything that comes close to commitment and trash you. On top of that, she blames you for thinking she was someone to have a relationship with.

 

[pofacedhoe]

IME women call it validation and us manly men call it ego. I've never heard a guy say "I just need some validation right now"

hmm validation has connotations of neediness like a parking ticket validation (until its stamped its worthless) whereas ego boosting is different and has a sense of the human rather than the object

i think both sexes can be both needing validation/ looking for an ego boost

 

[Illyria99]

Maybe. But you're going to find far more men using rampant sex as an ego boost.

 

[Effuzion]

hmm validation has connotations of neediness like a parking ticket validation (until its stamped its worthless) whereas ego boosting is different and has a sense of the human rather than the object

i think both sexes can be both needing validation/ looking for an ego boost

I don't see how sleeping with a bunch of different guys would ever be an ego boost for a woman. Maybe this is just me being sexist or not understanding women, but I feel like when a girl is compulsively having sex with lots of different dudes it's because she's looking for validation.

For guys sleeping with a bunch of girls is usually an ego boost because of the conquest factor. The only time I could see a guy using sex for validation is if he's actively going for girls who are wayyyyy below him on the attractiveness scale.

 

[Beachcat]

I don't see how sleeping with a bunch of different guys would ever be an ego boost for a woman. Maybe this is just me being sexist or not understanding women, but I feel like when a girl is compulsively having sex with lots of different dudes it's because she's looking for validation.
.

Maybe. Or maybe just having fun.

In my younger years, I went through a phase or two when I may have had a boyfriend, a friend with benefits and some random hookups all at the same time. It had nothing to do with needing validation or an ego boost...it had everything to do with feeling good, being young and having fun.

Yep. Women like to have fun sometimes by having lots of sex. Try not to be too surprised, lol.

 

[Effuzion]

Maybe. Or maybe just having fun.

In my younger years, I went through a phase or two when I may have had a boyfriend, a friend with benefits and some random hookups all at the same time. It had nothing to do with needing validation or an ego boost...it had everything to do with feeling good, being young and having fun.

Yep. Women like to have fun sometimes by having lots of sex. Try not to be too surprised, lol.

I'm talking specifically about men and women who compulsively have sex.

Obviously, you can have sex for fun and not need validation, just like you can use drugs for fun and not be an addict.

 

[Beachcat]

Yes, I can see your point.

However, if we are talking compulsion, wouldn't that be equally bad for both men and women? Or are just women sad individuals if they compulsively have sex, while men are just "spreading their seed" and following their biological imperative?

I guess I was talking about having sex impulsively rather than compulsively, and there is a difference. Good point.

 

[Effuzion]

You're bringing up a topic we weren't ever discussing. I never said women are worse than men for having lots of sex. I'm saying I don't see how fucking a bunch of dudes could be an ego boost for a woman. But I don't understand women very well so I'd love to be proven wrong and learn something new.

 

[Beachcat]

It's an ego boost in the exact same way that it is for men....it is good for the ego to know that you are found desirable.

I can't speak for all women, but I am pretty sure that is as simple as that, really.

I mean, as you have said before, as a woman who is at least moderately attractive I could probably go up to a random dude at last call in a bar and say "wanna fuck" and easily get laid.

However, it is something different entirely to reel someone in by having witty conversation, a good chemistry, just having a good time and making them really want to fuck you because they think you are awesome....that is an ego boost.

 

[MyFinalRest]

I find the whole ego-boost phenonemon disgraceful. It's a far too common thing now. And this applies to both men and women, and not only to sex too. People shouldn't be doing anything with getting an ego-boost in mind. Even though seeking "validation" through fast sex is pretty bad and pathetic, it's more noble than the ego-boost seeking man or woman.

I just cannot see sex as a purely recreational activity. I think connecting it with a deeper and committed intimacy between 2 people is healthy, not narrowminded. Something in the natural emotional makeup seems to be damaged or removed for people who just have sex to have sex. From what I've seen, usually a divorce and remarriage between their parents was enough to do it for them, equating with them that long term intimacy is dangerous and to be avoided.
Men and women like that sort of seem to think that nobody is good enough for them to start and keep a relationship with but it's actually the other way around.

I just can't help it. I see people who lurk around bars and playing a game that only results in a one night sex encounter as manipulative and untrustworthy. You're asking for it if you try to have a relationship with them, and they'll tell you so too. Get some real validation in life and then you won't need ego-boosts every day to feel worthy. We all want some validation, even if it's with one person and we like to be desired, but there are longer lasting, much more fulfilling, and safer ways of seeking this out.

