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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

PTSD PTSD

mal3volent said:
💜🐶 @AngelsandFairiesarereal
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Omg how freaking adorable ♥️
 
Omg. I feel really awful. I have zero energy. My lower legs are shaking really bad. I am hoping it is because I just need to get some rest.

I have to try really hard to focus and I feel very weak and drained. I felt really dehydrated and I tried to get up and drink some water.

I did drink two cups but I can't even remember what I am saying or doing at moments . I took a shower yesterday and I was able to sleep.

Maybe I just have an intestinal flu. I feel like I have been poisoned. Yesterday I couldn't eat too healthy. But today I had Oatmeal with bananas and

Whole milk Yogurt

cream on top. Vanilla. I have big container of plain also. Some days are better but some days are Hot and stinky. I took a shower and washed

the stink off of my head. And was good. But I still woke up in the morning feeling terrible. Same ol Same ol except some days ... when I feel better.

I hope that I get better I can't take feeling any worse than I feel today. It is scary how I can't focus and am foggy. I bet it's going to be 90 today.

Maybe I need the Lake. My friend is at the border and is on her way to the Lake anyway. We will have to sit out there and gab and smoke.

Sorry I just haven't seen her since like the end of last year in October. So I will have to get better by tomorrow.

And I can't do anything right now. Maybe it was the cabbage soup or the friekin asian coleslaw.

At first I thought it was a bladder infection or intestinal cancer or ... maybe needing an ambulance. Really. But I am counting on it just being

dehydration and that is what it probably is. It's been five days now and I can't keep feeling like this. Gotta drink water.

I will look for some shade. And the a/c cooler is up and running already. I can't wait to light up the Lake. He he. Right.

@ Angels how are you feeling ! ✨✨✨✨

I miss you.
 
I didn't have dreams last night. I woke up better.

Yesterday I woke up shaking from horrible dreams I kept having when I would fall back to sleep.

Then I had the shakes all day but it stopped and I feel better this morning.

Maybe only dehydrated. Yes, those bad dreams feel real and it is really horrible.

I don't know what else to say. ✨

Today feels better though.

k 💕💞💫


Anyway I am saying it feels so so horrible. We get better alright. I know we can. 🪻🌓

Please take care. You;re so cool too. 💖 Llove that.
 
You're growing as a person, our love for you is growing stronger, and now we've got growth from our tree, too:



Love you so much, A&F. Can't wait to talk soon.
 
In English, we say,
"I'm moving on."

In Poetry, we say,
"I gathered my broken pieces,
kissed the past gently, and
walked barefoot into the dawn."
 
In English, we say,
"I'm waiting."


In poetry, we say,
"I am learning to love the
silence between prayers and
promises, the place where hope
blooms slowly."
 
I'll tell you a little about my case, it's nowhere near as terrible as some people's, but deep down complex PTSD can have many different causes, forms and intensities. I have realized over the years that I "find" women, couples, really unstable, when not directly "crazy" or simply diagnosed with things like "depression", anxiety or directly BPD... In recent years I realized the terrible reality... my mother has undiagnosed high-functioning BPD, I have always lived with her or with her financial help (except for the last 8 years in which I have gradually managed to build a career...) and I think that living with her and with my partners who have been mostly abusive, has destroyed something of me and has generated fear and a "compulsive" behavior of "protection" as well as other types of symptoms normally associated with complex PTSD. I honestly don't know what to do, I use things like kratom to stabilize my mood.

In the moments of greatest abuse by the most complicated couples (for example my previous ex) I have used other things, especially strong stims, which although they did not fix anything and did not even produce a "patch" like kratom, at least caused some relief from the euphoria. Right now I'm not using almost anything, and I don't feel particularly bad, I've finally gotten a good job, and even though I've just been ghosted terribly (a girl who has PTSD too...) it looks like I'll make it, yet I'm still worried about the fact that it seems impossible to find a normal, healthy woman after having suffered so much, It's like I have a magnet for "sick" people and I even feel like I've "healed with them" somehow, a process that in a way actually happened with my ex-girlfriend. Honestly, it's a strange feeling to live like this, like an emotional curse.
 
I am so sorry that you had to go through all of that @Neuroborean and have to feel that way now.

That's what healing is for I guess. I woke up with a episode of PTSD as well this morning, however.

Not every morning, just this one. I even know the trigger. Maybe the day will wear it off somehow

At least I have a place to post somewhere. It was a way for

a while. The benefits outweigh the doubts sometimes and is most definitely a whole lot better irl anyhow

for sure and anyway. With the real support that I actually seek out instead of all the hate crime, I would rather not.

Not now. Not in this thread. Not ever.

I hope you stay blessed Angels and Fairies. You are in all of our hearts.
 
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