• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: streaM Freak

SEEKING TREATMENT (The Clinic...)

I just don't understand why the symptoms are coming up now that I'm 2 weeks in. Even my benzo taper was going great. I was taking 2, 2mg Klonopin a day. Some days more. But in the last 2 months, I had gotten to where I only took 1 every 2-3 days or if I was having a panic attack. And now it's like I have to use the Klonopin to combat feeling sick from the Bupe. It's strange. The Klonopin had gotten to the point where it always made me feel cold and tired. But if I take it on the Bupe, it's like I feel great. I get some energy back, the nausea goes away, I don't get cold or tired. I kind of get that feeling back of like just being even again. It sucks. I know coming off opiates and benzo's at the same time is hard. And I know the danger of coming off benzo's. But I was assured by the Dr that if I tapered slowly off both, I would be ok. It's looking more like I'm going to have to taper off of one first and then the other. Bummer. I'm trying really hard not to take a benzo today though. Just gonna see if this is a bad wave period that I need to ride out and then maybe I'll come back around later? I don't know.
 
Do It For Yourself.

Yeah, kid, you can do it. This is called harm-reduction and you already took steps. The only think I'd worry about is the benzos.

I was on subs for about 6 months but they didn't work for me. I am just too sneaky. I found an easy way around the urines and signing the counselor slips. When I wanted to come off, here's what I did:

I was at 16mg. I cut the dose in half, down to 8mg and rested there for three days.

Then I went to 4mg. Rested for three days. Down to 2mg for three days. Rested. I was on the film so it made it easier.

I proceeded to 1mg, rested, cut the dose in half. I did it until the films were so small that I couldn't see or cut them anymore.

Then, I flushed all the films I had left. I suffered from diarrhea and insomnia for a few weeks.

All the time going to AA. Sleeping 2-3 hours a day. I made a bad mistake by telling a few people what I was going through. They did not prove to be friends.

When I relapsed again, I went on MMT. There, the drugs were not put in my hand until I began receiving take-homes.

IMO, harm-reduction is beautiful and very helpful. Don't tell anyone your personal shit so they can use it against you and put you down.

Fuck them. You are much better than that and are saving your own life! Most people are assholes, anyway.

Do what you gotta do. Hold your head up high and take baby steps. You can do this, my friend. Just like Mikie.
7.gif


Mikie
 
Last edited:
Some stuff you gotta keep to yourself and your therapist, other things need to be out in the open. The biggest thing is just to be honest to yourself.
 
Hey JayJolie. I have only read the initial post as im in the midst of homework and dinner for my 5 kiddos, I will come back and read later.

If you are determined then of course it's possible! Go you! I would just say from experince though, make sure you are getting regular treatment in that time so that you get to the root of your issues as to why you abused drugs.

I am glad to see someone else on a high dose (not glad your dose Is high for yout sake of course!) and to read that withdrawals were still bad until you got to that dose. I am on 32mg and constantly get bagged out for it on here. I was waking up in so much pain even getting close to 32 and it was only splitting the dose that worked for me. Anyway....off topic

I have been on a Benzo taper for nearly 3 years and on subs for the same amount of time. Definitely would be as worried, if not more so about your benzo withdrawal, its literal hell. I have not yet detoxed from subs yet but have from most other drugs and Benzos take the absolute cake?.

You can definitely taper the subs over a year, maybe not the benzos. I have been one that has NEVER lived without an addiction. :(. I have done plenty of therapy but need to do CBT or dialectal as I have borderline personality disorder, ptsd and heaps of other stuff. I've swung between illegal and legal drugs, severe eating disorders, shopping, exercise, work, smoking, coffee. I seriously don't understand what it is like not to be addicted, and ir scares me. Im not sure if you can relate to any of this. I'm a little off the planet and rambling on lol.

What I wanted to say was yes, maybe make a one year plan and do as much therapy as you can and reassess as you go, or make smaller/short term goals. It's really hard to know how or what you will be feeling in a years time, both withdrawal wise and emotionally / mentally:

You most definitely haven't screwed your life up going on suboxone. It's diffeeent to swapping for another addiction. Yes, it shouldn't be forever but it's done in a controlled way and you don't hahe to worry everyday how to get drugs, life is not as unmanageable as it was before. Of course in a perfect world we wouldn't need SUBOXONE but i know it's keeping me safe, alive and away from opiates which is DEFINITELY better for me and my family. I don't want to be on it forever.

