Really feel lost can use advice

[totach]

Ok well here it goes first time posting in SLR.

So basically my girl of over 4 years left me a couple months ago and i am broken.

I know it is all my fault as i was never able to kick dope while i was with her but i still somehow thought she would stay with me (stupid me)

I was never bad to her while we were together but i guess i did irpariable damage while we were together.

She actually broke up with me right when i got clean which really fucked me up cuz i couldnt understand y she would break up with me right when i was about to get out of a court ordered 1 year inpatient rehab.

We wound up getting back together after i got out but the relationship just never felt the same to me something always just felt off eventho i think im a idiot and it was just me not her.

So a few months after that one day i was really high and she just had enough and broke up with me and that was it.

Since that day we have bin broken up and she has now found a new bf that she has bin with for a few months which makes me feel like she left me for him cuz of the timing.

If that is what she did i do not blame her i mean she is a yound beautiful amazing woman and i never could understand how she can be with a junkie like me it kinda made me feel like she nuts.,

Point os this post is i am so broken i duno what to do with myself. At first i just did alot of dope and tried not to think about it but eventually the dope just started making me feel more depressed about the whole situation since that was the cause of all my hardships.

So i have no clue how to get over someone since this is my first relationship where someone has broken up with me and i am 27 now soon to be 28.

Any advice would be really helpful and not the simple things like go out and find a new girl cuz that is not what i am interested in right now i was banging a porn star 2 weeks after we broke up and she just didnt do it for me i kept thinking bout how my ex is so much hotter and evreything but i dont even think that is the truth in real life my ex was not that hot.

To me tho i would pick her over any victoria secret model fuck man im so broken it hurts and im trying to stay clean which makes it so much harder.

I even did ibogaine but i feel like my head was so fucked up stuck on my ex that she is all i thought about thru the process and couldnt really focus on anything else.

 

[Ksa]

Ok well here it goes first time posting in SLR.

So basically my girl of over 4 years left me a couple months ago and i am broken.

I know it is all my fault as i was never able to kick dope while i was with her but i still somehow thought she would stay with me (stupid me)

I was never bad to her while we were together but i guess i did irpariable damage while we were together.

She actually broke up with me right when i got clean which really fucked me up cuz i couldnt understand y she would break up with me right when i was about to get out of a court ordered 1 year inpatient rehab.

We wound up getting back together after i got out but the relationship just never felt the same to me something always just felt off eventho i think im a idiot and it was just me not her.

So a few months after that one day i was really high and she just had enough and broke up with me and that was it.

Since that day we have bin broken up and she has now found a new bf that she has bin with for a few months which makes me feel like she left me for him cuz of the timing.

If that is what she did i do not blame her i mean she is a yound beautiful amazing woman and i never could understand how she can be with a junkie like me it kinda made me feel like she nuts.,

Point os this post is i am so broken i duno what to do with myself. At first i just did alot of dope and tried not to think about it but eventually the dope just started making me feel more depressed about the whole situation since that was the cause of all my hardships.

So i have no clue how to get over someone since this is my first relationship where someone has broken up with me and i am 27 now soon to be 28.

Any advice would be really helpful and not the simple things like go out and find a new girl cuz that is not what i am interested in right now i was banging a porn star 2 weeks after we broke up and she just didnt do it for me i kept thinking bout how my ex is so much hotter and evreything but i dont even think that is the truth in real life my ex was not that hot.

To me tho i would pick her over any victoria secret model fuck man im so broken it hurts and im trying to stay clean which makes it so much harder.

I even did ibogaine but i feel like my head was so fucked up stuck on my ex that she is all i thought about thru the process and couldnt really focus on anything else.

My God. You got the chronology wrong, I'll attempt a reconstitution of events:

1) You go to rehab, she finds someone else.
2) Before coming out of rehab, she already felt strongly for the other person and broke up with you.
3) An event x occurred where she temporary lost faith in the other relationship and she reconsidered being with you.
4) The problem solved itself without you influencing it in any way and she felt strongly for the other person again.
5) She entered "seek and destroy" mode where she maniacally focused on finding a reason to break up with you.
6) You gave her the reason. The fact that you got high is irrelevant, might as well have left the dishes unwashed and it would have been reason enough.
7) She broke up with you and went with other dude.

The cause of the hardships wasn't the dope, it was running after 2 rabbits. You have to choose, prior to entering the relationship. You are wrong. The fact that you went to rehab is irrelevant, if you went to Afghanistan to serve your country, the outcome would have been identical. You broke up with her when you left her to go to rehab. It doesn't matter.

Why do you feel so guilty? What have you done? I don't get it. Did you mistreat her, beat her up, disrespect her, did you commit murder, did you steal, did you rob, did you cheat on her? Get real.

 

[Noodle]

I agree that she probably just moved on, for whatever reason.

Don't confuse your guilt at having been addicted with her decision to try another guy on for size.

Of course I am only working with what you have presented here.

Best course of action at this point is to keep yourself busy socializing with others that still value your company: friends, family

There are literally millions of fish in the sea.

 

[totach]

I blame myself cuz i had plenty of chances to get clean and im sure if i would have then we would still be together.

I higfhly doubt when she broke up with me the first time it was for someone else cuz the reason was a few months before i got out she went with her girls to europ efor 3 months and broke up with me when she came back as she realised she wants to travel and c the world lol

So it didnt take long to get back together after that i got out two weeks later and we were right back.

