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Relationship Advice

Well DJC, what is the worst thing that can happen if u tell her? Rejection. That is better than not asking her or telling her and live in regrets that you will never know the answer.
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Raving goes beyond what words can Express!
 
OK, i'm gonna throw a spanner in the works. I lost a friendship of well over 2 years after going out with them, and breaking up. It is mostly my fault that we are not friends anymore, coz to be honest i can't stand seeing her after the way she treated me. The point is, everyone said we should of just stayed best friends..... I don't wanna get into that same boat. Then again, the people that i know who have been married or together for ever, say that they have to be best friends in order for things to work out.
I think whats best for me is to wipe a clean slate and forget the past and move on with the future.
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Thanx Tars for your email.
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^V^ nosey aren't you?? hehehe I knew it wouldn't take long for my friends to start asking questions.
You'll hear about it if anything ever works out, trust me.
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DJC
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"We are the children of the revolution"
[This message has been edited by DJC* (edited 04 June 2001).]
 
loosing best friends sucks...but another one is always just around the corner.
Getting burned is always going to make you hesitate so do what you feel comfortable with DJC.
Thanks for letting me hijack too - hope it goes your way!
nezo.
 
hmmmmm....
and you'd WANT to be best friends with someone who has the capacity to treat you like shit?
 
nope - but you can never tell till it's too late.
Loosing a friend isn't a reason to shrink away from making more - yeah, so you meet a couple of bad eggs along the way but hopefully you manage to sort out the wheat from the chaff. That was my point. No one goes into a relationship (and that's being friends is) thinking that they're going to treat you like shit.
 
DJC.. You need to tell her something.. Ok so the friendship is new and it might be a little too soon to go declaring your undying love for her however it cant hurt to tell her how she has left an impression on you..
You might just find that...
a) she feels very similar and/or
b) your honesty means very much to her and the act of being upfront is something she values highly
c) she understands (even though you are only new friends) how hurt you have been in the past and she would want nothing more than to hurt you-which means that she would lay it on the line with you straight away
Remember just because you tell her your interested does not mean that you will have to spend every waking hour with her and devlope a relationship straight away. Tell her you want to get to know her... And see what happens.
My advice is Go round to her place and surprise her (maybe check with the mutual friend that she will be home hehe) and sit her down and tell her how you feel.
And if she is really the person you have the instinctive feeling about then she will give you the best hug you'll ever receive and it will be fine no matter what the outcome.
Life is not meant to be easy but it is meant to be fun...
 
It all really depends on how she'll react, and there's absolutely no way of knowing that until after you tell her...
So in the end, anything you do could end in many different ways, and you've got no chance of knowing what that end will look like, so taking anyone's reasonable advice would be a good move...
 
Hmmmmm....Mysterygirl...do i know you?? If so can you send me an email?? If not, you took the thoughts right out of my head.
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I'm not looking to jump into anything serious right now.
But i am gonna take some more time to learn about this girl, and see what i can pick up, as in signals.....although i'm very very good at reading someone, but when it comes to signals, i tend to see what i want to see, and read into things far too much. And if this girl reads this, and knows who she is, help me out here, hehehe
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As for the best frineds thing, like nezo said, i had no idea until it was too late. But tis that reason that i am not friends with her anymore, she lost not only me, but our friendship, her loss.
Thanx guys for all your info, its good to know you all care. I hope it all works out.
And if anyone else has any stories to tell, please do, amkes me feel better, hehehe
DJC
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"We are the children of the revolution"
 
djc...
i'm not gonna leave it any longer...
i luv ya man!!!
just kiddin dude...
know how u feel... been there many times b4...
r u coming to rush hour? if u r, i'm sure we'll be able to solve all the problems in the world there...
i'll call u soon dude.
[This message has been edited by muzby (edited 05 June 2001).]
 
Hehehe Thanx Muzby.
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Well i asked the friend, and i was told to "admire from a distance". I took this to mean that nothing was gonna happen between us. But i aint gonna give up on this girl. She has hit a part of my heart that makes me melt. I'll just have to sweep her off her feet, and show her what a charmer i can be, hehehe
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But all in good time, no rush. Like i was told, she isn't going anywhere, and we are still gonna be friends.
I'll still keep you guys posted, after all your advice i feel i owe you that much.
Thanx again everyone.
DJC
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"We are the children of the revolution"
 
Well being the hopeless romantic I have had my heart trampled on more than a few times.
Had quite a bad run over the last year and I was getting to the point where I just trying to ignore any feelings I had for any girls I met...
... then it happened, I met her.
Being older and arguably wiser I have always been dubious about meeting girls at parties and I never really go to a party to try and pick up. But it happened...
I was in Sydney for work a few months back and I decided to go to the Jeff Mills party (I cannot believe how much that evening sucked... thank goodness for MDMA!).
Anyway there was this girl there that I was instantly attracted to... and being that I just didn't want to go there that night and that I definately didn't want to get hurt or let down again (sound familiar?), I pretty much avoided her all night.
Then in the morning all the people I knew where leaving and I was still in party mode so somehow I ended up hanging out with her and her friends... and we just hit it off like you wouldn't believe.
I had to leave during the day to help out a friend, and I was worried I was going to miss an opportunity... but luckily she wanted to go to the screening of Jeff's film the following Monday and I was the only one that could make it with her.
I cannot believe how nervous she made me feel, no one had ever made me feel like that before (and I have been in love before trust me)... somehow on our first "date" we managed to realise that we both liked each other and we kissed... sigh.
Anyway to cut a long story short, I now live in Sydney with this girl and we are totally and completely and madly in love. I always believed in soulmates, I just never thought I would actually meet mine!
If you don't take chances in life, if you don't take risks... then you don't get the rewards. Sure it hurts when you fall on your ass (or your face as I had done many times before) but the alternative is much worse.
Go with your heart, but one word of advice... I was lucky in this case, normally my behaviour would have scared off any other girl... so take it easy and have fun and be yourself. If they can't take that then you would probably have been let down by them as a friend one day anyway.
Some of the best friends I have in the world I have been keen on at one point or another, and all of them have been nothing but amazing about it, those friendships will last!
Good luck!
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how do you know she doesnt feel the same way about you but too does not know what to do about it????
 
