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Seeing the truth, knowing the truth, believing the lies

@podface- I didn't read the details, the story is the same, you marry a junkie and you are probably a just like if you got to prison not jail for drugs

I didn't say the behavior is acceptable and I do believe I mentioned divorce.

I ama functional opiate user but I use them for pain and the dependency that occurs from long term usage which my doctors are fully aware of.

I don't knod out unless I haven't slept, am exhausted at the end of the day or if I choose to get more drugs and abuse them.

I have been functional for most the time I used which goes back to childhood. I was given drugs by older siblings ad young as I can remember.

As a teen I helped people harvest weed and poppies, make opium and make moonshine so I had access.

I left all that behind and just took pills for my back ibtil I had some very bad injuries and went to pain clinics.

Pain clinics was a bad choice and when they closed I turned to heroin. Now I just get pills from a doctor and take as Rx'd. I am in so much pain I won't stop but my use these days doesn't bother anyone but I do get sick in the morning which is nothing new.

I might be functional just because I have to be. No one is taking care of me.

I wouldn't want the situation that the OPs bf has where a woman is being his mom half the time, no thanks, talk about codependent.
 
Broken74 said:
I'm so angry, he just nearly drove me head on into a parked car because he nodded off driving. I'm looking at my phone and glance up to see us completely on the wrong side of the road. I scream his name over n over and he swerved at the last second!!!

But... hes not high. He just looked away for a second. OMFG are you even kidding me?? So still he will deny to protect that addiction, even at the expense of injuring innocent lives.
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Honestly just get the fuck out of that relationship. Don't wait around for him to kill himself. Leave now. Just my opinion. He isn't ready to admit he has a problem despite putting your life at risk. Leave that scum. You seem nice and I'm sure you can find someone who isn't such a selfish fiend. Just my opinion.
 
This may be true, although from the articles I read, it had nothing to do with drugs and he has always told me that this is a new thing and he never had this issue b4. I've believed him, and when we knew each other in the late 90s early 2000s he didn't have that problem. Idk, I clearly question everything at this point. But I would not enter a situation with a known existing addict, at least not intentionally.
dopemaster said:
You knew him when he was in prison, clean by force, and desperate for a woman. Don't lie to yourself for starters.

Look my best friend is in prison, he met a woman thru another inmates gf, he will get out do well probably marry her and use drugs again, that is his pattern.

You never really know anyone. If I was in prison, I would be clean cuz I wouldn't want to purchase drugs in there because of risk of increased charges, disease, and having problems with my fellow inmates.

Pain can make anyone go back on pain medication. He might just not take it as rx'd or maybe he just has a really strong rx. If he is just knodding and has no tracks he isn't doing that bad as compared to IV drug use.

Talk to him if you want answers. You need to get him to talk to you but not be too confrontational or blaming cuz if he is in pain he will be very frustrated. Opiate wd is hell and some people just can't do it. Some people just can't do life without pain medicine and/or opiates.

If he is in pain he should go to a good doctor and follow the doctors advice. Pain medication will make you knod, especially if your tolerance is low (ie being in prison for a while and therefor abstaining). Good luck.
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Shroomy.... ur p.m. box has exceeded maximum storage ?

He texted me after I left, telling me its been 4 days and he swears he hadn't taken ANYTHING that day and that the day b4 he took a subx to prevent him from taking anything else. He's saying how he is just exhausted from not sleeping everyday and he feels like he is coming out of a fog.
Basically, he's saying the nodding is from part of his w/d. And that he is trying very hard.
 
Knodding isn't wd typically. Lack of sleep I'd for sure.

Pretty sure you can knod on Subutex rather easy even inject it (not good idea) which people do.

Maybe he feels like he is coming back to life but fuck him he deceived you.

I have always had the decency to tell someone when I was using drugs. I never put lives in danger.

Don't go back except for your stuff when he is not there. If you don't need it well fuck it, you got off easy, alive and debt free.

I bet he is out of drugs and could use a shoulder to cry on, a purse to steal from, some sex, and food.

You don't need to do that. It is his problem now. I am an ex needle user and I don't feel sorry for him so neither should you.
 
This forum is really helpful to me. I want to thank each of you.

I went back to my first posting date, which was 11/1/16. We are 11 days in and the days all seem to roll together. I feel like I've been on a hamster wheel and every once in a while the image dangling in front of the wheel changes. So for nearly 2 weeks nothing has really changed, other than I trust him less and am now worried for my own life on top of his.

This really helps put things into perspective.
 
So you gonna shit or get off the pot, So to speak?

You gonna leave the moron who can't control his drug use and doesn't care about anyone, even himself.

He is toxic. It will kill you emotionally if not physically.

Try looking at it like this: He wasn't who you thought he was so there is nothing lost there
 
I left last night. Near death experience was enough to kick in my PTSD. He needs to completely quit b4 we could talk again about a future. I can no longer accept tapering down and weaning.
 
Sorry to hear it, especially if he has been doing well over the last few days. 'Coming out of the fog' sounds gen up but you cannot hang in there indefinitely.

It's down to him now. Either he will get the motivation to build on what he MAY have achieved this week (I already suggested that these periods of questionable consciousness can be a feature of a w/d syndrome - not a 'nod' if he is rousable) so that he has at least half a chance at sorting things out when you next check in

OR

He will use the situation as an excuse to bury his head in these chemicals due to misery. That is what I would do. Either way, there is not anything more that you can do to help, it's up to him. Good luck and love to you both xxx
 
steewith2ees said:
Sorry to hear it, especially if he has been doing well over the last few days. 'Coming out of the fog' sounds gen up but you cannot hang in there indefinitely.