This other guy doesnt come into the picture till months later and i was fucking up consistently and i guess she happened to meet a nice guy a "normal" guy that was attractive to her and she moved on.

I have finally come to amends with the fact that i will never be with her again but its so hard to let that thought settle in.

I think about her all day i can be sitting down to eat a meal think about her and all of a sudden loose my appetite or like when i was at my friendes house the other day she calls my friend and my heart started racing i feel so uncomfertable if i even hear her name on tv its ridiculous.

I feel like im always gonna feel this way like "the girl that got away" type thing.

I just feel like i can never have closure cuz it was all my fault if only i fucking stayed clean i think we woulda bin happy.

 

[Noodle]

don't beat yourself up

it isn't worth it

I haven't been addicted to opiods, but I understand it affects your ability to feel right without....

I know your heart pain.

Being young, there are so many years and people to meet ahead of you! If you choose to engage the world directly and in a positive mindset.

 

[DCypha]

It will work out mate.

Maybe start doing more stuff for yourself. Like going to the gym or getting clean. You might as well use all the negative energy, the hurt, the pain inside you to motivate yourself to self improve. I have been and still am to an extent a meth addict. But I don't dwell on it. I'll be fine for months to years without it, then for no particular reason I go and have a 3 month bender. Its just me I guess.

I am 36 and I've been alone for over 10 years. Hell yes it feels lonely but I have trained myself to be alone and happy. I don't really have too many friends as most of my friends are either married or have moved away for work. I used to hate being alone but now I work on achieving my goals and finishing projects that I want to complete. I really don't think I would have done so much for myself If I wasn't single. If someone special comes along the that would be great but I have no problem being by myself.

Be brave. : )

Sending some positive vibes your way. : )

 

[Serene Imp]

Instead of trying to explain why shit happens I'm going to give you the advice given to me in a hard time. Do you. I know that things are shitty right now and that you're hurting so bad inside and you think that this pain will never ebb but it will. And a good way to get the ball rolling is to straighten yourself out. I've never been addicted to heroin so I don't know the pull it has on you but if you overcame it once I know you can stick it out to do again. I don't know why you stopped in the first place whether you had to, or you did it for her but the only way you can get clean and stay clean is if you do it for yourself and no one else. I may not have done heroin but I did have a problem with cocaine, and mostly meth. If you do it for anyone other than yourself you're leaving a slippery slop behind you just waiting. Start taking the little steps to get your life together. I'm not saying you'll forget about her but as things move on you'll find yourself thinking of her less. The future is never written in stone so why not start making the most of it. Try building some self-confidence, I know it seems damn near impossible trust me I loathed myself and felt so worthless, but little steps and little actions will help you see your true potential. I hope things start to look up for you and that you see the great things you can do. Good luck mate

 

[RaspberryJam]

It's time to change your life.

Take all of that pain and the feelings of being sorry for yourself; take that energy and use it to get clean. Get off the dope and clean yourself up, get your act together and that will help tremendously. If there's one thing you have to do after every significant relationship ends, it's figure out why it happened and how you can better yourself so that it never happens again - do things differently, so that the next girl you fall in love with (there will be more, we all know that, even though right now it seems pointless) will stay with you and you'll see yourself as someone who deserves happiness.

she is a yound beautiful amazing woman and i never could understand how she can be with a junkie like me it kinda made me feel like she nuts.,

You make it sound like she pitied you and stayed with you despite you being a junkie. That's no way to have a relationship! Clearly, she must've loved you, and when you love someone it typically doesn't matter what problems they have in their lives, you just want to be around them and to make them laugh and be happy together.

What do you want to do? You've already said that doing tons of dope hasn't helped you. I recommend going to some meetings and getting some support. Methadone and buprenorphine can really help, and you can have people in place who'll help you through all of this.

What do you do for a living, and is it something you enjoy? Just, you don't seem like you have much confidence and I'm thinking about how you could change that. Relationships do come and go, but love hurts forever. It fades over time and becomes almost unnoticeable, but then you see them again or bump into one another at a party and it's back - fresh and uncomfortable. You'll feel better over time, but it'll probably be a long time - several months to get over a four-year relationship.

 

[ATLL765]

You need to take care of yourself first. To be honest, some of it is your fault, but that's always the case. It's not all your fault and it's not because there's something wrong with you. If you feel like your addiction was a major factor, and it probably was if your girl wasn't into drugs, then you need to work on that before you find another meaningful relationship. It's going to be hard to find someone to love you when you're more in love with a drug than the girl, right?

Once you find peace with yourself, finding another person who wants to spend time with and be by your side will be a lot easier. No one wants to be with a person who is so down on themselves that it makes them depressed as well...or at least that's what people tell me is the reason I'm alone haha.

 

[Azure Cloud]

I have finally come to amends with the fact that i will never be with her again but its so hard to let that thought settle in.

I feel like im always gonna feel this way like "the girl that got away" type thing.

I just feel like i can never have closure cuz it was all my fault if only i fucking stayed clean i think we woulda bin happy.

You can have closure. Actually you will have closure because you know you'll never be with her again.

I say morn the end of the relationship like you would the sudden death of a loved one. Don't hide from what you are feeling but try to make something positive out. Motivation to better yourself.

Don't get hung up with the bits you don't understand. If a loved one died suddenly and mysteriously, you may never know what exactly happened and you just accept it. Replaying in your thoughts what you could of done to prevent it and what exactly happened is a futile exercise after a point. Eventually you accept somethings you'll never know and other things you had no control over.

Remember, we endure now for the happiness that we will surely find in the future.