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Ready to Kill Myself

jaggedpills

jaggedpills

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 25, 2010
Messages
188
Location
Canton, OH
I'm sitting here trying to think of reasons not to... I've already been cutting tonight. Havent used at all in the last 2 days & its driving me crazy. On break from school, so there is nothing to keep me busy. I was ready to cut too deep, then I thought about how I'm meeting my coke connect tomorrow & that stopped me. I'm fucking miserable >_<
 
This feeling you have will pass. It is not worth it. I know how you are feeling but do not

Do not give in. It will get easier.
 
I'm just taking up space. Fucking useless. Not worthy of the life I was given: if I was, I wouldnt have fucked it up so badly.
 
Everyone fucks up.
Everyone makes mistakes.
You have to learn from them..........Don't let whatever mistakes you've made take your life.
Change the things you don't like.
Please go to the ER or call one of the hotlines OD gave.
Life changes in an instant- You never know what tomorrow will bring. <3
 
Instead of offing yourself... why not a complete Life reversal? Im talking a complete LIFE CHANGE. WHY NOT GIVE IT A GO AND COMPLETELY MOVE AWAY AND START SOMEHTING NEW? might as well give something abosultely crazy a chance before you have no chance to do anything at all.

Start with a out-of-character move; Get Hammered and go holler at some ladies(guys?) and go find a weird crew to get really weird with. Hell, WHY NOT? its better than NOTHING
 
Jagged....what's troubling you so much? Life is that much better when we get through the hardships....

It helps to talk about it. What's been going on?
 
I cant move away & start over, I would if i could.

My 10 year old brother is getting into drugs because of me, my mom is cheating on my dad, i have no friends, hardly anyone knows im using again, my parents found me passed out on the floor about a year ago (i tried to overdose) & they sent me to like 3 diff shrinks, none of which have helped me... i cut myself at least once a week & no one knows. everyone thinks im this happy girl, but im not. i tried to talk to my dad about it today, but he didnt understand, then i quit trying to explain how i feel. i dont want him to be disappointed in me. my addiction is the only thing that is helping me; it numbs the pain.
 
Dont get brought down my outside sources. You can save your self. You just need to be re-birthed. Theres so much positivity in life, dont get blinded by the negative.

Ask for help from the higher power if you feel helpless. Get into rehab, and start re-building your self.

Theres things called levels of consciousness, when your thinking of suicide your at the lowest level. Your inward thinking is completely negative and your self image is terrible. There are ways of highering your level of consciousness naturally.

Make someone smile by doing a kind act. Get on a real to real level with your parents, there only there to help you. Tell them your thoughts how to help your self.

Sorry for the rant but ive been in your position man and there so much more to life then what you see.
 
Hey Jagged I feel your pain; I just turned 18 in december so up until recently i couldn't really move away and start over either. Someday though, Someday you will be able to do whatever you want. Doesn't Living in the mountains all by yourself with a boat load of drugs sound awesome? Or Even just packing a bag and hitchiking across america? WHATEVER THE UCK YOU WHAT! HELL ill join you!
Your parents will never understand you and thats life.... but that deosn't mean you can't change yours



ps. My dad's cheating on my mom and i know it, but she doesn't. fuck it
 
I want to just leave everyone that knows me & reinvent myself, but I'm too scared that life will be harder if I do that. If I can't handle it now, I can I deal with picking up & moving. With no money to somewhere where I don't know anyone :/
 
Hey Jagged feel free to PM me or email me or whatevs. :) Maybe by the time you're 18 you'll have the cash to be your own person! Hell, shit. I'm unexpectantly moving to somewhere in california soon and just going for it and hoping for the best.
 
I just need to find some way to cope with life day by day before I worry too much about the future.. I'm not there yet, who knows if I'll even make it
 
you'll make it; i can tell :) . In the future we'll (both) be able to legally drink, party and basically live. Nowadays, everytime i drink i get arrested (a lot of the time) and my parent hate the shit outta me. I am going to move to california soon and my life MIGHT get bearable. keep your head up, your day will come.
 
Jagged...feel free to PM me, as well.

Do you have a diary or journal?? I find it really helps to just get everything out. You can keep things in perspective that way.
 
The most disturbing part of what you wrote is that what made you not kill yourself is that you are meeting your coke dealer tomorrow. You have to find something real to live for. Cocaine is a terrible drug, and even more so if you are struggling with suicidal ideation. The last thing you need right now is a lack of dopamine in your system.

Get out there and make something good happen in your life. Find something that makes you want to live. That is the only way you are going to overcome your struggle.
 
!!
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people do care about u JP, I know that I sure as hell does, i dont care what the people around u are saying.
even though we just met i can tell ur a cool chick. Dont let life struggles get ya down, shit its normal we all go through that shit. baby step girl, get out of the situations that make u feel bad! ur doing the right thing and talking here. we are not going to judge you here, fuck we all go through these times.

just talk babe!

<3
 
I don't even know what is worth living for anymore... I need to get away from everyone & figure myself out. Its like everything is caving in around me & I'm stuck in the middle :(
 
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