It's down to him now. Either he will get the motivation to build on what he MAY have achieved this week (I already suggested that these periods of questionable consciousness can be a feature of a w/d syndrome - not a 'nod' if he is rousable) so that he has at least half a chance at sorting things out when you next check in

OR

He will use the situation as an excuse to bury his head in these chemicals due to misery. That is what I would do. Either way, there is not anything more that you can do to help, it's up to him. Good luck and love to you both xxx
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Ty Stees.... I think I needed a timeout. It really flipping scared me staring down the headlights of an immovable object. The impact was going to take place on my side, we were going at an angle so he would have woke up from impact and been fine, but the force was coming to my side no doubt.

But honestly, I think it was good for me mentally to break away from dwelling on it every day. It was always on my mind. So I did some house work and chores I've been putting off. This weekend was so "normal" it was almost boring.

I have a ua test kit and next time I see him if he is claiming he's clean ... he can show me through the kit b4 we move forward. I did think he was making progress, I truly did. But I can't put my life in jeopardy, I know he's really feeling shitty about it and I hope one day we can have what we did b4. He's my soulmate. I swear.
 
Hmm, yeah I hope things work out. I'm not fully understanding what's going on, but yeah, good luck too. :)
 
Kl519 said:
Hmm, yeah I hope things work out. I'm not fully understanding what's going on, but yeah, good luck too. :)
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Ty for the support, my OP kind of sums it up, but I was trying to stick things out with my bf while he gets clean until my life was endangered when he nodded at the wheel and nearly crashed me head on into a parked vehicle. So that's it in a nutshell.
 
Broken74 said:
Ty for the support, my OP kind of sums it up, but I was trying to stick things out with my bf while he gets clean until my life was endangered when he nodded at the wheel and nearly crashed me head on into a parked vehicle. So that's it in a nutshell.
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I see. I'm sure you'll be fine. You know what to do already. :)
 
Someone who Is willing to come clean to you feels guilty about doing the junk. These people tend to have a blinded judgement, but think of addiction like a cage, and the guard is really abusive. Your brain wants to be happy and loving for others, and wants to make your partner proud of them. Most people forget all that when they use. Happiness takes over and its not worried about until later. Coming down and off makes you really wish you could go without the drug and be the same happy. Without support from someone who is very important to you the person getting high, its pretty much unbearable. For most addicts using a drug that causes a strong depressive come down, its not getting high. Its getting normal. In the sence that you can socialize and not feel like a freak.

If you truly are troubled by someone else's addiction, talk to them at their worst mental state of sadness. If they are escaping reality, and withdrawal, it may be time for a clinic detox (heroin) and non institutionalized mental rehabilitation. The first step after withdrawal is restoring self confidence. It goes a long way

- ex opiate addict, current daily drug user. Just my personal struggle as well.
Sometimes
 
LordOfTabs said:
Someone who Is willing to come clean to you feels guilty about doing the junk. These people tend to have a blinded judgement, but think of addiction like a cage, and the guard is really abusive. Your brain wants to be happy and loving for others, and wants to make your partner proud of them. Most people forget all that when they use. Happiness takes over and its not worried about until later. Coming down and off makes you really wish you could go without the drug and be the same happy. Without support from someone who is very important to you the person getting high, its pretty much unbearable. For most addicts using a drug that causes a strong depressive come down, its not getting high. Its getting normal. In the sence that you can socialize and not feel like a freak.

If you truly are troubled by someone else's addiction, talk to them at their worst mental state of sadness. If they are escaping reality, and withdrawal, it may be time for a clinic detox (heroin) and non institutionalized mental rehabilitation. The first step after withdrawal is restoring self confidence. It goes a long way

- ex opiate addict, current daily drug user. Just my personal struggle as well.
Sometimes
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What you say rings with alot of truth. I guess at times, I try to be uplifting and supportive ....I make recognition of the progress I see, but it's like how do you do that and not let your guard down at the same time. My personal character code, it's like I can't be untrue to what I am feeling myself, so either I have to put 100% into calling things as I see them (trust me I ddi that with the greatest of ease, I'm not a yeller or condescending) or.. I put all that aside and put 100% into being positive and happy(I prefer this) and making my man feel like he's the most amazing person in the world, bcuz he is (to me)! But history has it, when I let my guard down is when things go to shit in my life.

Right now we have been communicating over the phone, and his voice even sounds healthier. He said today he took 20mg percocet. And the same a few days prior. I know that he is sounding and communicating more clearly, and I'm reminded of the guy I fell in love with when I hear him now. Before, I would hear his voice and question everything based on the drowsiness sound or not completing sentences or conversations. So I think the time away is good, although I don't want to drag it out too long and make him feel like he's making efforts in vain. I think the near collision scared him just as much as it did me , I know how much he loves me and must be really feeling bad about placing my life endanger.
 
Great to hear that he sounds better - I wouldn't jump right back into this, though. Acute withdrawal only lasts around 5 to 10 days and it's the easy part for most people. Afterwards, the extreme cravings and other issues start up. You could support him from a distance during that part. That's what I'm dealing with right now, and he is likely going to relapse before getting his shit together. Especially considering this involves heroin.

I would still give it some time, as great as he is sounding. Just my opinion. It would suck if you got back together in the near future and he started using again. You're probably his sole motivation to quit, and it really doesn't happen in a week.
 
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