Benzos Relying on benzos?

[suessmayr]

I'm not dependent on any benzo, though I was until about 10-12 months ago. At the moment - for about the past month or two - I've been getting Serepax (oxazepam) legitimately from my psychiatrist. I only receive treatment from him and I don't doctor shop. I don't use the Serepax to get high, only for anxiety. Since getting off buprenorphine about 5 months ago my anxiety/panic has been unbearable. It has been so extreme that I generally cannot do the simplest things like ride a bus, attend a performance or see a friend.

I was barely using the Serepax during the University semester because it makes studying and concentrating too difficult (used it once every 1-2 weeks). But now that I'm on holidays I have been using it more than usual (once every 2-4 days). My shrink scripted me a PRN dose of 30mg twice a day. This just isn't effective for my anxiety and I've been using 120mg at once or in two 60mg doses. At these doses it is like total liberation. I am calm, lucid and not high. I can connect with people and have fun and not feel constantly afraid.

So I guess I have two questions: (1) what do I do about this dose increase? Initially I was only prescribed 30mg once daily and I had to nag my shrink to increase it to 30mg twice daily. I don't think he'll increase it again. And this will become an issue when I run out. Would a different benzo be more appropriate? And (2) I'm concerned about the increased frequency of my use. Tomorrow I have plans and will need to use the Serepax after having used it today. Use on consecutive days is a first for me.

 

[DistyBoi]

Well the obvious advice is to try to take as little as possible as infrequently as possible, really push yourself. 120mg is a large dose, I'd suggest that even though its nice you should not be feeling 'totally liberated' as your not pushing your comfort zone, but just enforcing the thought that you will always need drugs to rely on. Try just 30, or even 15mg sometimes, see if you can get by in some situations. If not fine, put it back up. But try to keep lowering it.

Try some other anti anxiety products maybe if your worried about benzos: Baclofen, Pregabalin, Phenibut, Gabapentin, or if your anxiety manifests as panick attacks which escalate beta blockers like propranolol might prove very useful.

And I dont know if you are anytyhing like I used to be after I had tapered off a 6 month benzo addiction, but when you say "at these doses it is like total liberation. I am calm, lucid and not high. I can connect with people and have fun and not feel constantly afraid." that reminds me of when I thought that I was clean off benzos but was actually still in mild but very prolonged withdrawals. I thought that this is just what I was like, always anxious around people, and the only way to be normal and relax was to have a few sly benzos every now and again as a treat. After a 3 month holiday in thailand with no drugs at all (and lots of excersise) when I came back I realised that I had just been in a constant state of mild gaba withdrawal for about a year, every occasional benzo/gaba-drug had just drawn it out longer. When back I felt normal all the time, not just after a benzo.

 

[DistyBoi]

Would a different benzo be more appropriate?

Personally I would think clonazepam would be more effective. It will last a lot longer in your system so you will likely only need one dose in a day, so you wont have to think about drugs as often, which will help you think you are generally less reliant on them.

 

[suessmayr]

I don't like long-acting benzos. Often I will only need a benzo to help me through a specific event - a tutorial, a concert, a meeting with someone - and I am bothered by the idea of being wasted for such an unnecessarily long period of time. I hated valium because it was like being constantly wasted. With shorter acting benzos like alprazolam, temazepam, nitrazepam and even oxazepam, you can use them for a few hours and then return essentially to sobriety.

Also, my shrink said that he prefers to give oxazepam to people who have had previous issues with benzos. The idea is that, because it takes so long to take effect - at least 2 hours (no joke) - it's harder to abuse and much less addictive. I probably agree with this. But the drawback is that you need to constantly plan to take benzos hours in advance. Whereas if I had alprazolam, say, I could see how I go with a situation and if necessary just bail for 15 min, dose, and return.

I hear what you say about the benzo withdrawal...and I cringe to think that I may be worsening/lengthening my own by using occasionally. But I just don't see any other option. I'm totally debilitated otherwise. The best way I can describe it is as constant, unending fear. It's fucking exhausting.

 

[suessmayr]

Oh and I tried Inderal (propranolol) but it made me hopelessly, dangerously depressed.

My shrink said that Gabapentin/Lyrica/Pregabilin are not really used in Australia.

And I want to avoid the specifically anxiolytic anti-depressants like Paxil and Avanza as they have caused me to gain weight in the past.