When I was first getting into 4-aco-dmt, the first rc tryptamine I bought in large amounts, I wasn't using a scale.
You know what (eventually) comes next.
I had perhaps a dozen trips, in the likely 20-40mg range, and loved it. Then I started increasing my dose, packing capsules more and more full, and just going by what my memory told me it looked like last time. This actually worked out pretty well in the beginning. It was only as the 4-aco started to degrade, and clump together, that I started to get into real trouble.
I had a trip that is close to the equivalent of where 65mg measured takes me. I had a great time. It was overwhelming in all the right ways.
I wanted to push higher, only slightly, and really got served. I have no way to predict how much I took, but something on the order of 100mg wouldn't surprise me. Add to the fact that it took abnormally long to come on (on the order of two hours) and I decided to smoke a small amount on top of a bowl. It all kicked in very quickly after that. I remember feeling nauseous, and hobbling to the bathroom. I threw up a bunch of foam, and my vision started to tunnel, and I lost color vision. My sense of self and being was eradicated, and I had several oscillations of this where I would lose all muscle posture, collapse on the floor, regain a sense of self, try to get up, fall back into nothingness and collapse, etc.
As I was coming back I had all sorts of ultrarealistic visions of my parents finding me in this condition. The ordeal of an ambulance being called, the paramedics rushing in, police finding my stash of psychedelics, the disappointment and loss of all the things I'd worked for in the previous months of overcoming addiction. It was terrifying, and seemed to go on forever. I managed to crawl back to my room, and was convinced I'd had a bad trip, and was going to be depressed for weeks It was on this descent that I heard my voice in my head yell something along the lines of "Hey! Fuck that! You're a strong person! You made a bad decision, learn from it! You're going to go on and grow from this and become an even better person for it!"
I bought a scale the next day.
I had another two close calls with psychotic episodes. One was on a 40mg 4-aco-dmt trip, mixed with a large dose of choline and piracetam. I started feeling what I now have come to realize as the breaking point for sanity. It's a very peculiar feeling, like standing on the edge of a precipice, and I've come to associate it with the beginning of the process of blacking out and doing a bunch of crazy shit. I thought I was just "breaking through" to the next level, but I had the phasing out of existence thing happen again. I had a few moments back in consciousness, I'd be pulling off my clothes, and having a really hard time with it. I'd be rubbing my face back and forth across the carpet. The final time I came back I found myself humming at the top of my lungs. It was pretty disconcerting.
The next was a mixed 30mg4aco/80mg2cc/largely unmeasured 4-ho-dmt, probably close to 30mg, but who knows. Same feeling of standing on a precipice. Came very close to blacking out, but somehow managed to ride out the waves of dissolution enough to not do anything crazy. Still got naked, but stayed in bed.
Always use the scale.
I still trip nowadays. Probably about once a month. I like the experience, and I feel the things I've discovered about myself and the way I look at the world have been beneficial and eye opening. But I always measure. I always use volumetric dilution for potent and/or dangerous psychedelics. I don't trip if ANYTHING doesn't feel absolutely right.
In short, I try to respect my body, and try to respect the experience I'm putting myself through. I still push the limits, but I try to do so responsibly, in the safest manner possible. I have people that love me, and to harm myself out of this exploration would be profoundly selfish. I try to keep that in mind with all drugs, but since the only ones I do these days are cannabinoids and psychedelics, it's not too hard to be reminded if I lose sight of that goal.
Lasting effects? I've died, so I know that no matter how much the actual process of leaving the body may suck, the actual experience is going to be amazing. There's really nothing to worry about with death. By the same token, I've come to appreciate life so much more. NOthing like an overwhelming trip that puts the fear of not just death, but nothingness into you, to make one appreciate the beauty and wonder of life.
No cognitive decline. Always a bit burnt out after an experience that approaches psychosis, but no cognitive decline. A night of good sleep, some cannabis, and good friends and family make everything alright.
