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Severe mental shift after male orgasm?

Seattle_Stranger

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All my life, ever since I started 'exploring myself', and subsequently when I started exploring women, I have always noticed an extreme, and I mean EXTREME shift in my state of mind after I ejaculate. For example, if I have sex, I am 10000% about the woman, kissing her, making love, exploring her body, making her feel like a Goddess, etc.. Then, literally seconds after I cum, I'm no longer interested in kissing, being sexual or romantic, all I want to do is quickly put my pants on and exit stage left.. It's not dysphoric or sad in any way, just extremely turned-off and completely finished being sexual, usually finished interacting with this person altogether! With my girlfriend, whom I love dearly, after sex I at least enjoy laying down with her, cuddling and falling asleep, however I do not feel like kissing, talking, caressing, post-play, etc... With any other girl I've been with in the past, the instant I cum I want to literally disappear out of the room and be somewhere else, away from this person I just had sex with. :\

I know I'm not the only person who feels this way. My question is more...why? Why does this happen to us guys? To my understanding, when a man has an orgasm, his brain releases serotonin in a similar fashion to MDMA. Wouldn't one be lead to think this would result in an even further sexual stimulation, empathetic, touchy-feely euphoric feeling rather than borderline-disgust, fatigue and lethargy?

Sorry if this has been discussed already.
 
All my life, ever since I started 'exploring myself', and subsequently when I started exploring women, I have always noticed an extreme, and I mean EXTREME shift in my state of mind after I ejaculate. For example, if I have sex, I am 10000% about the woman, kissing her, making love, exploring her body, making her feel like a Goddess, etc.. Then, literally seconds after I cum, I'm no longer interested in kissing, being sexual or romantic, all I want to do is quickly put my pants on and exit stage left.. It's not dysphoric or sad in any way, just extremely turned-off and completely finished being sexual, usually finished interacting with this person altogether! With my girlfriend, whom I love dearly, after sex I at least enjoy laying down with her, cuddling and falling asleep, however I do not feel like kissing, talking, caressing, post-play, etc... With any other girl I've been with in the past, the instant I cum I want to literally disappear out of the room and be somewhere else, away from this person I just had sex with. :\

I know I'm not the only person who feels this way. My question is more...why? Why does this happen to us guys? To my understanding, when a man has an orgasm, his brain releases serotonin in a similar fashion to MDMA. Wouldn't one be lead to think this would result in an even further sexual stimulation, empathetic, touchy-feely euphoric feeling rather than borderline-disgust, fatigue and lethargy?

Sorry if this has been discussed already.

This happens, to varying degrees, with virtually ALL men, and I'd assume women.
I repeat, to different degrees.

The most common manifestation is when your turned on by something, usually a fetish of some kind, but then when you come, you lose all interest in that thing, are disgusted by it even (examples are semen fetish, or cuckold fetish, so on).

This is natural, a method to prevent people and animals having sex all day long like heroin addicts. I mean who wouldn't want multiple orgasms?

However in your case this chemical reflex is incorrectly tuned.

I've found that one way to fix this is to force yourself to do it a couple of times, like when you masturbate, then force yourself to masturbate again.

You can override the natural reflex with practice,

You could also see a sex therapist.
 
Ah, that instant moment of truth when the reality of the situation hits you since you are no longer thinking with your dick. Yea it happens, but to a lesser extent for me. It depends on the partner I think. I had one girl that was always awkward post sex, and another that was cool and would compliment me and pat me on the back. I didn't mind sticking around with the latter, and would always be down for round 2.
 
This happens, to varying degrees, with virtually ALL men, and I'd assume women.
I repeat, to different degrees.

The most common manifestation is when your turned on by something, usually a fetish of some kind, but then when you come, you lose all interest in that thing, are disgusted by it even (examples are semen fetish, or cuckold fetish, so on).

This is natural, a method to prevent people and animals having sex all day long like heroin addicts. I mean who wouldn't want multiple orgasms?

However in your case this chemical reflex is incorrectly tuned.

I've found that one way to fix this is to force yourself to do it a couple of times, like when you masturbate, then force yourself to masturbate again.

You can override the natural reflex with practice,

You could also see a sex therapist.

