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Say something you can't say to their face

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Cream Gravy? said:
Just because you're on your period doesn't mean you can be a right cunt to me and I won't get pissed.
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Get pissed but it would behoove your situation to make allowance for horomones; in saying that, that doesnt excuse not being warranted an apology for madness-induced mood-swings - it's all relative, CG ;) Keep the head straight - even when all around you have lost theirs...etc. <3
 
...I have no map and that freaks me the fuck out.
Thanks for being understanding - I still want to push you away - im terrible at dealing with these situations and I dont want to be made a fool of, or be 'the asshole' - so feel lost.
I may fuck a good thing up but if there is a good reason not to, at this stage, I think I know whats right for me and what isn't.
 
CoastTwoCoast said:
Thanks. My ex found his brother dead in bed yesterday morning. It was really hard calling his mom to give my condolences. I'm just trying to be supportive at this time. His brother was very sweet, a quiet introvert. Unfortunately, he got hooked on opiates when this girl introduced him to it. I'm thinking his heart gave out from the abuse. Sad.
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Very Sad. :(

Just keep your boundaries hun; being compassionate doesn't warrant anyone to cross them Your call on the situation.
You sound like a good friend; go with that - best thing on offer; kindest and most helpful. ;)
Your situation mirrors mine, in many ways and Ive got a best friend out of it and he me, so, with effort and self-respect - it's manageable - you mind yourself <3
 
I love you, and I'm thankful for you. However, I don't believe you are mature enough just yet. You try your hardest to convince me that 4 years isn't much of an age difference, but the fact that you're only 23 still hold strong. You're mature by certain standards, but when it comes to adulthood issues financially speaking and how you handle stressful situations, I am afraid of ever really starting a future with you. You're arrogant and stubborn, I speak to you with experience and nothing more, but you're to pig-headed to grasp that so I say nothing.
 
And to my ex: we could have been great. Nearly 6 years together wasted by your addiction to video games. It's embarrassing for me to even talk about. I still would be with you. I would run back in a heartbeat if it meant things would return to how they were. And on the other side, I hate you still. I hate you for wasting my time. I hate you for still having an effect on me preventing me from fully loving someone else. I wish you would have just taken care of yourself and me. Shower. Dates. Brush your fucking teeth. Buy some new clothes. It's also going to kill me when you actually do get it together and spend your life with someone else, because I too am selfish.
 
And to my best friend of 14 years: you're turning into an absolute cunt. You pass judgement on me for not living to your standards of living (wifey, sahm, totally dependent, home body) and then turn around and say you're just jealous and that makes it okay. You tear me down and call out my imperfections, but when I respond with maturity and explain where I'm coming from or even stoop down and point out your flaws, you ignore them or spew even more hatred. You constantly brag about cutting toxic people out of your life, but if you took a hard look in the mirror you'd see it is actually you who is abusive and toxic to nearly everyone around you.
 
Asclepius said:
Very Sad. :(
Just keep your boundaries hun; being compassionate doesn't warrant anyone to cross them Your call on the situation.
You sound like a good friend; go with that - best thing on offer; kindest and most helpful. ;)
Your situation mirrors mine, in many ways and Ive got a best friend out of it and he me, so, with effort and self-respect - it's manageable - you mind yourself <3
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This is the same ex I was with over a year and recently broke up with. He's the one I've been talking about the whole time in this thread. I realized he's a manipulative psychopath. He has no respect for boundaries. I told you he brought flowers to my house at the end of last month when we were broken up. I cut him off for good. Then not even a month later, his brother died and I had to be in contact again to give my condolences. He took it too far though and that's why I said this:

CoastTwoCoast said:
Our time is over for good. You were sent back into my life as a test. Yes, you were sent, but definitely not Heaven sent like I thought in the past. I had to send you right back out of my life. Now that I know your tactics, it was easy to dodge your controlling and manipulative ways. You kept using grief as a way to keep me in chains. You're not sincere at all. You made it more about us than your deceased brother, with all your "love-bombing" as if we were still in a relationship. You wanted me to fall into the old pattern of saying "I love you too." No. This time, I love ME more!
If I were still blinded by your ways and stuck around, you would have only continued to drain me for your emotional support and ego boost.

Thanks for the life lesson though. I know exactly what to look out for in the future. I will no longer compromise and I am saving myself until marriage.
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With someone like him, there is no such thing as remaining friends. I tried to be kind when I told him we need to go our own way for a while, that's when he gave me guilt-trips about leaving while he's grieving. He always tries to make me feel sorry for him. It doesn't work anymore. He was only upset he was losing control over me and I see through his BS. He wouldn't let go so I told him to leave me alone and had to block him.

I'm glad you got a best friend out of your situation. That was impossible with my ex.

Oh and I forgot to mention how we were on the phone and he was asking me "Are you seeing someone?" Really? Your brother is dead and that's what you want to focus on? I said "That's none of your business!"
He was like "I'm not seeing anyone, ask my mom."

Asking his mom would be a joke. I'm sure he told his mom to lie to me about other women he's talking to.

Anyway, I had to block him and be done with it. Using his brother to make me feel guilty is low. He has friends and family to support him longterm.
 
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I hope you are not talking about me, why would I be worried if you are anyway.

Just tell me straight instead of bei g a mega poo face.
 
This isn't all your fault. You've known me for over a decade, but you've never seen me this depressed before. It was easier to push you away instead of keeping you around watching my mental health deteriorate. Remember me how I used to be.
 
