Reaching out for help to finally get clean

[Lalavix]

Okay, I know I can easily browse through and find other threads and posts where people offer ways to do this. But, I need to post my specific story so I can chat to people willing to help me out with advice, for my specific story. So im 24, I was using heroin pretty steady since age 19.. The past 5-6 months I've been using methadone on and off just to keep from the withdrawals. I take Anyhing between 10-80mg depending what I have and it is liquid form. It has not been consistent, I would normally use doses ranging 10-80mg for about 3-4 days and then not use anything for another 3 days. So from what other people have said I should not have it built up in my system so much as people who obviously take it everyday at a clinic.

Now for the part where im asking for serious help. Please I don't need people telling me I've done something wrong or im an idiot or whatever, I just want serious people willing to pass of serious and helpful advice.

I don't want to be doing this anymore. BUT in all honesty I don't want to stop cold turkey and endure any withdrawls that would come. Does anyone believe that I can do a taper at home, to where I will feel minimal withdrawal? Or should I completely scratch that idea and go a different route.. Im asking what the best way to detox myself, with the least possible withdrawal (obviously I know there's going to be some Bad feeling im just hoping for as less as possible)

That's my main question. But I also would like to know if anyone has ever done the short term methadone clinic taper, where they bring you up and back down within a small amount of time and you suffer almost no withdrawal at all.. A few people I know has done this but it would be nice to hear other stories.


And one more thing.. Everyone says methadone withdrawal lasts a month and is horrible yadda yadda, obviously makes me paranoid. But I would imagine that is for people who have been on methadone for years at a high dosage. If I've only been taking it for 5-6 months at small doses 3-4 days on 3 days off sometimes as low as 20mg .. I can't imagine the withdrawals to be as bad as someone who has been on it for a very long duration at a very high and constant dose.. Wha do you guys say?

Again, please no negativity.. Im asking for serious and helpful insight.. I don't need anymore negativity.. Im literally reaching out to you guys on this forum because I want people who have gone through this.. And won't judge and bug out.

Thanks everyone, im looking forward to talking with anyone awesome enough to read this and give advice

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey Lalavix and a warm welcome to BL

IMO the best plan for a taper would be to reduce your dose to the lowest your kinda comfortable with. Then I would reduce your dose buy 5 mg once every two weeks. You will still likely have to pass through a tunnel at the end, but you will be able to do this.

while you are doing this I would use this time to start preparing and working a recovery plan. Have you been engaging yourself in this so far?

 

[Jabberwocky]

Methadone is one of the few common opioids I don't have extensive experience kicking all which ways. The aspect of withdrawals and the horror stories do a lot of psychological damage and freak one out. It is (or was for me) the same with buprenorphine, which I took for approximately the same amount of time, although abuse heavily. I'm currently taking 18mg of methadone - I went down 5mg a week from 90mg every week or so, with multiple week breaks when I had stressful periods I knew I had to look forward to. My current plan is to take my time finally come off it, I expect to make the jump sometime in the next 20-26 weeks.

Kicking bupe was a walk in the park compared to any horror story I heard of though, and I did it all in an incredibly irresponsible way, with literally no plan. Just jumped off 4mg after taking 2-24mg/day over most of the past 18 months. A huge part of what made it so easy was that I had some comfort meds (again, nor very responsible with them or well planned) comfort meds (given out by some "addiction" specialist psychiatrist who really didn't know shit) and I got to kick in a place and time where there were no distractions. By distractions, I meant I hadn't gotten psyched out about the whole thing. I didn't build up how horrible it would be, and I ended up experiencing what it really ended up being like.

I'll have been taking methadone on average of 6.5 days a week for two years coming up soon. It's scary thinking about it, I mean, all the horror stories. And with the stigma much stronger around methadone than the relative privacy of picking up my three refill script of bupe from a pharmacy like any other medication, instead having to physically go to the clinic and dance around all the bullshit regulation surrounding methadone in the US (albeit, some have been very helpful in achieving my goals), I don't know. I've allowed myself to get kind of psyched out by the whole deal.

The key as NSA said is to do what feels right for you. Fuck. Every. One. Else. You already know what the score is like. I have so many role models from dope shooting professors to your average run of the mill Thai-American kid successfully kick, with relative ease, just as I did with bupe. I have a feeling, with my tapering as I have, taking my time, getting the right comfort meds and actually using them properly this time, and getting some community support (I don't fine communities explicitly centered on abstinence to be helpful at all, in my case it would be some kind of vipassana oriented sangha) coupled with other positive things going on in my life (taking classes, really just for fun, but also my career; getting really back to awesome cooking (the little things) and start getting a lot of exercise regular again), all that will make it not only possible but probable.