Awww Gnome raver, that was beaudiful. Reading your post so gives me hope!
All the best to you DJC*
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I think tell her. How do you know her friend knows what she's thinking? Maybe her friend actually has eyes on you and is telling you to stay away from her friend so she's got a chance with you!!!
I got together with my last boyfriend when, after being friends for a few weeks and getting on pretty well he said to me when we were driving (to go and pick up pot no less!!!
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) 'can I be frank and earnest with you?' and he told me he liked me.
I told him I liked him too but not really like that and could we just remain friends.
Well, we stayed friends but he continued trying and charming me and taking me out and making sure I had a fantastic time with him so the next time he was 'frank and earnest' (three months later) I couldn't help but say yes.
The fact that he turned out to be an arsehole and ended up being the one to dump me is totally beside the point.
Definitely I think go to the source. Otherwise you'll never know. If she just wants to be friends then she'll let you know. Then you can just charm her and be generally fabulous so she can't possibly say no!
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and then you won't ever be left wondering 'what if?' (just please make sure it's what you really want and don't dump her later when you decide you were more interested in the chase than the actual relationship
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)
[This message has been edited by miss apple (edited 06 June 2001).]
 
Miss Apple, i would NEVER do that, ever.
Miss Mystery, why the nickname?? I found out who Mystery Girl was, please tell me who you are.
As for the info from the "friend" its all fine. I trust her, and she is already spoken for. We are good friends and i'd just like to thank her for the info, and advice.
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I've found out some info that i cannot post on here, but lets just say, things aren't over just yet. We'll see what the future holds for me, but i too am not going to give up, and i plan on sweeping her off her feet, but all in good time, no rush.
It may seem like i am copping out, but trust me, i'm not.
Relationships are soooo fun aren't they?? hehehe
DJC
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"We are the children of the revolution"
 
Essentially relationships are an extension of our true selves.... the 'other' individual, although at times similar, will tend to show traits that we as individuals may not feel capable of. As time goes by we end up adopting these traits but tend to 'customise' them so we are comfortable.
At no point can we take a role of 'ownership' in a relationship. We are all 'free' and as most will admit, when we are told NOT to do something it is generally something we will tend to do eventually. At times for no better reason than "We can".
Currently I am living with a girl I have known for over 10 years. We were engaged for about 4 years and then broke up about 9 months ago. Due to the breakup I moved to Perth temporarily for work so I could get her out of my system. However, because of the strength of the friendship we never really lost contact and spoke on the phone at least once a week.
After moving back to Brisbane, and back in with her again, I've found it very difficult to be her 'friend' at times as she has been still seeing the guy she dated after me. However, I found that when I was meditating regularly and doing things I needed too so that I felt good about myself, as a result of the way I was feeling about life, I was able to communicate openly with her again and generally 'be there'.
When confusion reigns in your mind my friend, take the time to process your thoughts. Even if you just spend an hour writing what you're thinking. Just get those thoughts 'out'....
As far as your initial question,, 'what should you do?'
I think the general theme has been 'talk to her'... communication & honesty will at the very least build a friendship. But it HAS to be TOTAL HONESTY,,, otherwise you are presenting a 'mask' of your true self... and she apparently likes you for YOU.... give her the chance to SHOW you how to LOVE you dude,,,,
Oh well,.,. that's my opinion,,, Opinions are like Bums..... EVERYONE has one hehehehee
8-)
GOod luck my friend,.,.
Namaste
 
Geez, I go to Sydney for just a few days, and come back to find sooooo much has happened with my Canberra crew!! *LOL*
Hmmm, I have a fair idea who you're talkin bout DJC....and I WILL be callin you for details (you won't get your prezzies or your Rush Hour ticket til you fess up...hehehe)........
No point postin much on here cos I can talk to you in person.....all I can say is, good to see you happier than you've been lately................and, as for telling her - well, I'd say that's probably been done already........you told her friend, and what do females do soon as a guy tells them they like one of their friends?? They go straight to the girl and tell em......trust me, I'm female, I know these things....hehehe......so, I'd say chances are she already knows and is thinkin about it.....give it time.........
As for fessin up to her when ya chopped....I think that sux - wouldn't you rather it happen when you're both straight and not under the influence?? The drugs may make her do sumthin she'll regret later, and you'd end up hurt......ask Tars for my advice on that one...hehehe
Talk to ya soon *hugz*
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"And now the drugs forecast: there will be flurries of cocaine in most major cities, with highs where you think you're Superman and lows where you are depressed and impotent. MDMA will sweep in from the East later in the week, bringing with it the prospect of a warm and huggy weekend for all".
 
Hey *DJC stress less the nick is just a nic....no whatsoever relation to your plight....but i hope it all works well for you .....
love ME
 
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