Be careful with jumping off the benzos.

Best of luck. I could relate a lot to your post.
 
Last edited:
JayJolie said:
Just an update. I ended up being really sick all night. Needless to say, I was first in line at the clinic this morning at 5am. After talking to my counselor and Dr, we decided to go back to 16mg, try to stay there for 4-6 days before making the next drop.
Is there a support group in this site for people on Bupe? Or you guys know of any online?
Click to expand...

Yes, I am a member of one. I don't go there much at the moment so will have to go and find the name of it. There are several secret facebook groups too.

I saw another comment about why the wirhrawals are kicking in after 2 weeks? I really need to read the whole thread. But I did a 14 day detox from benzos once (way too fast and absolute hell) and the first 2 weeks were fine, week three and onwards I was debilitated and COULDNT get out of bed. I have heard sub can be similar. Not looking forward to that at all/
 
You guys rock. So nice to talk to super supportive people. I've held really well on the 16mg. I think on Monday we're going to attempt (again) to make that drop to 12mg. I just don't understand why I'm getting these weird symptoms 2 weeks into Bupe? I think I've read several times that this can be the case, that you will actually feel bad on the higher doses of Bupe and better once you get to 4mg or lower. Is there truth to that? The only thing getting me through my day, once u start getting the headaches and feeling nauseated, is I take one of my 2mg Klonopin and split it in half and take that. If after 2 hours I don't feel better, I'll take the other half. I have decided to work on this taper and then to work on the benzo taper...although I am taking a lot less if my benzo than I had been. However, I think I was pushing too hard to try to overcome 2 major addictions at the same time.
You guys are right about people judging you. Only a handful of people know that I go to the clinic. Even my family doctor, who also prescribes my Klonopin, really had a fit that I was in treatment. He threatened to drop me as a patient! Kind of thought that was pure crap.
But anyway, I really just wanted to thank everyone who has taken time to read and respond. It gets me through my day sometimes. Love to you all and I will continue chronicling my story on here. For all I know, there may be someone out there going through something similar and these posts help them out! I know that when I was trying to decide tiger help, coming to this site and reading all the posts really helped me!
 
Major set back today. Not with the Bupe, I'm still doing well on the 16mg drop. But you guys know, I'm also trying to taper off the benzo's. Well, something really bad happened today and I found myself unable to cope. I just wanted to go numb. Ended up taking 4 of my 2mg Klonopin. Not good. I didn't go numb and it didn't help me relax either. It's like the Bupe messes with the benzo's in a different way. When I mix them, it just seems like I get more energy. I don't know. Rough day. Ready for tomorrow so when I go to the clinic, I can talk some things through with my counselor. Also, only have 2 more days at the 16mg dose until I do my next drop to 12mg and see if I can handle it. Main goal tomorrow is to NOT take any of my Klonopin. No matter what. I've gotta find some strength and self control.
 
Is there anyone in your life who can help you manage your meds that you trust? It can lead to problems with codependency, but we all need a helping hand now and again. Maybe your clinic can help you manage your meds better, it might be a discussion worth having with your councilor (just be careful, if they know you've been misusing them it can affect how they give you your other meds; this just depends on your clinic's specific policy).
 
toothpastedog said:
Is there anyone in your life who can help you manage your meds that you trust? It can lead to problems with codependency, but we all need a helping hand now and again. Maybe your clinic can help you manage your meds better, it might be a discussion worth having with your councilor (just be careful, if they know you've been misusing them it can affect how they give you your other meds; this just depends on your clinic's specific policy).
Click to expand...

I had to have someone be my pharmacist because I tended to take more than my prescribed dose of benzos...and the only way for me to successfully taper was to have them doled out to me. Hopefully it gets better.

@jay. I would focus on learning some coping strategies. If your first reaction is to use, then it is time to start putting some new tools in the toolbox. Have you tried meditation, or writing a journal entry? Maybe call someone and talk about it.
 