CoastTwoCoast said:
This is the same ex I was with over a year and recently broke up with. He's the one I've been talking about the whole time in this thread. I realized he's a manipulative psychopath. He has no respect for boundaries. I told you he brought flowers to my house at the end of last month when we were broken up. I cut him off for good. Then not even a month later, his brother died and I had to be in contact again to give my condolences. He took it too far though and that's why I said this:



With someone like him, there is no such thing as remaining friends. I tried to be kind when I told him we need to go our own way for a while, that's when he gave me guilt-trips about leaving while he's grieving. He always tries to make me feel sorry for him. It doesn't work anymore. He was only upset he was losing control over me and I see through his BS. He wouldn't let go so I told him to leave me alone and had to block him.

I'm glad you got a best friend out of your situation. That was impossible with my ex.

Oh and I forgot to mention how we were on the phone and he was asking me "Are you seeing someone?" Really? Your brother is dead and that's what you want to focus on? I said "That's none of your business!"
He was like "I'm not seeing anyone, ask my mom."

Asking his mom would be a joke. I'm sure he told his mom to lie to me about other women he's talking to.

Anyway, I had to block him and be done with it. Using his brother to make me feel guilty is low. He has friends and family to support him longterm.
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I apologise if it appeared like I was conflating my situation with yours. I wasn't - there is no way to compare, nor is that fair, just or rational.

My point was that, in time, in a long process - you will forget about all the pain you are experiencing and be able to get on with your life.
My ex, although I say 'best friend'- I went through a lot; we have nothing in common; he is not someone I want to be with.

By best friend, I mean, its not all roses - its just he is the one person, I had a bond with - a damaged bond. We both are.

He, worse than I( in terms of insight and perspective; I worse than him in terms of other things). In the context of a relationship he could not give me what I needed. After a time, I got the clarity to step back ( not see him as a man but as a human), I stopped taking it personally and saw a broken person; more broken than me ( he needed a comrade and I was that but had to leave it there and walk away from everything he wanted to manipulate).

It took a LOT of shit and anguish but we reconciled. I still think he is a cunt. =D But then again, so am I ;) - but we are different.

Thats the focus on difference ( we bonded in trying to heal our brokenness but we dont fit, as partners ( there was a deficit that neither could fix) - its that simple. But I love him like family ( granted my family are dysfunctional but lol he is just a product of it, like me)

SO, Im not trying to denounce your hurt or pain or, the injustice you have experienced but what Im saying is, someone needs to step up to the plate and see sense, lead and go the way that leads to sanity. You can not rely on an unreliable person and can not rely on a manipulator ( this behaviour is beneath your commmon sense and better judgement and you need to believe in that). Follow your own path and be true to yourself and those that really have the capacity to genuinely, love you, respect you and want you to grow. <3
 
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Asclepius said:
I apologise if it appeared like I was conflating my situation with yours. I wasn't - there is no way to compare, nor is that fair, just or rational.

My point was that, in time, in a long process - you will forget about all the pain you are experiencing and be able to get on with your life.
My ex, although I say 'best friend'- I went through a lot; we have nothing in common; he is not someone I want to be with.

By best friend, I mean, its not all roses - its just he is the one person, I had a bond with - a damaged bond. We both are.

He, worse than I( in terms of insight and perspective; I worse than him in terms of other things). In the context of a relationship he could not give me what I needed. After a time, I got the clarity to step back ( not see him as a man but as a human), I stopped taking it personally and saw a broken person; more broken than me ( he needed a comrade and I was that but had to leave it there and walk away from everything he wanted to manipulate).

It took a LOT of shit and anguish but we reconciled. I still think he is a cunt. =D But then again, so am I ;) - but we are different.

Thats the focus on difference ( we bonded in trying to heal our brokenness but we dont fit, as partners ( there was a deficit that neither could fix) - its that simple. But I love him like family ( granted my family are dysfunctional but lol he is just a product of it, like me)

SO, Im not trying to denounce your hurt or pain or, the injustice you have experienced but what Im saying is, someone needs to step up to the plate and see sense, lead and go the way that leads to sanity. You can not rely on an unreliable person and can not rely on a manipulator ( this behaviour is beneath your commmon sense and better judgement and you need to believe in that). Follow your own path and be true to yourself and those that really have the capacity to genuinely, love you, respect you and want you to grow. <3
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"I still think he is a cunt." Hahaha! Thank you for the laugh. It's wonderful you have that bond with your ex.
That could possibly happen in the future with more space between us to get over feelings first. Our breakup and the situation with his brother all happened too close together. That's why I was explaining to him that time apart is important.
I still miss him, but it's for the best.

I need to take care of myself emotionally first. I'll be gone from this board for a while so I wanted to thank you for always being so supportive and understanding. You're such an exceptional person and the people in your life are really lucky to have you! Take good care. <3
 
CoastTwoCoast said:
"I still think he is a cunt." Hahaha! Thank you for the laugh. It's wonderful you have that bond with your ex.
That could possibly happen in the future with more space between us to get over feelings first. Our breakup and the situation with his brother all happened too close together. That's why I was explaining to him that time apart is important.
I still miss him, but it's for the best.

I need to take care of myself emotionally first. I'll be gone from this board for a while so I wanted to thank you for always being so supportive and understanding. You're such an exceptional person and the people in your life are really lucky to have you! Take good care. <3
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Aw, shucks now, thank you, much.:|<3

You are a very smart lady; dont ever spend your heart on anything that doesnt reciprocate - its a measure of yourself; so, if it drains you, its not worth it.
Much loves to you. <3
 
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