Woodsong
Bluelighter
I've tried plenty of different benzos over the years: Clonazepam, diazepam, lorazepam, etizolam, yadda yadda... They all seemed to have their therapeutic value, but not really much in the way of recreation. Whenever they came around, I could control my use for the most part -- until I discovered alprazolam.
Every other benzo I've tried had some quirky little side-effect that effectively turned me off of it. Xanax, however, seemed like the perfect drug of its class. Just a simple sort of careless euphoria, much like alcohol with none of the nasty physical side-effects. Granted, it's caused its own slew of problems in my life which I will not go into here, but this is why ...
I cannot control my use of it, and heaven knows I've tried... Even the slightest hint of the stuff in my system and my brain just screams "MORE!" My DOC is (was) opiates, and even those never had that kind of demanding insistence that I just keep shoving more and more into my system. No other benzo has this effect either. If I had a thousand bars in my possession, I fear that I would just keep taking them until I was either physically incapable, or ... dead.
I get a script from my psychiatrist every month for it. Not much, just 30 1mg tablets, but I always end up blowing through the entire thing in a day. I've tried everything I can think of to keep myself from doing this short of just giving the bottle to someone else to hold onto, and well ... let's face it, that's not gonna happen. I've "hidden" pills from myself, I've packaged it up in some sort of wrapping and written "NO!" all across it -- Ridiculous, I know, but it never works.
The obvious advice here would be to just avoid Xanax altogether. Truth be told, I can take it or leave it, I don't have this burning desire for the stuff like I do with opiates. But, y'know, when the opportunity arises . . .
I'm more interested in WHY exactly this happens. What is it about Xanax in particular that makes me go through an entire prescription like it's a can of Pringles? I apologize if this sort of thing has been asked before -- and from I've read, it certainly seems like I'm not the only one that has this problem with Xanax -- I'm just very curious. I'd love to find a way to be able to control myself without relying on someone else to do it for me, because I do have plenty of anxiety issues... Social, most particularly. I don't like that I feel I have to use drugs just to interact with other people these days, but ... a lot of times I really don't think I'd be able to otherwise.
Every other benzo I've tried had some quirky little side-effect that effectively turned me off of it. Xanax, however, seemed like the perfect drug of its class. Just a simple sort of careless euphoria, much like alcohol with none of the nasty physical side-effects. Granted, it's caused its own slew of problems in my life which I will not go into here, but this is why ...
I cannot control my use of it, and heaven knows I've tried... Even the slightest hint of the stuff in my system and my brain just screams "MORE!" My DOC is (was) opiates, and even those never had that kind of demanding insistence that I just keep shoving more and more into my system. No other benzo has this effect either. If I had a thousand bars in my possession, I fear that I would just keep taking them until I was either physically incapable, or ... dead.
I get a script from my psychiatrist every month for it. Not much, just 30 1mg tablets, but I always end up blowing through the entire thing in a day. I've tried everything I can think of to keep myself from doing this short of just giving the bottle to someone else to hold onto, and well ... let's face it, that's not gonna happen. I've "hidden" pills from myself, I've packaged it up in some sort of wrapping and written "NO!" all across it -- Ridiculous, I know, but it never works.
The obvious advice here would be to just avoid Xanax altogether. Truth be told, I can take it or leave it, I don't have this burning desire for the stuff like I do with opiates. But, y'know, when the opportunity arises . . .
I'm more interested in WHY exactly this happens. What is it about Xanax in particular that makes me go through an entire prescription like it's a can of Pringles? I apologize if this sort of thing has been asked before -- and from I've read, it certainly seems like I'm not the only one that has this problem with Xanax -- I'm just very curious. I'd love to find a way to be able to control myself without relying on someone else to do it for me, because I do have plenty of anxiety issues... Social, most particularly. I don't like that I feel I have to use drugs just to interact with other people these days, but ... a lot of times I really don't think I'd be able to otherwise.
