• Bluelight
    Shrine




    A memorial
    to Bluelighters
    who have passed away

Rest In Peace, Nurse Ratched

DrMike said:
I haven't recorded original material since I was in high school. I'm struggling to learn how to use computers and Digital Audio Workstations, etc. They frustrate me and I don't think we should be relying on computers as much as we do when creating original material. I certainly will let the board know if I come up with something, even if it is just a few sad chords played in a minor key. Thanks for the encouragement!
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I completely understand that. Production is my primary struggle, so I'm in the same boat, and it's incredibly frustrating and limiting for musicians. Definitely keep at it though if you are passionate about music, it takes time but you can figure it out 🙏

I'd still he happy just to read the lyrics if you don't record anything 🌹
 
Hey Claire,

I can't believe that it has been over a year.
I am still struggling to write anything....
I guess it feels like if I don't start putting it into words then I don't have to start processing that you are gone, but I will come back when I am ready.

DrMike said:
Thank you that was very kind of you to say! I have been sitting in front of computers since I was around 11 years old, but I feel like I was born to be in the musical world. Learning DAWs is something I NEED to do, and unfortunately drug use has gotten in the way... (surprise!) So I'm struggling with physical pain, emotional/mental distress, and also some difficulties with my coordination caused by all of the meds I am on. But the bright side is, when using a DAW, I don't necessarily have to worry about playing with perfect timing, bc I can cheat with the DAW and make it sound like it is in perfect musical timing. I am very glad that I can still pick up my guitars and play them, bc I should've been dead many times over. (!!!)
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I've been trying to learn production since my teenage years as well but have had life get in the way too.
If you're looking for someone to learn with (like a music production study buddy), feel free to shoot me a PM.
 
I was driving to work this morning, and i was listening to an audiobook that mentioned Michigan. NR crossed my mind, as she does any time the place is mentioned.

I miss you Claire you are greatly loved! ❤️🙏
 
deficiT said:
I wish I could've said how much I loved her and how much she inspired and supported me through my own personal trouble.
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Man, I'm sorry. It sucks life takes people away like it does.

I think she knows, more than ever, how you feel. Whether you believe in that kind of stuff or not... I don't mean to preach or sound like I'm a bible banger. I'm not. I just believe there is more than this place, and I believe it waits for all of us. Seen too much weird shit to ignore it any longer. And I really think they know, the people we love and care about... what we feel and think—what our true intentions and selves are like.

(Apparently this happened over a year ago, my apologies. I still meant what I said.)
 
Nurse Ratched and I used to hang out at the "Youtube Court TV channel" and would compare notes on trial proceedings as they happened. I think of her every day.
 
Uden said:
Man, I'm sorry. It sucks life takes people away like it does.

I think she knows, more than ever, how you feel. Whether you believe in that kind of stuff or not... I don't mean to preach or sound like I'm a bible banger. I'm not. I just believe there is more than this place, and I believe it waits for all of us. Seen too much weird shit to ignore it any longer. And I really think they know, the people we love and care about... what we feel and think—what our true intentions and selves are like.

(Apparently this happened over a year ago, my apologies. I still meant what I said.)
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I appreciate it all the same thank you 🙏❤️
 
deficiT said:
I appreciate it all the same thank you 🙏❤️
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Hey don't mention it brother. Life can really be... sad, a lot of the time. I hate to see it like that. I never really know what to say and everything I can think of always seems inadequate. But I still want to try and give people hope, help however I can. So I blunder my way through shit. :p
 
I still haven't been able to make good on the truest advice you repeatedly gave me, but I'm trying. I'm really, really trying.
 
Sorry she passed - may I ask what happened or is that private/personal? (Which I completely respect if so)

Haha we needed a hardass like that around. (And I mean that in a good way!)
 
I was just talking to my girlfriend about Claire again today.
The Shrine was the first place I came when I logged back on today.
I've finally started processing her death after nearly 2 years.

I've been working on a personal offline project to honor the memories of the 15 or so friends and acquaintances that I've lost (almost all to overdoses and suicide) and it seems like that was the push I finally needed.
I had the incredible opportunity to present that project to about 20 people at a small conference this past month, and it was really nice to share stories with others who have also lost people.

I do wonder how Claire's family is doing.
@deficiT do you have any contact with them?
 
arrall said:
I was just talking to my girlfriend about Claire again today.
The Shrine was the first place I came when I logged back on today.
I've finally started processing her death after nearly 2 years.

I've been working on a personal offline project to honor the memories of the 15 or so friends and acquaintances that I've lost (almost all to overdoses and suicide) and it seems like that was the push I finally needed.
I had the incredible opportunity to present that project to about 20 people at a small conference this past month, and it was really nice to share stories with others who have also lost people.

I do wonder how Claire's family is doing.
@deficiT do you have any contact with them?
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Glad you're making good progress processing those losses. It's a hard thing to do and it takes time.

Sounds like a cool project, would love to hear about it, feel free to reach out anytime regarding it

No, I had not really spoken to her mom aside from when I reached out and she shared the news. I'm usually hesitant to have much contact with someone who's passed family unless I know them fairly well already. Losing Claire had nothing to do with drugs, but I tend to assume that the family members of BLers think of us as "that drug website", and don't want to hear from us.

She seemed glad to be able to let us know, so that may be an incorrect assumption in this case, but yeah that's just my general thought process there
 
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arrall said:
I've finally started processing her death after nearly 2 years
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I get it.
Losing her, C.H and others almost pushed me away from BL.
Talked to therapist about passions and told her i used to be about bl and asked why no more. First thing that came to mind was Claire. Then others. So my response was basically the loss of those I care for/about. She knows how I feel about loss....
She ( Claire ) is the bees knees.
❤️
 
PtahTek said:
I get it.
Losing her, C.H and others almost pushed me away from BL.
Talked to therapist about passions and told her i used to be about bl and asked why no more. First thing that came to mind was Claire. Then others. So my response was basically the loss of those I care for/about. She knows how I feel about loss....
She ( Claire ) is the bees knees.
❤️
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I'm glad to still see you here <3
Supporting each other around this is the only way to get through things
 
arrall said:
I'm glad to still see you here <3
Supporting each other around this is the only way to get through things
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Thanks for this.
I feel a new chapter of life is upon me and also feel that support is a key component in the same. Not sure what that looks like (haven't been one to get support from others mostly) so an old dog learning new tricks.
I think about our discussions about western omelets often and wish i coulda actually made her one....
❤️
 
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