Put as many constellation's pieces together before the actual kick is a strategy for a relatively painful kick. Simply considering the length of your use and that you aren't a daily use you already have a heads up. Getting some resources together (comfort meds, comfortable/supportive atmosphere) and implementing as many healthy habits you can before you actually kick will prevent it from getting bad. Do what works for you. Don't let anyone psych you out. The unknown of it all is what fucks with my head, but given all the other things I've learned, I'm confident it won't be a particularly "problematic" or even painful experience.

You'll be fine OP. Best of luck.

 

[Lalavix]

Hey Lalavix and a warm welcome to BL

IMO the best plan for a taper would be to reduce your dose to the lowest your kinda comfortable with. Then I would reduce your dose buy 5 mg once every two weeks. You will still likely have to pass through a tunnel at the end, but you will be able to do this.

while you are doing this I would use this time to start preparing and working a recovery plan. Have you been engaging yourself in this so far?

Actually I called the methadone clinic closest to me to try and get some ideas on what to do, while I was waiting for anyone to respond (which I wAs really happy to see I did get a response so thank you ).. But anywho I told the counselor on the phone fhat by no means did I want to start a year long or possibly longer methadone adventure when I've already been off and on myself for 6 months. He actially right off the bat said why don't you taper at home, lol. Ok then! And said they usually do at the quickest rate.. 10mg per 2 days and slower 5mg a week.

Anywho! I hadn't have used methadone for 3 days now and just took about 40mg.. And all I know is tha from this point on im going to take myself down 5-10mg a dAy until I hit Zero and then just deal with what is To come. All I know is im ready.. Im ready for all this to be over.. I don't want this shit to be a part of my life anymore, I don't want to worry about it anymore.. And most of all I don't want to lose anymore people due to this shit anymore..

You asked if I've put into place A recovery plan.. Honestly I can't say I have.. With my anxieties im scared if I get too ahead of myself with ideas I'll be overwhelmed. Righ now im just trying to put it into my head that "THIS WONT BE BAD, I can get through this, the withdrawals won't be as horrible as I believe them to be" lol

Probably sounds lame.. Im just so desperate to be over this part of my life... I found someone whom I care a great deal about and he doesn't deErve to be with someone who's still working on getting clean.. I want to be the best version of myself so I can move forward with ALL aspects of my life. Thank you again for responding

 

[Felonious Monk]

If you can go 3 days without, I think you'll do ok with the methadone taper.

The "recovery plan" is definitely important though, but it's more simple than you're referencing--IMO it should just be a plan to keep you busy. So make plans for exercise, eating right, and doing something outside your house every day and you're most of the way there.

 

[Lalavix]

Methadone is one of the few common opioids I don't have extensive experience kicking all which ways. The aspect of withdrawals and the horror stories do a lot of psychological damage and freak one out. It is (or was for me) the same with buprenorphine, which I took for approximately the same amount of time, although abuse heavily. I'm currently taking 18mg of methadone - I went down 5mg a week from 90mg every week or so, with multiple week breaks when I had stressful periods I knew I had to look forward to. My current plan is to take my time finally come off it, I expect to make the jump sometime in the next 20-26 weeks.

Kicking bupe was a walk in the park compared to any horror story I heard of though, and I did it all in an incredibly irresponsible way, with literally no plan. Just jumped off 4mg after taking 2-24mg/day over most of the past 18 months. A huge part of what made it so easy was that I had some comfort meds (again, nor very responsible with them or well planned) comfort meds (given out by some "addiction" specialist psychiatrist who really didn't know shit) and I got to kick in a place and time where there were no distractions. By distractions, I meant I hadn't gotten psyched out about the whole thing. I didn't build up how horrible it would be, and I ended up experiencing what it really ended up being like.

I'll have been taking methadone on average of 6.5 days a week for two years coming up soon. It's scary thinking about it, I mean, all the horror stories. And with the stigma much stronger around methadone than the relative privacy of picking up my three refill script of bupe from a pharmacy like any other medication, instead having to physically go to the clinic and dance around all the bullshit regulation surrounding methadone in the US (albeit, some have been very helpful in achieving my goals), I don't know. I've allowed myself to get kind of psyched out by the whole deal.