Interesting points! It's certainly not an issue at all, especially with my girlfriend whom I love very very much. It's easy for me to continue being affectionate towards her after sex, however with anyone else in the past, especially one-nighters, yuck! I would finish up and immediately start thinking about excuses I can make to get the fuck out of there. I'm just curious about the neuro-chemistry that's going on to trigger such a severe and rapid shift in emotions.

I almost feel like my neurotransmitters are firing like mad during sex, and they fire more and more and more as I approach orgasm. As I climax, I feel like my brain just dumps a piss-ton of neurotransmitters into my brain and body, and then from that point forward they are depleted for a while until they recharge and I can be horny again. It literally feels impossible for me to reach the state of emotion I was at just a couple seconds ago before climaxing, as if the chemicals my brain needs to be "in-the-mood" are no longer present at this time. Like a car that just ran a race and ran out of gas and won't start back up even though it was just doing 150 MPH a minute earlier.

Am I even in the ballpark on that guess?
 
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It is neuro-chemisty, something about oxytocin which create bonds but I read a while back that there is another chemcical released post coitus in males that causes them to want to ge the fuck out/stress/ect.
your brain probably releases to much of the latter.
I feel the same way when it's not someone I'm interested in, accept I don' have to get off to feel so.


http://oxytocinaccelerator.com/oxytocin-and-woman
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-moral-molecule/201004/why-men-cheat
http://www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/07/27/ryan.promiscuity.normal/index.html
 
not that i'm denying the correlation of this feeling to some neurochemical phenomenon, but could the feeling be described as 'shame'? through religious upbringings or sexual trauma, i know some people associate orgasm with shame - immediate post-coital guilt for enjoying something they (maybe not even consciously) identify as 'wrong' or 'dirty'. i'm a woman btw, so it's really just a thought.
 
This happens to me to a much lesser degree and the disinterest only lasts a couple minutes.
 
not that i'm denying the correlation of this feeling to some neurochemical phenomenon, but could the feeling be described as 'shame'? through religious upbringings or sexual trauma, i know some people associate orgasm with shame - immediate post-coital guilt for enjoying something they (maybe not even consciously) identify as 'wrong' or 'dirty'. i'm a woman btw, so it's really just a thought.

Thoughtful point, but no it's definitely not this. I've never felt ashamed for an orgasm or even for perusing sexual behavior with a 'stranger'.

It is neuro-chemisty, something about oxytocin which create bonds but I read a while back that there is another chemcical released post coitus in males that causes them to want to ge the fuck out/stress/ect.
your brain probably releases to much of the latter.
I feel the same way when it's not someone I'm interested in, accept I don' have to get off to feel so.


http://oxytocinaccelerator.com/oxytocin-and-woman
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/.../why-men-cheat
http://www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/07/2...mal/index.html

Interesting links! Very informative, I just wasted a couple hours of my work day reading about promiscuity and orgasms. My boss would be proud.
 
Hey Seattle Stranger...
I wondered over to SLR and couldn't help but to respond to your thread.

I have had a few encounters with women other than my wife and I felt a similar loss of interest, and at least in one case a sense of repulsion. Immediately following orgasm.

Two of these women were quite attractive and my wife was watching me fuck them.
Even with threesomes, a strange lack of interest post orgasm seemed to take hold.

My wife is among the most attractive women I have ever met, and other people have told me the same.
She is Puerto Rican and Polish mixed and very striking. Looks very much like Jennifer Lopez.
A five foot tall sex goddess, she is!

And my emotional attachment to her always spelled out a rather intense feeling of connectedness post orgasm that I never quite achieved with other women. Even with her blessing and participation... :)

For this reason, I think that emotions lead to the release of post coital bonding hormones, oxytocin and prolactin.
Not just the physical attraction or having good sex.

Put more scientifically, the level of HPA response to sex and orgasm could be influenced by memories and hippocampus functions.

Perhaps the higher cognitive pathways won't allow you to be fooled - they determine whether or not you will be truly satisfied with any given partner.

Yet I feel that I should share something personal...
Ever since MDMA, 14 months ago...
Sex, especially orgasm has not been the same with her.
My sense of bonding and connection with her seems to evaporate almost immediately upon orgasm.
And my libido and emotions were affected on most days...

