Quiet Lotus

[flipthecandy]

song/poem by yours truly



december trenchcoat boots made out of leather
twinkle twinkle her eyes show no corruption
logic calls him but he gives back no answer
wraps her in darkness and sheds her innocence with ease

PRE-CHORUS:
inject her gently, inject her with the venom
rapturous venom make a slave out of her

CHORUS:
oh quiet lotus whisper to your master
on your knees beg him to release you
oh quiet lotus cry for me

shimmering sweat heavily breathing temptress
sacred stranger bleed nocturnal pleasures
show no pain and ask not for forgiveness
when we're are alone show your dark side




comment ?

 

[echo off]

i much prefer this to the other piece you put up, red dress. this feels more meaningful to me. i particularly like the lines

shimmering sweat heavily breathing temptress
sacred stranger bleed nocturnal pleasures

but i think i need this to be completed before i can say i like it.

i'm a bastard recently... always starting from the negative trying to find a positive so perhaps discard my opinion.

 

[lighterbandit]

i disagree, i liked the opening line better, and the 1st line of 'prechorus.' good stuff dude, are u in a band?

 

[pennywise]

I'd like to hear this as a song. I'm curious how you would put the words to music, they seem pretty complicated as far as song lyrics go, especially the fact that there are few lines that rhyme. I makes me think it would be difficult, but that if you were successful it could be a very cool and original song.

It seems sad but maybe lustful in a dark way. I wonder if the music reflects that, and how so? Very evocative, in any case.

 

[flipthecandy]

any other comments/opinions?