I keep a journal and a see a therapist. I talked with my clinic today about what happened and they're putting me in with their doctors. So, after speaking with them, I feel that they can help me. They're going to monitor my use, get me stabilized, and then help me taper. I didn't know they could even help you with benzo use here! I feel better about the situation.
I'm still very upset about what happened yesterday, but I haven't taken any more benzo's dice yesterday at 5pm. So at least I didn't just full out binge.
 
I wouldn't rush things as most people have said. Even if you rushed things and got off with 0 WD if your not prepared to be sober you will relapse. Take this time to work on lifestyle changes maybe some sober friends, job, school whatever. You want to have a plan in place so you don't fall back off. I wish you the best on your journey.
 
Nice work JayJolie, that is huge that you talked to your clinic about your current situation. Must have taken a lot of courage. Just keep your head on your shoulders when you speak to the doctor there, clinic doctors can be huge PITAs and very confrontational sometimes, especially if you dont know what to expect. But you can totally do this, you already are! The RN who doses your medication there should also be able to dose you your daily alloted benzo count, so see if they can set something up like that. If the doctor there feels your being honest and genuine, and really trying hard, there is no reason they shouldnt help support and work with you. Keep up the great work! Hold that head of yours up high today my friend! :) <3
 
Thank you! I think they are working on putting something in place were they dose me on my benzo's and I don't have control over them...which will be great!

I don't hang around anyone who does drugs or sells drugs anymore. My husband is totally sober, always has been. And I have a 4 year old daughter and that helps put me in a better mind set as I want to be a really good mother to her. Both of my parents were (still are) major addicts and I don't want my kids growing up with the life like I had as a child. My workplace is a really good environment. I work for a major corporation and no one even brings up drugs or anything like that. So I feel like I've done a really good job at putting myself in a good environment. I guess it all really falls on me and my own self control. I can't place a blame on anyone but myself for the situation I'm in. I do try to encourage myself daily about my progress and how far I've come. I've inly had one slip up since starting everything and that was yesterday. So I'm trying not to beat myself up too much for it as that will just cause me to get depressed and trigger me to want to use again.

Tomorrow will be my last dose at 16mg. They're encouraging me to try to skip dosing on Sunday and then Monday I'm going to dose at 12mg and see how that does. I feel way more positive today than yesterday. Really appreciate everyone who takes time to talk to me on here. It really gets me through. You guys have no idea what a saving grace this site is for me. Thank you.
 
Update: doing really well on the 12mg drop!! The plan is to drop to 8mg in about 4 more days. Fingers crossed! Anybody else on a taper down from Bupe? I'd love to hear stories!
 
If you just relapsed its a bad idea to keep dropping. Did you tell the clinic? i can guarantee that if they knew you relapsed yesterday they would most likely bring you up in mgs not down. Its a major sign that you are rushing and will relapse. Sorry you probably don't want to hear it that but its true.
 
Keep up the good work jayjollie. Changing your people, places, and things is key in maintaining any lasting sobriety. I guess the statement that if you hang around the barbershop long enough, chances are you will get a haircut holds very true.

Something else to try is positive self talk. If you are feeling down and feeling like using go to your mirror and say three things that you like about yourself. It works for me.
 
Keep up the good work with reducing but I do agree with another poster re relapse. It's good to get your dose down but not to a point where you will continue to relapse. A lower dose is good but maybe now consider staying where you are for longer if it's going to keep you safer.
 
Oh and im on a BUPE taper, lol we'll sort of. I've been on 32 for 3 years and my first drop (to 30 lol) will start on the 1st of the month. Not much experince to share there. My benzo taper has Been going for nearly 3 years too but I've done 2 week ones and my experince was pure hell.
 
AnythingEverything said:
Keep up the good work with reducing but I do agree with another poster re relapse. It's good to get your dose down but not to a point where you will continue to relapse. A lower dose is good but maybe now consider staying where you are for longer if it's going to keep you safer.
Click to expand...

This. Relapsing is a sure sign that you are not stabilized on your dose and you need to do some more recovery work before you drop again. A problem I had with suboxone is I really didn't do the things needed to stay sober like therapy, and meetings. I went to meetings but I wasn't honest with myself which led to some pretty bad situations with coke and heroin for me.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top