What is going on here?
This never happened with her before this!

It may be relevant to your situation with a girlfriend you very much have feelings for.

Serotonin inhibits dopamine, as I have said on many occasions.
Upon orgasm there is a surge of serotonin, but a circuit in the hypothalamus actually experiences a drop in serotonin and a sudden increase in dopamine.
These dopamine neurons cause a release of prolactin and oxytocin in the pituitary.
As well as dopamine release in the NA shell.

In SSRI patients it is common to experience some level of sexual dysfunction, including anorgasmia or ejaculatory anhedonia. Eventually some fail to experience ANY libido or erection!
And this can persist for months or YEARS after withdrawal from the medication!
For a small minority, it is a lifelong curse.
Visit YahooGroup SSRIsex or paxilprogress.org if you want to see some evidence.

So, serotonin in the hypothalamus directly inhibits sexual activity, including dopamine and oxytocin/prolactin release.

And MDMA is known to cause a hyperinnervation of the hypothalamus upon recovery from neurotoxicity.
I can remember how devoid of pleasure my orgasms were in the first 4 months.
Absolutely worthless.
Depressing, unhuman bullshit.

Even visiting strip clubs produced no interest until 8 months had passed.
And it wasn't until about 11-13 months, quite recently, that my orgasms finally stepped up another notch. Some of them are back to 85% strength.

And post orgasm bonding is finally returning.
There is still a difference, and I really hope it continues to improve.
But I have to say that my emotional response to orgasm is finally starting to improve after 14 months of recovery.

Too bad it comes at a cognitive cost.
Its like my brain's cognitive function has to be sacrificed for each improvement in gut/sexual function.
I guess a better orgasm is worth a few IQ points. Lol.
I've always said that this 'recovery' process is the intestines re-wiring the brain.

Some days I still don't enjoy watching porn.
But I am starting to look at my wife longingly like I used to, even on those days.

For what its worth, I have read too many stories of former SSRI users who describe an absolute loss of ALL sexual desire and sensation....to recover after 2 years of healthy living.
It appears that they tend to recover in cycles, like MDMA users, with functions improving and getting worse constantly. Most report improvements after about a year, but most who claim full recovery take 2 years.

And a minority of them take 3-4 years!

What is strange is the story of a woman who felt nothing for four years, and suddenly recovered.
Or the man who spent DECADES not being able to attain an erection, only to spontaneously achieve erections in his 60s! His wife couldn't get enough....

My opinion is that such stories are the exception.
The majority of people will realize their full recovery potential within 5 years.
You haven't gotten that far yet, so try to have faith.
There is a decent chance that you will continue to regain post-orgasm function, esp. if you truly care for this woman.

Just lay off the psylosibin. :|

And try a few days of hard exercise.
See what happens when you provide yourself with a BOOST of BDNF.

Or you could take a dopamine stimulant - that should make a difference.
What about nasal oxytocin spray?
Just ideas...
 
When I was younger, I used to feel like this all the time. I would watch porn, cum, and then immediately think "what kind of depravity am I watching? oh god..." etc...feelings of guilt and being embarassed. As I have gotten older and more confident, I haven't had these feelings in years. I think it has a lot to do with self-esteem and being confident and secure in who you are as a sexual being in the world. I adore sex, I like to have lots of it, and I don't give a rat's fat ass who knows that or what they think about it, whereas back in the day, I was insecure about the amount I enjoyed sex, so I felt guilt.
 
I am a girl and IMO if I finish before my boyfriend I literally think, oh boy hope he finishes soon, lol so don't think you are alone in this I have tried to time my orgasm with his cuz he obviously doesn't want to keep going after he finishes and that way I'm not just thinking move it along here move it along...
 
I think every guy experiences this. It depends also on how attracted you are to the girl. If you're really attracted to her, the shift won't be as extreme and you'll be more comfortable with her after orgasm... maybe it has something to do with being confident in who you've just "inseminated'... if it's not a really hot girl, your natural reaction might be to flee and "try again" with another girl... if it's a girl whom you, on a very basic biological level, feel you should breed with(and are not just horny for anything with two legs), you might instinctively want to stay around longer to ensure the survival of a new generation?
 
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