Sero needs your help with new crush (again)

[Serotonin101]

So I've been chatting with and hanging out with this girl I met in NA. She's 18 (I'm 22) and lives on her own. She's pregnant with another guys kid who basically doesn't treat her well. We get along great but here's the dilemma.

We spend a lot of time together without others around (no group hangout kinda thing). I go to her place 2-3 times a week and spend a few hours with her and play with her cat (we both love cats!). Last night we had a movie night (her idea) and it was just me and her, made some pizza and hotwings (she craves spicy stuff and sweet stuff) and talked and laughed and had a good time. She said something though that makes me wonder if I'm gonna be/already have been friendzoned "I don't want a relationship with someone in recovery[…]".
I'm really digging this girl and the pregnancy thing isn't really an issue to me. We have similar quirks and topics of conversation (we talked about porn and she was the one who told me pornhubs 5 video daily limit was gone lmao). We're also going to an NA campout in a couple weeks (she asked if her and I could go together).

When I sit back and look at the facts, I see some things that point to her liking me romantically, but some things scream "friendzone" (no major ones off the top of my head). I was thinking of stopping by her work tonight (she works at sonic and gets off at midnight) and get an order and before I leave, put a rose and a card under her wiper blade so she'll see it when she gets off. Forgot to mention her work is a good 35 minute drive while speeding significantly lol. Do you think the card and the rose is too much? I figured this would be a good way to see where we stand potentially. But I don't wanna push her away and lose a friend because she perceives all my politeness as alterior motives (I'm actually just a nice Guy to women in general).

after all the back story and details: how should I finally figure out if she feels anything for me? And is the rose and the card too much?

 

[acidhermione]

You sound like a lovely guy and she does seem interested in you minus the bit where someone else's child is growing inside her. In any other circumstance it would appear that this is pre dating rituals happening between you but because of the child situ you need to tread carefully. I say be honest and just tell her so long as the situation isn't too messy with the baby. You sound like a nice guy otherwise I wouldn't encourage your interest towards a girl who seems to be in a very strange and vulnerable situation at such a young age.


I hope things works out.

 

[Morphling]

"I don't want a relationship with someone in recovery[…]".

IMO this girl has a LOT going on in her life right now. She also seems to be sending mixed signals. I think the best bet would be to express your interest somehow, and let her know that the next move is hers...and you are being respectful about it, due to all the craziness in her life right now.

Pregnant women can be hyper-emotional, and just coming off a shift late at night, a card and a rose might be a bit to deal with. In a good or bad way, I can't say.

Wish I could give you better advice, there seems to be a lot going on here!

 

[Serotonin101]

Exactly why I asked. But thank you. Ill refrain from the card and flower for now. I can see how the NA campout goes and then go from there I guess lol (its an hour and a half drive one way).

I'm noticing a trend lately. The last 4 women were young parents (milfs are awesome). I'm wondering if I have some psychological issues that draws me to women with children (my lack of a mother figure may be suspect).

 

[95Land]

You sound like a lovely guy and she does seem interested in you minus the bit where someone else's child is growing inside her.

I think this is probably it. Being pregnant and single, I would bet she's pretty hesitant to jump into another relationship without a lot of thought beforehand.
In other words, she might want to make SURE, sure that you're someone that will be willing to help and be around her child, long-term, before she's willing to commit to anything relationship-wise.
I doubt very highly that you've been designated as a friend and a friend only. She probably just wants to go real slow, spend a goodly amount of time with you and possibly even get through the pregnancy before she's willing to commit.
Your idea is a really nice one. I would just be nervous that I might be rushing her and scare her away.

 

[T. Calderone]

I agree with above posters, she has many things going on in her life now. Starting a new relationship would not be wise for her at this time for several reasons. First, she has a boyfriend already even though he treats her badly. As the pregnancy progresses, she may feel the need to bond with him just because he is the baby's father. Also she is just 18 and I'm sure she is struggling with the transition into adulthood and pressure of being a single parent. Are her parents supportive of her situation, I mean does she confide in you about this?

I would not leave her a card or flowers because that could give her the idea that you're wanting a romantic relationship It's a very nice gesture but may freak her out. I mean, I know you want to be more than friends but now is not the right time. Being her friend right now is all you can do, unless she indicates that she wants more. If you really care for her, be her friend and see how things progress.

I have an uncle who was in a situation similar to yours. He met my aunt while she was pregnant, and the guy was beating her. They were close friends and remained just friends. She got hit pretty bad and my uncle told her she could stay with him until she got on her feet but he really loved her and kept it to himself. Well they ended up getting married and he raised the baby as his own. 30+ years later they are still together! So if you really want this to work out, you will have to be patient. If it's meant to be it will happen.

 

[Corazon]

i'd go rose , no card

have some good sex, don't over-think it.
If you think rationally, you may decide you don't want commitment either.

 

[95Land]

I'm noticing a trend lately. The last 4 women were young parents (milfs are awesome). I'm wondering if I have some psychological issues that draws me to women with children (my lack of a mother figure may be suspect).

My last two girls had kids. Previous to that I chased early 20's girls and felt like something was missing most the time.
I feel more fulfilled with my current girlfriend. I have a mom, so it's not that for me at least.
I think it mostly has to do with the fact that she has been through the experience of nurturing a child and that tenderness bleeds out into how she treats me.
She's more attentive than average and observes subtle emotional things that probably would have flown over the head of some of the younger girls I've dated. Even the experience of being sick is drastically different with her. I feel taken care of.

I fancy myself a sex driven, dominant personality, but I think I really like to be taken care of, too.
Maybe you've got some similar traits?
I'm not saying a woman has to have kids to have these traits. Just seems like they're a prerequisite for a mom and they do carry over.

 

[Serotonin101]

I forgot to state she is single. The baby dad ain't really in the picture.
and yes I do look for women with those nurturing traits. Can be rough and ready but also tender and loving

She is open to me about everything going on. Her parents are very supportive and bought her maternity clothes and all that. She's actually living with them this week to take care of some kittens (they're fucking adorable!).
her and i have plans to go to a piercing shop her friend works at so I can get some piercings and she can get an appraisal on a tattoo.

I love spending time with her and I am willing to take it slow. For her and her unborn baby boy.

 

[acidhermione]

I forgot to state she is single. The baby dad ain't really in the picture.
and yes I do look for women with those nurturing traits. Can be rough and ready but also tender and loving

She is open to me about everything going on. Her parents are very supportive and bought her maternity clothes and all that. She's actually living with them this week to take care of some kittens (they're fucking adorable!).
her and i have plans to go to a piercing shop her friend works at so I can get some piercings and she can get an appraisal on a tattoo.

I love spending time with her and I am willing to take it slow. For her and her unborn baby boy.

She looks like she is in a more healthy and stable situation than I initially presumed, I guess you need to stay by her and show her that you respect and care for her. Her life is in a very transitional period as her identity will vastly change as she gives birth to her child who will be a huge part of her existence. I reckon you should remain with her as a stable and respectful friend, let her adjust to having her child and then make an official move. Before then feel free to let her know what you feel and where you would like to go with it.

I think it may just all work out in the end

Best of luck.

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

Oh oh, where does she work? Send her flowers to her job!!!! "Hope these will brighten up your day -signed you". It'll be like a friend/romantic thing--no roses just reg, bright flowers.

 

[Serotonin101]

She works at sonic (drive through food place for those who don't know what it is). that's not a bad idea. I might go with that