Ashke, your writing skills are incredible, I'm almost
intimidated to write a reply post.
Indirectly I have had similar aquaintances that have
brought similar thoughts.
I started raving not long after beginning university.
I'm one of those middle class, does it for kicks, never
faced real adversity type people. Needless to say, it's
easy for me to take things for granted.
Hooking up one night in Ottawa I made aquaintances with an
independant dealer [Hells has run Ottawa for a while, but it's
not that lucrative of a market], either way, I made friends
asked a lot about how things were 'run', got the low down
on the town. It ended up the start of a good friendship and
introduction into the scene here [I was a co-op at the time,
in a foreign city]. I was on a few toronto pick-up runs
and met his dealer. As far as I can tell she ran around
10,000 rolls a week through the city, but as with everything
with her who knows the real numbers. Her and her boyfriend
carried pocket pistols into every party, that was a bit
intimidating. I had a few chances to sit and one-on-one a
talk here and there. She got into the scene in miami
when she was 14, when her dealer boyfriend and 'only real
love' died of a heroin overdose one night. She packed up
and came to ontario, borrowed $300 off someone, took it to
start off, and after a number of bad hook-ups, jackings and
so on eventually got herself settled in with a good customer
base. I found out indirectly she was still addicted to
heroin, the methadone just didn't quite cut it for her.
She was tough. Small, boyish look, didn't take shit from
anyone. Being from a different type of world, I found it
frustrating trying to have a 'real' conversation with her.
Just layer after layer of defences. She would run weeks
without sleep, who needs sleep when you have meth. Her
mother and father only came around when it was time to
borrow money, that was pretty sad. She wanted out, but she
knew no other life. After dealing for that long, cross
addicted to a number of chemicals, used to constant stress,
not trusting anyone, no belief in the world around her,
no skills to get anything but a menial job, of which would
pay her so little the 'I can make my weeks wages at this
jo job in 30 minutes dealing" thought would constantly pop
into her head as she flipped burgers while being yelled at
by some jerk manager at some mickydees. She told me she
just wanted to go back to school, start a real life, but
at 24 or 25 whatever her age now, I don't know how that
would happen. She got snagged, locked in a trap by an
investigative team in toronto, she was pursuaded to hook
up an undercover with a large lot [2000 ?? I think]. She
went to jail, and rumor is she is out now. I have not seen
her or heard from her, and that's fine. I hope she is safe,
holding clean from her addictions and that jail time was a big
enough scare, but seriously, now what chances does she have.
1. Criminal record
2. Probably fighting the heroin addiction still
3. Father is in UK, useless to her anyhow
4. Mother is in UK too somewhere
5. No skills
6. Not a canadian citizen
7. Possible boyfriend turned her in since he was up on
firearms charges, probably more [plea of some sort]
8. It's possible her boyfriend started a rumor that
she narked on some triads to get a shorter sentence
so I dunno if she is safe anywhere now
9. The dealer she hooked the undercover up with probably
wants her dead
10. She doesn't trust anyone after her lifes events
Man, I have it easy...
I don't know if all my facts are exact here, my memory
sucks as far as picking conversational details, but
the jist is there in all I have written.
The fun part is that I still roll and injest meth here
and there. With my life, life is good, drugs are the
entertainment [still dangerous, still illegal] I believe
I could quit, and will quit when ready, [when it's time
to have a kid, I'm responsible when there is someone
else at risk], but the replacement of fun times on chems
won't be that hard to replace with the other joys in life
for me. Now as far as figuring out what I would say to
her to draw a line from where she is to being elsewhere,
I wouldn't have a clue. As for my associate here in
Ottawa, he has just had a scare recently too, but he is
still soft edged, still young, I'm sure he has a chance, as
long as I am in his life I will keep trying to offer
suggestions.
Anyhow, just thought I'd share,
nowhere near as eloquent as you Ashke,
your writing is so heartfelt you could work
for halmark writing the inside of cards
Cheers from the capital.
