Its perhaps Tuesday now, a few days before I will be blindly racing through a very real darkness at a very real speed. Sara and I are sitting on my couch watching my favorite movie 'A Scanner Darkly'. She is grabbing a beer from the fridge and I ask her to grab me one as well. I never drink but I've started to occasionally lately and the combination of sedative-hypnotics and booze make me very drunk very fast. This of course is offset by the fact that we're both snorting line after line of amphetamine off the compact we pass back and forth with knowing glances. We talk about everything and nothing and I love every second of it. We talk about how funny and yet how very serious the 'ritual' of doing certain drugs are. You can get addicted to the ritual itself. Preparing the drug, cutting it, selecting what your going to use to administer it..a plastic straw, a rolled up bill, a glass pipe, a needle, an endless assortment of variations and techniques for each one. The art of poisoning yourself slowly. We talk late into the night and the night is shifting again to a few days before...
Its suddenly 2:17 AM Sunday Morning and I'm sitting in my car shivering slightly and playing with my i-pod as I glance every now and then at Stacy and Val standing in front of the car awkwardly groping and kissing each other in a drunken haze. Sara departed a half hour ago after we left the club and my phone lights up with a text message from her..
Sara: What up. It's Sara. Are all of you heading back to your place?
K: There in front of my car kissing and Val's trying to get her back to my place. I'm annoyed at this point.
Sara: Get those bitches to fuck!! Oh...And take pics!
K: Fuck! I know. I just wanna sleep.
Sara: And Stacy isn't down?!?! Wtf is wrong with her?
K: IDK, there just pg-13 kissing like their 12yr olds. I am bored and very tired at this point. What a waist of lesbianism.
Sara: Awe. Drop them off at Stacy's.
K: I'm ready to drop both their drunk asses off a cliff.
Sara: LMAO!
K: I hope you can sleep tonight. I have K-pins (Clonazepam) but what are you going to do?
Sara: Going to read. Sure I'll fall asleep eventually! I had fun with u! Glad we met!
K: Ha ha. eventually is probably more like tonight I'm going to read all of wikipedia and I'm going to drink 8 bottles of water and then I'm going to mop the kitchen floor and oh I should bake something!
Sara. HA HA!
K: I had fun with you too!
Time rewinds again and I'm sipping a coke as I glance over at Sara sitting next to me. We both smile. Her eyes are solid black. My heart is beating so fast and it feels tropical in here and I'm paranoid and happy and anxious and nauseous and fascinated with the girl next to me all at the same time. I tell her I can get Stacy and Val to kiss without actually telling them too. She smiles and tells me to do it.
A few minutes earlier and I'm sitting facing Val and Stacy sitting on bar stools kissing lightly. I look back at Sara and smile knowing I just demonstrated my well conditioned ability to manipulate people into doing things. Sara shakes her head in disbelief with a wide smile displaying amazement across her gorgeous face that makes me stare at her a few seconds too long before I catch myself and turn back to the other girls who seconds ago I gently encouraged to kiss by telling them I wanted photos and they had to get closer together. Then telling them it would be cute if Stacy were embracing Val. Then telling them how cute they look together. They giggle and I snap a few pics and act like somethings wrong.
"The flash washed the photo out. Lets try this again"
I motion them even closer together explaining because of the wall I can back up so they need to get even closer. I encourage them until Stacy is practically sitting on Valentina's lap.
"You guys look as happy as a couple of date-rape victims." They start laughing at my comment and it pulls them closer. "Common Stacy, look at that hot chick your holding. You guys are so fucking sexy." I act like I'm about the take another pic and they look at each other and kiss suddenly and I snap a pic with my cell phone and angle it so Sara sitting behind me can see the shot.
And now its earlier and Sara is pushing her weight against the bathroom door which looks a piece of plywood hanging on to the wall for dear life and painted a horrible shade of green which looks black in this dim light. Shes bent over snorting a line off my compact as I balance it in my palm. Someone wants to use the bathroom and we just look at each other with matching blank expressions and then start laughing quietly.
K: "Tell that cunt to fuck off"
Sara: "she pushing on the door, are you done?"
