Thanks for the heads up on the last part but right now I'm feeling like if I don't get some support I'll just fall apart and never get up again if you know what I mean ? ..
I've worked a few times but under the table and the others never longer than 3 months bc I can't do it mentally sadly ..(was forced to drop out of high school bc Id always be late or not show up and they called my probation officer but it was my anxiety and insomnia ) .
I may sound pathetic but idk the reasons I was turned down but I wasn't shocked since they seem to turn ppl down a lot and mental illness is so hard to tell as I'm sure we are all aware , where as physical is right there you go you see it its proof done , my parents have all the paper work I have stuff from when I was a child at Yale to now (26) and I can't talk on phones in my house or do anything really (it's sort of in my head type thing) ... But my parents handled most of last time and my therapist at the time helped me threw the rest and said I would probably get denied the first time a lot of people do but reapply .
Didn't try a lawyer ..
here this is how I live ..I wake up avoid everyone , go no where except bathroom /stay in my room (bathrooms the room b4 mine), I stock snacks and water in my room so I don't have to go out to the kitchen when family is there...I don't want to go anywhere , I dont/can't do phone calls and most days I probably don't hear my own voice easily ..no loud noises besides TV to block any other sounds like breathing lol from "escaping" my room and then go to sleep ..
i do do manage a workout in my room and my gf i can talk to if no ones home and I feel good , she comes over we hang out here ..
i feel crippled ...
This is very close to my life. Except I also have major physical issues as opposed to just mental ones, the mental ones are brought on by physical ones. I have s curve dextroscoliosis & a weight lifting injury to boot so my back is fucked. I have had major GI issues since I was 4 or 5, diagnosed as IBS as they can't figure it out after multiple colonoscopies & endoscopy, hell I was awake for one gagging on the tube down my throat while watching them biopsy my colon & the blood run down it on a monitor. Oh & I also did not attend part of high school though it was due to health issues & a doctors excuse ordering me not to.
I used to shit between 20-40 times a day before I was put on narcotics after a laproscopic surgery for a hernia I didn't have & to investigate the fluid in my abdomen that they still don't know why it's there. I'm a male btw, so that's not normal. Also I have 10/10 pain in my lower left quadrant, that never ends. Oh & I also have Empty Sella Syndrome to boot (a disorder of the pituitary gland that fucks all your hormones to shit) hell I have less Testosterone than a female. Again something that was never properly treated.
Up until a recent "suicide attempt" I was on Soma x3 daily, Klonopin 2mg x3 daily, Morphine ER 60mg x3 Daily, Hydromorphone 8mg x6 daily, Valium 5mg x3 daily, as well as some other meds & of course bowel meds, laxatives, stool softeners etc. to deal with the constipation. Did I mention I can't use a bathroom outside my house & people can't be nearby? Also up until the Hospital stay I'd had to use a daily enema just to go, sometimes twice a day & sometimes still wouldn't go. Also I have to sit to piss, have a stricture I just found out about & have major difficulty urinating as well as a enlarged bladder (cathed at 1.9L) while in hospital.
With all that plus mental issues I was denied disability so don't be surprised, I also live East Coast, USA, except PA. Doctor has filed paperwork that I'm homebound & unable to walk for longer than 5-10 minutes at a time with assistance, can't sit for more than 10 minutes & that's with a cushion, can't lay down either without extra pain.
If you read some of the threads in TDS & Mental Health you can get an idea of what happened in my life lately but basically I had the option to end it easily, just go to sleep & call it good. After 25+ years of this I was ready to go, however a "wonderful" family member who helped prep what I needed, decided to change there mind after stating for all those years that I've suffered so much & that they would let me go if I ever chose to & that if they were me they would kill themselves in a week.
Well that family member helped make the cocktail, then destroyed it, & instead had me take some tylenol (low enough dose to be countered by NAC), prednisone, dog barb's, anti-biotics, etc. along with a suicide note to get into hospital so that I'd see specialists quicker & find root of my problems. I know enough about pharmacology & medicine & the like to make sure I wouldn't suffer any permanent damage, essentially a cry for help or whatever. As my family member so helpfully put it.
Oh & I had pneumonia to boot.
Well boy where they wrong. I was basically tortured in the hospital, they delayed all my appts. with specialists, did not look for root causes of any physical problems. Instead they put me in a worse state than I started out in.