 

[MyFinalRest]

I like a relationship with a guy who wants to do crazy things and have sex anywhere and anytime. However, I want to do this with one person....not just random dudes. But the way I look at things doesn't make me the relationship type. I have a relationship, but he sees me as the good girl. I think I shall change that soon and surprise him with something crazy, but still, had I been this way a year or two ago, I'm really not so sure he would still be with me.

anywhere? Even if she was monogamous I'm not going to have sex in a public restroom. I would have doubts about the girl then. When sex starts bordering on that "thrill-seeking" behavior, I usually take it as a bad sign. Also, I think there are a lot of people who equate sex with being "dirty" and like to emphasize a "dirty" sexual aspect to their encounters, and that just comes off as unsophistacted and trashy to me - even if she is monogamous. Even worse, if she insists on being, tied up and beaten, asphyxiated, or assfucking me with a plastic cock it's too weird for me. Even in monogamous relations, I have my limits. I would say polygamy in general is unhealthy, but monogamous relations aren't a gurantee that all things are well and good.

 

[rangrz]

What if all of that "weird" stuff is part of a loving, connected, meaningful relationship and is in essence just a way for the for the people involved to have fun together and make each other feel good? What's so bad about it? It's not unlike smoking a joint or dropping a roll together. (Except much healthier in physical terms.) Or doing something adventurous together like diving or motorcycling... (except without the risk of drowning or ejecting your brains on the pavement.)

 

[B1tO'RoughJack]

evidently you don't naturally associate sex with emotions or love, as some people do...but also those who have unresolved emotional problems and often unresolved psychological issues too, therefore no, you cannot understand it.

Also - it's an ego boost for a while, matter or hours or days usually...sometimes months, then you ar still left with an empty hole, which ultimately you cannot fill with anything but yourself.

I don't see how sleeping with a bunch of different guys would ever be an ego boost for a woman. Maybe this is just me being sexist or not understanding women, but I feel like when a girl is compulsively having sex with lots of different dudes it's because she's looking for validation.

For guys sleeping with a bunch of girls is usually an ego boost because of the conquest factor. The only time I could see a guy using sex for validation is if he's actively going for girls who are wayyyyy below him on the attractiveness scale.

Myfinalrest - I totally agree with ya brother - great post.

 

[rangrz]

evidently you don't naturally associate sex with emotions or love, as some people do...

Was that directed at me or at Effuz? Cause I personally do, but I don't see how that conflicts with kink, or with having multiple partners as long as everyone involved knows and is comfortable/into the idea.

 

[Illyria99]

Why can't people just fuck for fun, without expecting a "relationship" to develop? And for the record, "kinky" sex fucking rules.

 

[B1tO'RoughJack]

^ why not? Because fucking isn't "just fun" for most people - we're not wired that way, thank god - if you're going to be sharing something as deep as sexual congress, then I would hope it would be with someone you actually like as a person, or can talk to - therefore a "relationship"(be it a romantic one leading up to marriage, friends with benefits, or just a friendship), is pretty normal, and whilst not necessary, would be ideal for anyone who's open and sociable - relating to other people is important in order to further understand ourselves, amongst other things.

Some people can just do it - seperate the 2, and there's not necessarily anything wrong with them, they're just different, but I'd say most people would have difficulty with sport fucking, simply because it's such an intimate thing.

I would say however, that from all your life experiences you have shared with us, you are not one of these exception-to-the-rule people either - you're just cutting yourself off, because of what has happened to you in your life.

Kinky sex is great - degrading kinky sex is not.

Was that directed at me or at Effuz? Cause I personally do, but I don't see how that conflicts with kink, or with having multiple partners as long as everyone involved knows and is comfortable/into the idea.

Effuzion. hence no "^" and not addressing anything you said.

 

[MyFinalRest]

Dunno, I like girls who LIKE sex, who initiate it, who open about it.

I'm against sexism personally, and not even on wanky moral grounds. The scientist in me says that from both empirically observing women, and based on some understanding of biology/neuroscience/psychology , that the only really valid generalizations (As in those which do tend to be true most of the time, and which have a solid underlying reason behind them) are a) Women do not have penises and testicles, they have vaginas and ovaries etc. b) As a result, they have some different hormonal levels than men. This leads to usually being less heavily muscled, lower bone density, etc and various other physical traits. This is like saying Black people have different amounts of melanin than white or Asian people. It to me does not seem to imply anything about their brains, or thoughts being different. As such, I dismiss those who argue that men and women think differently as patent nonsense.

Similarly, I dismiss the social idea of gender roles (or race roles, or class roles) as absurd and stupid. Including those that posit different levels of acceptability for the same sexual behaviour when done by a man or woman

although, I'm not all kinky and poly like rangrz, I agree with this post very much.

Although I have certain ideas of sexuality that would not agree with the kinkier folks, I'm totally against gender typing. I'm so tired of women who won't initiate anything in a relationship. Those old gender ideas where women can't ask a man out, can't make moves on him and all that shit really suck. Although I don't agree with the wilder ones, I can't stand girls that think they need to play hard to get or the genuine prudes.

I'm not saying that sex can't be fun, just to me, it's beyond "fun." Saying it was "fun" to describe the experience of touching and making love to someone you really like doesn't do it justice. I just think that the kinky stuff and unusual stuff ruin the perfect artwork that is making love. I guess I'm a naturalist and purist about it. Anything kinky added to it just seems to distract the best parts of it.