Prologue .. #2

I realise it is not Tuesday yet, but I need to vent out a bit.
Well, I am an absolute mess right now, haven't slept in five nights.
I've been doing it hard because I want to really get fucked up before I stop, but I am going loony instead.
Paranoia and just over-all craziness started last night..
My problem is I am alone. I get so down whilst alone, I will cry for nothing, just non-stop.
I am so so high..absolutely flying, but I am not happy.
Six years, I have done this every single day. I am NEVER not on it whilst I am awake..and if I am then guaranteed I am on my way to go and obtain some.
All I have been doing is crying, the end is near, and soon it shall be here.
Sorry everyone usually I am not so down! Usually an upbeat happy person, but right now I am finding it hard, but that is to be expected.

I had my family Christmas party today. I went flying of course, my grandmother doesn't remember my name due to illness, it broke my heart when she asked who I was.

I'm starting to doubt myself a lot..but I think maybe I just need to sleep, give myself a break, for then I will go the longest I have without meth. My longest awake whilst not on it is 4 hrs, max. That is just the definition of SAD!!!!!!!!!!
So any longer than that will be an achievement.
I'm starting to look back on my usage, I have devoted my life to a little white powder when I could have accomplished something worthwhile .. then I wouldn't be here complaining to nobody ..
Ah if only if only, truth is I can't change it..
Best I can do is PICK MYSELF THE FUCK UP AND GET ON WITH LIVING WITHOUT THIS !
I can do it, physically. Mentally, not so strong.
I keep dreaming of the pipe, watching the smoke swirl around and around in the bowl.. I see it in everything, the smoke swirling. Anything I look at I picture it. It has consumed me.
And I'm a fucking slave to it.

Take it easy keep it sleazy ,
Claire



It's the disease of the age
It's the disease that we crave
Alone at the end of the rave
We catch the last bus home

Corporate America wakes
Coffee republic and cakes
We open the latch on the gate
Of the hole that we call our home

Protect me from what I want...
Protect me protect me

Maybe we're victims of fate
Remember when we'd celebrate
We'd drink and get high until late
And now we're all alone

Wedding bells ain't gonna chime
With both of us guilty of crime
And both of us sentenced to time
And now we're all alone

Protect me from what I want...
Protect me protect me
Protect me from what I want...
Protect me protect me

 

Jeeze your starting to sound like my GF.. CHeer up dudette.

I hope everything works out for you. You seem like a cool person. Cute cat too. My cats really cute 2, his name is Minew(soo french i know)

 

yeah usually i am not so down!
ill be ok
ohhhh i love cats, i love them more than humans.

 

The road ahead will be a bumpy one but the one behind you is only but worse.

Keep looking and moving forward.

 

You may think me bold and brazen for saying this, but doin drugs rarely leads to a happy ending in the long run, usually jails, institutions, dereliction, and death. I never thought I'd quit the merry go round, but after 25 years I put down the needles and the pills and been clean for 2 years. I defo suggest you get enough sleep every night, as being up for days at a time leads to meth induced psychosis. If you ever wanna stop doin what you're doin, ask God to remove this obsession with drugs. I'm not a religious person, but He did it for me and I've been able to participate in loving relationships for the last 2 years I'd still be missing out on if I didn't get clean. Peace and God bless.

 

^ lol read my other blogs brother