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  • BDD Moderators: notsmokeymcpot42088

Relapsed and kind of ashamed

bladeedraingang

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 5, 2026
Messages
9
I had a small tapentadol habit for about 2 months, maybe taking 100-500mg about 4x a week. I decided I didn’t want to take anymore and swore that I would stop forever (or for a year I don’t remember). I don’t think I’ll spiral but I might just keep it to a once a month thing now, When I was taking it I was in a really bad headspace cus of high school, which lead to the habit in the first place, now that I’m in a better headspace I might just only take it with friends occasionally (I won’t buy anymore).

Sorry for the bad spelling but I’m in Xanax rn
 
It doesn't matter how many times you fall over as long as you get back up and keep walking.

I think you really need to consider your life choices if you are kicking tapentadol into touch while seemingly not considering that alprazolam (Xanax) is at least as dependence-forming. So often clients simply swich one dependence to another. If you struggle to control your use of one class of medication which produces psychoactive effects then chances are you are at more risk of becoming dependent on another.

Tapentadol is an odd one. Very few opioid enthusiasts like it but there is a definite subset who do and from my own clients I would suggest that polydrug users tend to be that subset. People who will take crack if there is no good H available. I cannot fathom that as the two couldn't be more different but I do wonder if that subset just want ANY ASC.
 
Hey my dear friend, don’t be ashamed, read my article Punishment and the art of shame, here in Bluelight.org articles
So what, you slipped up. Big deal. You can just get back up on the metaphorical bike and keep pedaling. Beating up on yourself is counter-productive.
It doesn't matter how many times you fall over as long as you get back up and keep walking.

I think you really need to consider your life choices if you are kicking tapentadol into touch while seemingly not considering that alprazolam (Xanax) is at least as dependence-forming. So often clients simply swich one dependence to another. If you struggle to control your use of one class of medication which produces psychoactive effects then chances are you are at more risk of becoming dependent on another.

Tapentadol is an odd one. Very few opioid enthusiasts like it but there is a definite subset who do and from my own clients I would suggest that polydrug users tend to be that subset. People who will take crack if there is no good H available. I cannot fathom that as the two couldn't be more different but I do wonder if that subset just want ANY ASC.
Just to inform, I hadn’t taken any for around a year and a half, but now im considering taking it as a fortnightly or monthly treat since its not suuper recreational
 
Just to inform, I hadn’t taken any for around a year and a half, but now im considering taking it as a fortnightly or monthly treat since its not suuper recreational

Yes - but as you said, you were kicking tapentadol into touch and in context I simply noted that people swap one habit for another and what we may plan and what we actually do can be totally different things.

You will do what you want. Clearly. Good luck! [IGNORE]
 
Just to inform, I hadn’t taken any for around a year and a half, but now im considering taking it as a fortnightly or monthly treat since its not suuper recreational
I have done recreational use for extended periods.
Success isn't defined by for how long you can desperately deny yourself, AKA the common 12-step doctrine. Success is defined by how long you can comfortably go without and NOT feel you're denying yourself ANYTHING.

If you can take it as a treat and not struggle with constant thoughts of using in between, you are EXACTLY where you ought to be.
 
The cycle of self-shame is what keeps you in the perpetual loop of suffering and addiction.

Reading your replies on this thread I can gauge that you got your hands pretty tight on the wheel, so no need to worry big G.


Also your Xan spelling is phenomenal and better than the 'normal' spelling of a large plurality of people on this forum.
 
The cycle of self-shame is what keeps you in the perpetual loop of suffering and addiction.

Reading your replies on this thread I can gauge that you got your hands pretty tight on the wheel, so no need to worry big G.


Also your Xan spelling is phenomenal and better than the 'normal' spelling of a large plurality of people on this forum.
Thank you it’s a special skill of mine
 
Just to inform, I hadn’t taken any for around a year and a half, but now im considering taking it as a fortnightly or monthly treat since its not suuper recreational

Tapentadol is weird. Sometimes it gives me great euphoria, and other times it’s just "meh." Snorting it is compulsive. The withdrawal is really nasty, too.
 
The cycle of self-shame is what keeps you in the perpetual loop of suffering and addiction.
Yes and no. The shame is just a contributing factor. The main thing that gets people stuck in learned helplessness is this idea constantly pushed by the main rehabs that you are
A) afflicted by some invented 'disease' that somehow MAKES you use substances, or that
B) equally bizarrely, the substances THEMSELVES can take over your mind and force you to use them.

Ironically, the so-called 'recovery' culture holds as its prime tenet the objectively wrong notion that you can never truly recover.
 
I had to use an AI (finally!) because the patent covering tapentadol (US6248737B1 - 1-phenyl-3-dimethylaminopropane compounds with a pharmacological effects) was written using software that converts Markush structures into text. Think if it like a huge tree with branches and branches in the branches and then twigs, each ending in a leaf. In short, in the form of a text it's utterly unreadable.

But the long and the short of it is that tapentadol is the bastard child of picendaol and tramadol.

Like tramadol it's both an opioid and a monoamine modulator and like picenadol (which in fact it almost perfectly overlays) it demonstrates mixed agonism, but in the worst way.

I think it important to note that while tramadol was actually two of the four stereoisomers of the same molecule, tapentadol is just one of four possible stereoisomers and I note that an unexpectedly large number of reference standard suppliers are offering a dozen or more compounds listed as 'Tapentadol Impuity A' upto whatever letter they go to.

That's the problem with stereochemistry. While it's relatively simple to resolve the trans pair (tramadol) and the cis pair (waste), IF generics manufacturers are grappling with finding more efficient synthetic routes to just one of four stereoisomers, it appears that multiple routes are currently used and each one can yield certain impurities.

Now I honestly have no idea if they are toxic, I'm merely highlighting the fact that if you use Google Patents to look at the patent you will notice that 174 other patents cite it and if you scroll through the list you will note that a score of more are clearly alternative (optimized) syntheses.

So this is not intended to scare anyone, only to suggest they might do well to avoid generics produced in nations where price-point is extremely important, oversight less that perfect.

 
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