In 1 day, removed the Valium x3, Somax3, 8mg Dilaudid x6, cut the Morphine to twice daily (which leaves me sick 8-12 hours a day as my metabolism is insanely fast), & proceeded to say my pain was well controlled, & that I chose not to urinate because I wanted to be catheterized every 6 hours. Which btw, isn't enough to fully drain my bladder so I had to pee 24/7 for the month & a half I was trapped there.
Oh & to top it off, they altered my Bowel Regiment medications to where I could only go once every 3-5 days, though hospital policy was a movement every day. I was reduced to begging for suppositories, medications & even more embarrassing for a nurse to manually lube up, shove a finger up there & manually remove some to reduce the pain.
Thinking of a law suit, but that's a whole nother can of worms, so I digress.
As we're talking about my issues as they relate to yours, so as to better help you.
Also they first gave me Trazadone without my knowledge (causes me to hallucinate), once I found out I denied it. They then put me on Remeron knowing I don't tolerate TCA's well. Well Remeron (Mirtazapine) is a TeCA & a NaSSA, but regardless it has tons of negative effects on me as well as negative side effects. Hopefully come Monday when I see my physician I can get this all rectified. Regardless things could always be worse.
File an appeal with a lawyer & if you can't do it, have your parents do it. As I was always in your spot which I explain somewhere in my post & other posts. But trust me things can improve, get a lawyer file an appeal & go for it. At least you don't have all the horrible physical issues to bring you down as well. That & just be happy you don't have the state / services all over your ass as well. Though in your case some services might be helpful, ask around I'm sure there are knowledgeable Bluelighters or if your capable have your parents call a social worker from your insurance or the state to help, just don't get caught in the system. It's scary but can be helpful, you just have to know how to work it, so find someone that knows how to work it & speak or message with them.
They tried to put me in Physical Therapy but apparently I was to healthy for that, they tried to put me in psych ward but apparently I pissed off the psych doc enough that I was disqualified from that (I hated the guy he wouldn't let me finish a sentence so that was good). Then they discharged me home with supervision knowing my family would be out of town for 2 weeks & I would have no one, besides visits from a Nurse & Physical Therapy a few days a week for like 30 minutes at a time.
Both of which discharged me after 2 visits as the nurse said they couldn't do anything for me besides check my vitals & the PT said that I was smart enough to understand the exercises & that anything more was to risky for my health considering my health issues. The only beneficial thing at hospital is a I met the neurology team I'll see eventually who said, I need to get rich if I ever want to have any quality of life. Also that I have nerve damage & pinched nerves, all without doing any testing that I know of.
However, my Hospital report is 74 pages, and I have over 1070 test results in my online medical record, so at least I know I don't have any diseases, as they tested everything from heavy metals, to HIV, to TB, to rare fungal infections & viruses around the world, hell I got to spend some time in a fun Isolation Unit in the ICU.
Now I was also denied disability on first try.
However, I have hired a lawyer Binder & Binder actually & have a appeal hearing at the end of April where I may actually win the case. My recommendation is get a lawyer & follow there advice.
As I've been in same spot due to anxiety issues & controlling parent, coupled with abuse (that parent died at a relatively young age for me thankfully), so I feel for you.
Regardless I digress as this post is getting very long & I am really starting to ramble on, tends to happen with this wonderful new medication setup & the fact that I'm also withdrawing.
Basically all I can say is get a lawyer & don't get caught in the system or they will control you. AKA tell you what you can & can't do, force you to take meds or not take meds by court order if necessary. So get a lawyer & if you can't handle it let your parents do what needs to be done. I luckily came out of the Hospital very angry, aggressive & assertive, when I went in passive, shy & scared of the world. After the torture I received & the system I'm now stuck in I am much more pro-active & refuse to let these bastards ruin what little quality of life I have.
That's a somewhat basic overview of where I'm at, more information can be found in my threads in TDS & Mental Health 2 forums I never posted in before recently, hell hadn't been on BL in years till this event. But I felt I had to get on here to get advice & to help those who might be in similar situations.
So I wish you the best & feel free to PM me if you have any questions, or if anyone else has any advice, recommendations, information or anything else they think might help they should PM me as well, especially if they have read my other posts.
Thanks to anyone that can & does help & I hope my post helps the op to feel a bit better about there situation & helps them to improve it. Speaking of which your more than welcome to PM me Joker. I wish you the best.
I know I spoke a lot about myself & my situation but I did so to give you a comparison of where you could be at & hopefully to help you in your situation. If there's anything I can do to help please let me know. I apologize for such a long post but I have a tendency to go on when withdrawing & also when fucked up by the medications they have me on & the lack of effectiveness of my previous medications thanks to the idiots at the hospital, but I'll leave it at that.
