KurtAurelius
Bluelighter
The most profound moments I’ve had always come from taking part in a random conversation with total openness.
The smile you can give and those in return have lifted me out of some very serious dark places, made me feel human and connected again.
My wacko hippy side really believes we are offered this opportunities from the world to lift us and to nurture us.
My personal anecdote was one morning where I had been so down and out, I took my Methylphenidate and smoked a little joint, and walked down to the field by the river.
I noticed all the litter around and I observed my usual reaction of getting angry and full of hate for the selfish cunts that destroy nature,
I noticed how I observe this and I have a reason for not doing something “I don’t have a bag to carry this litter or gloves”
I witnessed the hypocrisy as I saw it, and I stacked all of this rubbish in my filthy hands through this field, picking up beer cans and crappy muddy bits of plastic and foil, working my way up to the canal bank and picking up filthy fag buts etc.
A few people came up to me and cheered me on,
I sort of replied “someone has to do something” and they agreed, they were generally surprised,
Due to my meds kicking in + with spliff (that I shouldn’t be smoking as it makes me really out of it) I was in turbo autism mode I suspect, as I sometimes lack the energy for any social skills other than replies.
I told myself I would start doing this regularly, I would walk with gloves in my bag and record myself with a philosophical vlog kinda deal.
I’m ashamed I haven’t done it yet but I hope posting this here will make me go do it today.
I’m excited that next week I also have a meeting with the local food bank and housing support, to possibly volunteer,
I used to be a support worker but I’ve been very ill and out of work, the system is disgusting and working for a penny opens your eye, I’d rather help out for a organisation who isn’t in it for the money.
The smile you can give and those in return have lifted me out of some very serious dark places, made me feel human and connected again.
My wacko hippy side really believes we are offered this opportunities from the world to lift us and to nurture us.
My personal anecdote was one morning where I had been so down and out, I took my Methylphenidate and smoked a little joint, and walked down to the field by the river.
I noticed all the litter around and I observed my usual reaction of getting angry and full of hate for the selfish cunts that destroy nature,
I noticed how I observe this and I have a reason for not doing something “I don’t have a bag to carry this litter or gloves”
I witnessed the hypocrisy as I saw it, and I stacked all of this rubbish in my filthy hands through this field, picking up beer cans and crappy muddy bits of plastic and foil, working my way up to the canal bank and picking up filthy fag buts etc.
A few people came up to me and cheered me on,
I sort of replied “someone has to do something” and they agreed, they were generally surprised,
Due to my meds kicking in + with spliff (that I shouldn’t be smoking as it makes me really out of it) I was in turbo autism mode I suspect, as I sometimes lack the energy for any social skills other than replies.
I told myself I would start doing this regularly, I would walk with gloves in my bag and record myself with a philosophical vlog kinda deal.
I’m ashamed I haven’t done it yet but I hope posting this here will make me go do it today.
I’m excited that next week I also have a meeting with the local food bank and housing support, to possibly volunteer,
I used to be a support worker but I’ve been very ill and out of work, the system is disgusting and working for a penny opens your eye, I’d rather help out for a organisation who isn’t in it for the money.
Last edited:



