telepathetic
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2010
- Messages
- 2,277
Hey all. Last night I smoked some very strong pot (i don't smoke pot often), and felt like I had a psychotic break. This has happened numerous times on cannabis to me, but never this strong. I started to see my fiance flirting with other people even thought it wasn't happening. I would be sitting there staring off into space and I'd see my friend twitch his eye, and then move his head and think he was motioning to some secret. I'd think I was dead and just reliving my life. Random, completely crazy thoughts like this. Connecting things that shouldn't connect. Not being able to think clearly, thinking there was some big secret behind reality, such as everyone is part of it. The odd thing was though, is as soon as these happened, I'd realize it was insane and debunk it and just stop thinking about it. I'm 18 years old, a bit worried this could be developmental schizophrenia or something? Today I feel a bit off still, woke up every couple hours last night, and I'm very irritable and hostile to my fiance sometimes by accident. One thing though, is I have VERY bad anxiety. For a couple months, I thought I had lymphoma, lung cancer, this that, this that. Completely believed it. Could I be tricking myself, and while high my mind is a bit more creative? Though, it happens when I'm not thinking about it.
The first time I ever experienced this, was much worse than any pot experience, was on DMT. I smoked a big hit and things started to cue things in my head that didn't connect at all. Friends talking, my dog licking his butt, people gesturing, my fiance praying and giving me a massage, made me feel like my reality was being slipped from under me, controlled. That anything could happen, the possibilities were now endless, the laws I thought controlled reality no longer did. And even now, completely of sober mind, I still have a voice in my head (not a literal voice, just a thought
) thinking this could be real and I'm in some test. Is this normal with DMT? Another time I smoked less than 15mg of DMT and had a similar experience, where I feel like all my friends, fiance, family are in on some big secret.
I've also had a similar experience on a fairly high dose 4-AcO-DMT, where my fiance had gone crazy (not able to talk w ell anymore, another schizo worry of mine haha). She told me she was pregnant (with the earth, i didn't know that though) and I thought all my friends knew, my dad, and it was the secret of life to have a child. This one was more of just a strong trip though.
If this is normal of DMT, could this just be PTSD and OCD (my doctor thinks I have ocd, due to me compulsively checking the size of my lymph nodes [they were swallon]) making me create insane thoughts even though I know they aren't real? Remember, I'm not thinking about any of this at all when this happens.
Anyway, the reason this bothers me at the moment, is I haven't tripped in like 6 months (besides very low dose 2c-c twice), and I feel like my ego is getting a bit big, as I said been a bit irritable and angry towards my fiance, feeling a bit too cool %). We used to have very special, amazing, romantic mescaline trips (Peruvian torch-- about 25 grams) that used to help us out a lot. Mescaline has never done anything bad to us, never had an anxious trip, etc. I've had edgy acid trips, but no bad ones. She's had a bad acid trip. My recent 2c-c trips have been great (besides a bit of anxiety). I've never had these crazy thoughts at all while tripping (not that I noticed), besides on DMT. However, I haven't tripped in a long time and I also don't think pot was always like this for me, I think I used to just get normal highs. I'd really like to take some low dose LSD (half a very potent hit), or about 25 grams of Peruvian torch because I think if this is just anxiety/PTSD I can get past it with these. I'm worried if this is DP/DR (depersonalization/derealization) from HPPD (not sure if I have this, I'm having a good time living 75-85% of the time), OR developmental schizophrenia these could exasperate it too much.
Sorry for jumping around so much, but please give me your words of wisdom
What does PD think?
The first time I ever experienced this, was much worse than any pot experience, was on DMT. I smoked a big hit and things started to cue things in my head that didn't connect at all. Friends talking, my dog licking his butt, people gesturing, my fiance praying and giving me a massage, made me feel like my reality was being slipped from under me, controlled. That anything could happen, the possibilities were now endless, the laws I thought controlled reality no longer did. And even now, completely of sober mind, I still have a voice in my head (not a literal voice, just a thought
) thinking this could be real and I'm in some test. Is this normal with DMT? Another time I smoked less than 15mg of DMT and had a similar experience, where I feel like all my friends, fiance, family are in on some big secret.I've also had a similar experience on a fairly high dose 4-AcO-DMT, where my fiance had gone crazy (not able to talk w ell anymore, another schizo worry of mine haha). She told me she was pregnant (with the earth, i didn't know that though) and I thought all my friends knew, my dad, and it was the secret of life to have a child. This one was more of just a strong trip though.
If this is normal of DMT, could this just be PTSD and OCD (my doctor thinks I have ocd, due to me compulsively checking the size of my lymph nodes [they were swallon]) making me create insane thoughts even though I know they aren't real? Remember, I'm not thinking about any of this at all when this happens.
Anyway, the reason this bothers me at the moment, is I haven't tripped in like 6 months (besides very low dose 2c-c twice), and I feel like my ego is getting a bit big, as I said been a bit irritable and angry towards my fiance, feeling a bit too cool %). We used to have very special, amazing, romantic mescaline trips (Peruvian torch-- about 25 grams) that used to help us out a lot. Mescaline has never done anything bad to us, never had an anxious trip, etc. I've had edgy acid trips, but no bad ones. She's had a bad acid trip. My recent 2c-c trips have been great (besides a bit of anxiety). I've never had these crazy thoughts at all while tripping (not that I noticed), besides on DMT. However, I haven't tripped in a long time and I also don't think pot was always like this for me, I think I used to just get normal highs. I'd really like to take some low dose LSD (half a very potent hit), or about 25 grams of Peruvian torch because I think if this is just anxiety/PTSD I can get past it with these. I'm worried if this is DP/DR (depersonalization/derealization) from HPPD (not sure if I have this, I'm having a good time living 75-85% of the time), OR developmental schizophrenia these could exasperate it too much.
Sorry for jumping around so much, but please give me your words of wisdom
What does PD think?
, pm me if you want to talk.