Thanks for all of the detailed answers. For me personally, I am not seeking out MDMA for the high of it. In fact, I've never just blissed out on MDMA at all. I've only used it in therapeutic contexts and I have no desire or craving for it other than from the rational standpoint of it helping me heal my trauma. I wouldn't even characterize the experience as euphoric. Not to say that it isn't, but my attention is more captured by its ability to allow me to feel more, feel whatever needs to be felt, and allow it to move through me. For someone who's been disconnected from feeling for much of my life, the experience of feeling
in and of itself is euphoric.
I'm glad I posted this thread because I was not thinking that it was as detrimental to one's health as these responses everyone has posted seem to indicate. For me personally, I don't even usually have a hangover afterward, either that or the therapeutic benefits from the session take a front seat to whatever depletion might be present the following day.
Since I take mushrooms weekly, I certainly wasn't planning on using MDMA that often, since I know that weekly usage would be a disaster after doing that for a few sessions. However, I didn't realize that you'd need to potentially wait 6 months for the full neurological rebalancing to occur. Man that seems like a really long time.
What you are doing sounds therapeutic but it's not the same. PTSD related therapy is about changing how the person responds to certain stimulus that provoke physiological changes in the body involuntarily. Extinction implies there are conditioned responses to be corrected and this means integration of the painful memories and also internalized emotional states that keep the person "locked" into a traumatized way of interacting with the world. I am pretty sure that's the basis for the therapy anyway!
I think for most people, PTSD conjures up the notion of someone getting blown up in battle, or some "Big T" trauma. The reality is that trauma is basically some maladaptive script that's running, or some form of old programming that was potentially adaptive at one time but is no longer necessary but it's stuck in the on position. So my therapy, despite not having any objective big T traumas, is still the treatment of PTSD. I'm using the mushrooms to learn a healthier was of being for my nervous system, learning how to feel, learning how to let energy move through my body and ground out without interrupting that process. At the deepest level, trauma is a fixity in the nervous system, and then all of the other symptoms arise from that. If the energy can be processed out then the rest of the symptoms dissolve - that's always been my experience, that something has to move through the body and process out to completion.
I definitely agree that integration is just as important as the actual session itself. If the session is therapeutically successful, then integration to me means continually honing the new healthier neural/visceral pathways in every part of your life. It's akin to a gutter being flushed out. If the gutter has been clogged for years with muck and sediment, you have to really get in there and spend a day digging all of that gunk out. That's the session itself. Then afterward, to avoid having to do another deep clean a year later, you just make sure to regularly flush water through there so stuff doesn't accumulate. That's how I see it, and experiences in daily life are continual opportunities to carry out that regular flushing procedure.
You probably don't want to hear this but I'd also suggest that you cut back on your intake of mushrooms and LSD. I'd space those out to at least 6-12 months in between if possible. I avoid microdosing all together now I don't find it to give much benefit anymore.
Personally I don't feel this is necessary. If I were taking mushrooms every day then yes I'd probably build up a tolerance, but I've never experienced that with my weekly sessions. Every session is somewhat different, but the nervous system exercising that I get from the mushrooms as well as the processing of unconscious material has not faded when doing weekly sessions for me.