K: "almost"
I cut a big line out of the powder and inhale hard through the rolled up bill I pulled from my pocket. I can feel the junk slam into the back of my nasal cavity and in my mind I can almost see it as I imagine the powder hitting and rebounding off a pinkish surface like a shotgun blast. Its so much that my throat dries out in a matter of seconds and I start coughing and can't catch my breath.
K: "FUCK!"
Sara: "You OK?"
K: "yeah, lets get out of her before that fat bitch knocks the door down. Fucking cunt."
Its suddenly 2:17 AM Sunday Morning and I'm sitting in my car shivering slightly and playing with my i-pod as I glance every now and then at Stacy and Val standing in front of the car awkwardly groping and kissing each other in a drunken haze. Sara departed a half hour ago after we left the club and my phone lights up with a text message from her..
Sara: What up. It's Sara. Are all of you heading back to your place?
K: There in front of my car kissing and Val's trying to get her back to my place. I'm annoyed at this point.
Sara: Get those bitches to fuck!! Oh...And take pics!
K: Fuck! I know. I just wanna sleep.
Sara: And Stacy isn't down?!?! Wtf is wrong with her?
K: IDK, there just pg-13 kissing like their 12yr olds. I am bored and very tired at this point. What a waist of lesbianism.
Sara: Awe. Drop them off at Stacy's.
K: I'm ready to drop both their drunk asses off a cliff.
Sara: LMAO!
K: I hope you can sleep tonight. I have K-pins (Clonazepam) but what are you going to do?
Sara: Going to read. Sure I'll fall asleep eventually! I had fun with u! Glad we met!
K: Ha ha. eventually is probably more like tonight I'm going to read all of wikipedia and I'm going to drink 8 bottles of water and then I'm going to mop the kitchen floor and oh I should bake something!
Sara. HA HA!
K: I had fun with you too!
Time rewinds again and I'm sipping a coke as I glance over at Sara sitting next to me. We both smile. Her eyes are solid black. My heart is beating so fast and it feels tropical in here and I'm paranoid and happy and anxious and nauseous and fascinated with the girl next to me all at the same time. I tell her I can get Stacy and Val to kiss without actually telling them too. She smiles and tells me to do it.
A few minutes earlier and I'm sitting facing Val and Stacy sitting on bar stools kissing lightly. I look back at Sara and smile knowing I just demonstrated my well conditioned ability to manipulate people into doing things. Sara shakes her head in disbelief with a wide smile displaying amazement across her gorgeous face that makes me stare at her a few seconds too long before I catch myself and turn back to the other girls who seconds ago I gently encouraged to kiss by telling them I wanted photos and they had to get closer together. Then telling them it would be cute if Stacy were embracing Val. Then telling them how cute they look together. They giggle and I snap a few pics and act like somethings wrong.
"The flash washed the photo out. Lets try this again"
I motion them even closer together explaining because of the wall I can back up so they need to get even closer. I encourage them until Stacy is practically sitting on Valentina's lap.
"You guys look as happy as a couple of date-rape victims." They start laughing at my comment and it pulls them closer. "Common Stacy, look at that hot chick your holding. You guys are so fucking sexy." I act like I'm about the take another pic and they look at each other and kiss suddenly and I snap a pic with my cell phone and angle it so Sara sitting behind me can see the shot.
And now its earlier and Sara is pushing her weight against the bathroom door which looks a piece of plywood hanging on to the wall for dear life and painted a horrible shade of green which looks black in this dim light. Shes bent over snorting a line off my compact as I balance it in my palm. Someone wants to use the bathroom and we just look at each other with matching blank expressions and then start laughing quietly.
K: "Tell that cunt to fuck off"
Sara: "she pushing on the door, are you done?"
K: "almost"
I cut a big line out of the powder and inhale hard through the rolled up bill I pulled from my pocket. I can feel the junk slam into the back of my nasal cavity and in my mind I can almost see it as I imagine the powder hitting and rebounding off a pinkish surface like a shotgun blast. Its so much that my throat dries out in a matter of seconds and I start coughing and can't catch my breath.
K: "FUCK!"
Sara: "You OK?"
K: "yeah, lets get out of her before that fat bitch knocks the door down. Fucking cunt."