As time goes on you will come to realise what are real issues and what were drug related. Rather than self medicating you need to go and see your doctor or phsychiatrist for help on dealing with those real problems. You cant do everthing alone. And find a course of action, i don't believe the first choice for this should be benzos or opiates. Beta blockers are good for anxiety and then there are SSRI's. These should be first line options.
Hi - hope you don't mind the long post.
Day 10, fell off the wagon today and took 90mgs Dihydrocodeine.
Couldn't stand another day. Seemingly deteriorating and overwhelming doom and pain.
Got into vicious circle with bad sleep pattern and not eating.
Got behind on tasks that need completing before tomorrow.
Today, I am going to get off this computer and do those tasks that need doing, as that will make me feel better.
The benzo withdrawal is responsible for most of the pain, but I do have big practical worries which overwhelm, and, yes, I also have deep rooted emotional negativity from past, but un-healed emotional injuries.
I never had teen years or early 20's because of the extremely sheltered and controlled life I was living, so, in my late thirties I got in to drugs too deep. My mum reflected to me last year that they 'kept me little', in my thirties, I realised I felt like a child in an adults body.
There's something to be said for offspring of authoritarian parents are more likely to fuck up than offspring from parents who guide, and allow their offspring spread their wings and make thier own way in the world, learn by their experiences.
Treatment wise, I was receiving art psychotherapy for seven years, but I foolishly wasted these sessions turning up on drugs or not turning up at all, or not making the most of the sessions.
This art therapy was a golden opportunity for me to work through my emotional pain and heal, but there's no point in me beating myself up about it now.
I seem to do alot of things like this in life.
The mental health services have washed their hands of me, as there is nothing else they could do.
Medication wise I am on trazodone for depression and a low dose of the anti-psychotic, seroquel off label for anxiety. Anti psychotics are contra-indicated in benzo withdrawal, but I was desperately anxious and wanted to try anything.
I tried beta blockers and SSRI's are not advised in benzo withdrawal, as they are a stimulant.
My meds help me sleep and help the anxiety only when I take my evening dose. This is because it is common in benzo withdrawal to feel anxiety for a few hours after waking up, this can last all day.
My meds are two more drugs I have to withdraw from in the future, as I want to get my brain back to its natural functioning.
I have read people's experience of coming off trazodone and seroquel and its not pretty.
When off meds, and working naturally, I can have a clearer view of my un-healed emotional issues and work through them properly.
I am confident that working through my emotional issues will reveal the unconscious drives behind the impulses to self-medicate. I am also confident that it will help me see my unhealed experiences clearly and I will discover a way to make all that bad energy good.