The key as NSA said is to do what feels right for you. Fuck. Every. One. Else. You already know what the score is like. I have so many role models from dope shooting professors to your average run of the mill Thai-American kid successfully kick, with relative ease, just as I did with bupe. I have a feeling, with my tapering as I have, taking my time, getting the right comfort meds and actually using them properly this time, and getting some community support (I don't fine communities explicitly centered on abstinence to be helpful at all, in my case it would be some kind of vipassana oriented sangha) coupled with other positive things going on in my life (taking classes, really just for fun, but also my career; getting really back to awesome cooking (the little things) and start getting a lot of exercise regular again), all that will make it not only possible but probable.

Put as many constellation's pieces together before the actual kick is a strategy for a relatively painful kick. Simply considering the length of your use and that you aren't a daily use you already have a heads up. Getting some resources together (comfort meds, comfortable/supportive atmosphere) and implementing as many healthy habits you can before you actually kick will prevent it from getting bad. Do what works for you. Don't let anyone psych you out. The unknown of it all is what fucks with my head, but given all the other things I've learned, I'm confident it won't be a particularly "problematic" or even painful experience.

You'll be fine OP. Best of luck.

Thank you for responding to my post. I know you've been on methadone longer but it's nice to know someone's kinda in the same boat as me with tapering down.

The horror stories about the methadone kick is what scares me the most.. But I try and make sense of it in my head... Like here's how I thought it out the other day

So mondAy you take 80.. With a half life tuesday you have 40 left in UR system and take 80 again now your at 120... Wed down to 60 plus 80.. 140... Thurs 70 plus 80.. 150.. 80.5 plus 80.. 160.5.. 80 plus 80 160.. So technically now you'll have 160 built up in UR asteem everyday you take 80mg.. But I've nevdr had it build up in my system like that.. So I feel detox won't take as long and may not be as bad..

That probably sounded like complete mumbo jumbo crazy girl talk lol.. Just trying to find the positive side so I don't freak myself out..

I also heard of people that do quick week long tapers who have been successful and I know another clinic in my area that does a 21 day.. So either way I feel if we can grin and bear through wgatever withdrawals we DO feel.. It shouldn't be too bad.

I think I may be rambling.. Im just taking all the thoughts out of my head and laying them out on here.. Seeing if they make any aense lol

Okay and you say "comfort meds" may I ask what? I've been contemplating on getting some xanax or klonopin BECAUSE I also feel that if I don't have the dreaded mental part of the withdrawals, I can most likely get through the physical. I also heard gabbapentin helps with withdrawals too?

And while im on this ramble... Have you ever tried Kratom for withdrawals? I actually purchased some a while back but I don't think I was taking it too seriously so I didn't give it much of a chance to "work".. But I've read stories where it really does work.

I don't know lol, thank you for responding to my post I really appreciate the feedback and the uplifting "you cAn do it" spirit. It's nice!
Whenever you see this I'll be looking for your response! Thanks ahain

 

[Lalavix]

If you can go 3 days without, I think you'll do ok with the methadone taper.

The "recovery plan" is definitely important though, but it's more simple than you're referencing--IMO it should just be a plan to keep you busy. So make plans for exercise, eating right, and doing something outside your house every day and you're most of the way there.

Thanks for your response! So you think, in your opinion, If I drop quickly maybs 5-10mg a day just to get off it, the withdrawals might not be as bad as im blowing it up in my head?

You all have said the same about staying busy and having somewhat of a plan, so im definitly going to take that advice and run with it.

Really im just hoping and preying that when I taper off fully, it won't be misery for weeks on end. Which im slowly putting in my head thaf I don't believe it will be thaf bad

Thank you again!

 

[TryingToGetBetter]

You've got this! Keep a positive attitude and lean on us here at Bluelight. If you want it bad enough, you'll curb stomp it. Be patient this is not a 2 week thing.... it takes work but you CAN work through this shit. You got this!!!!

 

[Jabberwocky]

You plans are golden OP. When you get around 0-10mg it might feel a bit different, so stay flexible if that is the case. I doubt you'll have a problem with this if you take your situation seriously enough.

By comfort meds I'm referring to some of the following things (not in any particular order, I'm just pulling things off the top of my head):
Gabapentin, pregabalin, ropinirole, ondansetron, clonidine, ibuprofen, clonazepam, temazepam, DXM, cannabis, kratom, loperamide, acupuncture, iboga/ibogaine hcl, buprenorphine, massage, Tiger balm, propranolol, trazadone, drinking enough water, orgasms, how baths/showers, exercise, diet, sunlight, vitamins, sleep hygiene, etc. etc.

