deidara
Bluelighter
I've been with my fiance for the last 3 years and the first 2 were amazing. We were both clean and did lot of fun things together. We moved in together around a year and a half, and a little later got engaged. A little over a year ago we relapsed together and have been using heavily together this past year. On friday I am moving to NC where my family is because we have to get clean and we've tried so many times and I can't do it here, there are too many reminders. He can't make the move with me because he got caught stealing money from his work so he has to stay here and work off his debt. The plan was for me to move into my moms house, get clean, get a job and save up money so we can get an apartment there as soon as hes done paying his debt back (he's got like 2 months) but he keeps saying shit like "your the one who's leaving" and making me think that he's not planning on moving down there with me!! We are very codependent and I think some time apart would be good for us, plus I think of it as starting a new life in a new place, but he just thinks of it as "im leaving him". I love him so much and would give up every drug to keep him if thats what I had to do, and I know he would do the same for me. I'm just scared though, because he keeps giving me these little hints that this is the end. I'm worried that on friday when I get my car packed up and am about to head out hes gonna be like "bye nice knowing ya" or some shit. I'm really worried about him too, bc where I'm moving I'll be with my family, but here he has no one. He's gonna drink himself into oblivion every night (since he cant afford drugs) and cry himself to sleep. I just want to be happy again with him and do fun things like we used to and marry him and have his babies in a few years lol. I know all this is possible and I know its up to both of us to do the right thing, save money so he can come, I'm just scared that when the time comes, he's gonna head west instead of east and run away. Maybe I should follow him. Idk, this is our last week together and we always are like "lets do something fun today!" like go to the park or the pool or something, but we never do anything that doesn't relate to getting fucked up. Wow this is long ok coming to an end, if anyone took the time to read this thanks. I'm just scared of losing him basically.
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