U
Unregisteredededed
Guest
Second Opinion or Words please and thanks. 
I am seeking honest critiques of these two very rough draft poems. Please don't hold back - I need the feedback to make them better.
Rough draft 1
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I recognize you in my rearview mirror
enclosing every form I view.
You penetrate my house -
intimate moments
when I return late, lights out:
Showering, sobbing, sleeping.
I feel you stalking me in deserted lots,
scrutinizing still from the shadows.
Shocks of electricity radiate from my chest
through my shaking limbs and split ends,
now graying and longer.
My twisted withering face,
the baggage you assigned.
A noose you held with thrifty cigarette,
icehouse beer your marathon water.
Traded in the bottle neck,
your worshipped amber glass,
for my replacement flesh.
Your exit plan I swindled.
My saving grace strategy
placed stinging sharp steel
wrapping your wrists,
filling your hands,
In my place.
Rough draft 2
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He seduces you still
Seven years passed
Since sitting on that stand
Conviction
Sentencing
He possesses you still
Studying eyes
Scanning your shock novel
Classified
On canvas
I am seeking honest critiques of these two very rough draft poems. Please don't hold back - I need the feedback to make them better.
Rough draft 1
-------------------------------------------------------
I recognize you in my rearview mirror
enclosing every form I view.
You penetrate my house -
intimate moments
when I return late, lights out:
Showering, sobbing, sleeping.
I feel you stalking me in deserted lots,
scrutinizing still from the shadows.
Shocks of electricity radiate from my chest
through my shaking limbs and split ends,
now graying and longer.
My twisted withering face,
the baggage you assigned.
A noose you held with thrifty cigarette,
icehouse beer your marathon water.
Traded in the bottle neck,
your worshipped amber glass,
for my replacement flesh.
Your exit plan I swindled.
My saving grace strategy
placed stinging sharp steel
wrapping your wrists,
filling your hands,
In my place.
Rough draft 2
---------------------------------------------------
He seduces you still
Seven years passed
Since sitting on that stand
Conviction
Sentencing
He possesses you still
Studying eyes
Scanning your shock novel
Classified
On canvas
