rain dance

[BloSs0m]

My eye lashes fell out with a tearing sound
my heart broke in two.
silently.
Becasue of you.
i would never have known if the pain hadn't killed me.
the pain of being alone.

i watched you lay there.
every limb shaking. trembling.
a vortex of pain. what happenned to the melody
you got lost again.
blood spurted from your nostils.
stained your lips and ran down ur chin.
with every second's passing. the darkness, closed in.

each breath i take shatters my dreams.
and my hands are getting bigger
the silence, screams and screams and screams.
Why did you have to leave.
to go and dance in the rain.
you left this world of sadness. but only added to its pain.

born by moonlight. fed by the sun.
where had all this begun.
one day.
ill come dance in the rain with you.

im dehydrating. each tear is excruciating.
slicing my face. staining my lips.
my hands tremble like they're fighting to fly
the sky is crying. and only i know why.



ok, this is the first piece of writing ive really kinda shown to 'an audience' so i would love some feed back!
xoxoxo

 

[neverwas]

i watched you lay there.
every limb shaking. trembling.
a vortex of pain.

well hun for ur first public peice it was really good

the style of the words u selected did it justice perfectly...the pain and emotion i sensed was also clear. wouldnt change it but maybe readjust ur stansas...