Gabapentin/pregabalin works very well for controlling many of the symptoms of acute opioid withdrawal.

Be very careful about using benzos or any gaba-a/b agent any longer than necessary though.

Some meds/things have side effects (ropinirole), are expensive (pregabalin), are addictive themselves (benzos/gabaergics/kratom), and others (DXM/iboga) may be entirely inappropriate given the individual for other reasons.

Some of the meds are very symptom specific (ropinirole/ondansetron) while others affect a wide array of acute withdrawal side effects (DXM/ibogaine hcl).

Some "mask" the opioid withdrawal (kratom/buprenorphine/loperamide) ideally without creating a new dependency to deal with, others seem (I'm not sure how accurate this statement actually is) to help create some distance between the place of getting trapped in a symptom of acute withdrawal and one's present moment experience, allowing one to merely ride the symptoms out (DXM/benzos/gabapentin).

Many of the things fit into multiple categories have fuuuuuuuuun

 

[Lalavix]

You've got this! Keep a positive attitude and lean on us here at Bluelight. If you want it bad enough, you'll curb stomp it. Be patient this is not a 2 week thing.... it takes work but you CAN work through this shit. You got this!!!!

Your awesome! Def made me smile

 

[Lalavix]

You plans are golden OP. When you get around 0-10mg it might feel a bit different, so stay flexible if that is the case. I doubt you'll have a problem with this if you take your situation seriously enough.

By comfort meds I'm referring to some of the following things (not in any particular order, I'm just pulling things off the top of my head):
Gabapentin, pregabalin, ropinirole, ondansetron, clonidine, ibuprofen, clonazepam, temazepam, DXM, cannabis, kratom, loperamide, acupuncture, iboga/ibogaine hcl, buprenorphine, massage, Tiger balm, propranolol, trazadone, drinking enough water, orgasms, how baths/showers, exercise, diet, sunlight, vitamins, sleep hygiene, etc. etc.

Gabapentin/pregabalin works very well for controlling many of the symptoms of acute opioid withdrawal.

Be very careful about using benzos or any gaba-a/b agent any longer than necessary though.

Some meds/things have side effects (ropinirole), are expensive (pregabalin), are addictive themselves (benzos/gabaergics/kratom), and others (DXM/iboga) may be entirely inappropriate given the individual for other reasons.

Some of the meds are very symptom specific (ropinirole/ondansetron) while others affect a wide array of acute withdrawal side effects (DXM/ibogaine hcl).

Some "mask" the opioid withdrawal (kratom/buprenorphine/loperamide) ideally without creating a new dependency to deal with, others seem (I'm not sure how accurate this statement actually is) to help create some distance between the place of getting trapped in a symptom of acute withdrawal and one's present moment experience, allowing one to merely ride the symptoms out (DXM/benzos/gabapentin).

Many of the things fit into multiple categories have fuuuuuuuuun

I've been reading a lot about the loperamide and im going to get some in the morning. I've asked in a differnt thread but im going to ask you since you mentioned it.. You said it "masks" it.. So if I take it for a few days just during withdrawals.. I shouldn't feel wothdrawal from that unless I take it for a long period, right? Everyone posts about how great lope is but I havnt seen a post about how they felt after they stopped taking lope, or how long they took it.
Thanks again!

 

[w0w0mg]

Hey Lalavix and a warm welcome to BL

IMO the best plan for a taper would be to reduce your dose to the lowest your kinda comfortable with. Then I would reduce your dose buy 5 mg once every two weeks. You will still likely have to pass through a tunnel at the end, but you will be able to do this.

while you are doing this I would use this time to start preparing and working a recovery plan. Have you been engaging yourself in this so far?

THIS ^^^

I came off 90mg of methadone a day for almost 2 years doing cold turkey and it was hell on earth,
I did not feel right for months.
I would suggest a taper too. Methadone withdrawals last a while.
You have not been on methadone for that long so it wouldnt be as intense, but I still advice a taper.
best of luck to you mate.

 

[Lalavix]

Well I was on 48 hour of nothing at all.. I felt fine but the restless legs kicked in really bad after smokin some bud.. I literally could not keep myself from freaking out so after like 2 hours I drank about 20mg maybe less of methadone just to calm down.. So I guess im back to day 1 again :/