red dress

[flipthecandy]

poem/song


you're on my mind from the time i wake up until i rest in my lonely bed
when i'm alseep dreams of you float like seagulls through my head
nobody gives me the feeling you do
and nothing can make me feel worthy of you

when you left me for heaven you put me through hell
now i'm here with a story too true to tell
she was like a diamond too beautiful to explain
bad wishes passed while fishing in the rain

when i change my tastes you criticize with your eyes
and your words burn like rockets in the sky
so hear me people when i say
lets go dig up the grave today

'cos i'd run to the sun
i'd dye the sky indigo
i'd float in a boat to where the heavens kiss the sea
for you i'd do anything
for you i would die
if i end it tonight will you still be waiting
if i end it tonight will you still be waiting
if i end it tonight will you still be waiting in that pretty red dress



comment ?

 

[Jabberwocky]

I enjoyed the visuals that your poem elicited. I was a bit confused by the last this sentence though "she was like a diamond too beautiful to explain
bad wishes passed while fishing in the rain" It feels as though you could dedicate a whole stanza on fleshing this out or perhaps remove it because it confuses a bit the ideas of the song/poem. I found it interesting that you used the metaphor of the seagull especially as you mentioned heaven. By using this metaphor as well as the notion that you would die for this person makes you seem as though you are a martyr.

 

[Baker]

I connected quite deeply with this poem as I just went through the most significant break up to date within the last month... and yeah, it really hurts, when you'd give anything to see them give you that special smile again that made you feel like you were above the earth only to end up right beneath it once it's over.