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Reason I relapsed was....

1

123 receptor key

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 21, 2014
Messages
30
Found out that my girlfriend got fired from her job :(

It was a city job and included benefits. She was finishing her probationary 6 month period. Only 2 weeks left and they fired her. Supposedly they afford you up to 16 missed days during this period and she hadn't exceeded that. They said her punctuality needed to be improved. I hate the nazi manager in charge of that dept.

I relapsed to feel good again. I always have used to numb emotional pain.

What reasons caused you to relapse?
 
simply put, im not done yet. whether or not i ever get sober again, i really dont know. may be its the way i was taught in aa, may be im old school, may be im just a dik, but i'm of the belief that any reason we can come up with is just an excuse to get loaded again.
 
chronic pain in spine, started with oxy script then made a decision to use heroin as i couldn't deal with all the tylenol in prescription drugs. my body was one big hive. at the time i thought it was a good idea. my best thinking. lol
i figured i'm already using opiates, so why not go all out start heroin and get it over with ha!
underneath the pain was my emotional inability to deal with a situation in my home with a roommate that kept putting my homelife in danger, and my cat Smoky
 
Quote Originally Posted by THECATINTHEHAT View Post
People relapse because they want to use imo, it's that simple.

Quote Originally Posted by THCisgod View Post
this ^^^ we'll find any reason to blame it on if we want to use

neversickanymore said:
Yep +1, almost everything else is just confabulation.
Click to expand...

Its really crazy the amount of deniable information that we feed ourselves. Some do the same thing arguing that they are not really drug addicts,alcoholics,ect! being honest with yourself is the #1 way to get the help you truly need! now that i have accepted this i can work on this, "but i'm going to get high one more time" just remember its always one more time and it only takes one incident to destroy your life.
 
I thought I was missing out on "such a great time" being clean. In reality that was the outer shell carefully conceiling misery, slavery, and hopelessness on the inside.
 
You got it Get2=D

confabulation
In psychology, confabulation (verb: confabulate) is a memory disturbance, defined as the production of fabricated, distorted or misinterpreted memories about oneself or the world, without the conscious intention to deceive.
Click to expand...
https://www.google.com/webhp?source...=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=confabulation+definition

Addictions main power is an illusion, or rather a delusion. Once you see through it you don't go back. Its still there, but hold onto this and literally you are all good:!<3~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not only that expand it and you will be astonished at where you end up8o
 
neversickanymore said:
Yep +1, almost everything else is just confabulation.
Click to expand...
Sorry OP but I do agree with NSA, THECATINTHEHAT and THCisgod. Yesterday I was feeling so much stress again and remembered that I did purchase a pack of smokes before. I opened my drawer at work and I was going to light up a stick but told myself "HEY! SRSLY, YOU ALREADY QUIT AND NOW YOU ARE GOING BACK AGAIN, WELL IF YOU ARE GOING TO PROMOTE HEALTHY LIVING, MIGHT AS WELL STOP ALL YOUR EXERCISE OR WHATEVER WORKOUT SINCE YOU WILL BE STARTING FROM SCRATCH AGAIN." Thank God I didnt!! Now I am feeling better and know that I can say NO to the powerful urges.
 
To expand on what I have said, I'm in no way questioning the validity of the points the OP is talking about as real issues in their life that made them want to use, but imo you have to have the base of wanting to use there for these issues to convert themselves in to using.

On many an occasion I've found myself walking to score 'against my will' when I'm telling myself I don't want to use. There have been occasions where I've been missing people, where I've been lonely, where I've been in pain, where I've been angry with myself, where I've felt like I was missing out......but all of those things could have been solved more effectively through other means. I could have talked to someone, I could have asked for help, I could have gone out and done some exercise, I could have engaged in a positive activity, I could have taken myself out of the tempting situation....but I didn't I went and relapsed. For me, it's always been straight to the street corner, do not pass go, do not collect £200 etc and imo that was because deep down I wanted to use. If I didn't I would have explored one of those other avenues.

Maybe you could attribute this to not understanding what I needed to do to solve the way I was feeling, or being too scared to do them....but again if there wasn't that base of wanting to use there than I wouldn't have done. If I really and honestly didn't want to use I would have found a way to fix myself in another manner.
 
A divided mind is a mind in conflict for me, pain… suffering… a re-action of sorts to myself. When I am using… it's like I'm 2 people, 'me' and this other, strange friend … guiding the way to destruction. My conscious isn't at rest, peace in this space…. the light is off, and the struggle continues anyway.

Every relapse turned from the person I was getting to know 'plus' one other, a stranger … yet so familiar, again. Taken by a force of another kind with total loss of agency, and/or any genuine truth in life. Like watching myself in a movie going through a role. It's like I knew it was going to start again and I used anyway. Right now it's on hold, pause … and I hope it doesn't begin to play out in the future.

I'm doing everything to take care of myself today. I don't want to use. Last time I kept a stash around, I knew it was inevitable. It doesn't have to be again.
 
Yeah keeping a stash means you're going to use again, you've got to get rid of it and preferably get rid of any way to get it too... not always possible to do that, but it's ALWAYS possible to throw away your stash.
 
Xorkoth said:
Yeah keeping a stash means you're going to use again, you've got to get rid of it and preferably get rid of any way to get it too... not always possible to do that, but it's ALWAYS possible to throw away your stash.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I got rid of it this time. That's how I relapsed last time after 30 days.. But, that's okay.... I just need to remind myself not to stock anything for future use. Not planning on it, but the mind can be deceitful with time. Right now someone couldn't pay me to put an opiate in my system. I have too much to live for... If I take care of myself and do the work it won't happen hopefully. :)
 
I suppose that ultimately the desire to be intoxicated was the reason of my relapse. If you like a drug too much and realize that your addicted its too easy blaming external events. My key pad is acting funky. Out. Peace
 
the first time was cuz a girl i loved had a new boyfriend and it killed me
 
Cause I realized I had been sober long enough for my tolerance to go down. not that I was waiting for that day, it just suddenly occurred to me and it was pill popping all over again after that
 
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