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Project: Compiling a Grand List of Overused Drug Cliches

RaverMadness

RaverMadness

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Joined
Jun 11, 2000
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Location
Reno, NV USA
In the tradition of The Grand List of Overused Science Fiction Cliches and The Grand List of Fantasy Cliches, I'm compiling a big-ass list of cliched, hackneyed and tired portrayals of drugs, drug users and drug culture we've all seen in movies and TV programs. Read the links about for a bit of background and flavor, and feel free to chime in with whatevery you think is appropriate.

The Grand List of Overused Drug Cliches
(beta version)

1. You can always find a dealer when you need one, except when the plot calls for drugs to be unavailable.

2. Drug dealers spend most of their day standing on a street corner in a bad neighborhood, but rarely arouse suspicion this way.

3. Any drug is available for purchase on the street. Need some mescaline or ibogane or STP? No problem!

4. Any person with little or no training can synthesize any drug they want, as long as they have a kitchen full of makeshift lab equipment and a bunch of random household chemicals. Ventilation is never an issue. Chemists can use all the open flame they like even around highly flammable solvents and the lab will never catch fire or explode unless the plot calls for it.

5. All drug dealers will be in possession of a large wad of cash, usually bundled into neat little stacks of bills.

6. All drug dealers carry a handgun.

7. If a group of close friends all use hard drugs, one will overdose and die by the end of the movie, although the rest of his friends will rarely mention it.

8. Anyone who smokes marijuana for any length of time will advertise the fact they do so by wearing a tie-dyed shirt, driving a VW microbus and plastering their living space with images of pot leaves.

9. Drug dealers will hand out free drugs to ten-year-olds in the hopes of attracting new customers, regardless of expense or plausibility.

10. Any hallucinations will be complex and may involve inanimate object talking to you.

11. A character:
A. Is introduced to drugs by his friends,
B. Gets hooked,
C. Bottoms out,
D. Cleans up and leaves his friends following some personal revelation,
E. Does something with his life
Roughly in that order.

12. Ecstasy pills are roughly the size of a chewable 500 mg. Vitamin C tablet.

13. The first step to helping a friend get off drugs is to shove his face in front of a mirror and yell, "Look at yourself! Look at what you've become!"

14. Drugs that are supposed to be a white crystalline powder will look like a white crystalline powder, even if you buy them from a homeless guy who lives in the bathroom of a Greyhound bus terminal.

...that's what I have for now.
 
16. Using Opiates will immediately cause a person to nod into an unwakeable 'junk trance'.

17. The strength of an MDMA pill is determined by how many times you can hug the same person in an hour.

18. The point of a rave is to wave coloured sticks in the air.

19. It's irrelevant how much a street dealer makes per week...he will still always live in a shanty crack-house.

20. Poor quality cocaine doesn't exist...at least no-one will admit to having it.

21. Comparing a smaller than average ecstasy tablet to a 'tic-tac' is a perfectly apt description for inclusion at pillreports.com
 
22. If your pill doesn't test black for mdma, then your dealer will be more than happy to refund it.

23. The Green Rolex's found in Copenhagen 1972, must be from the same press as the Green Rolex's that appeared in Sydney in 2003.
 
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23. Parents don't recognize signs of drug use in their teenage children until the child in question is a full-blown crack fiend.

24. Wealthy drug lords regularly invite low-level street thugs into their mansions just to show off their stereo equipment.

25. When giving drugs to another person in public, it must be done with a fake handshake.

26. Anyone involved with drugs will speak in complicated slang terms which become apparent once you start using drugs. No dealer or user will become confused when someone else starts using terms like "Santa Claus" or "liquid sky".

27. Drug dealers can be recognized by their excessive jewelry and gold teeth.

28. When a sober person walks into a rave, they have to make some sad, poignant comment about the youth of today.
 
29. The only way people can afford drugs is through theft or prostitution.

30. Everyone carries with them all the supplies they need to use drugs, and never have to do a line off the back of a toilet.

31. Any addict in a relationship will always try to get their partner addicted.

32. The ideal drug customer is your average teenager attending high school. They have limitless amounts of money and no will notice if they're high.

33. Drug users will construct elaborate hiding places for their stash, only to have a bag of weed fall out of their jacket while they're talking to a cop.
 
34. All drug dealers are either black or Italian or Columbian

35. Your Mum will always have some valium in her room or handbag.

36. Marijuana is a "hard drug"

37. You can easily work your way to the top of a cartel

38. Drug dealers are really quite dumb
 
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39. Drug dealers either wear an expensive suit or a hessian sack. Either way, they stick out like a sore thumb in society.

40. All drug traffikers look like terrorists and sweat profusely while checking their bags in at the airport.

41. All junkie's will spend millions of dollars on smack, but won't pay the $50 required to re-connect their gas. (The fact that they have no gas/electricity is a cliche in itself).

42. Rubbing Coke on your teeth is an indication of quality. (this ones probably true, but i've never seen anyone do it in real life).

43. 500 cops and 20 sniffer dogs can't apprehend a well-known drug dealer. Yet a retired 'rogue' cop is able to bring the dealer and his multi-billion operation down within 90 minutes...and still have enough time for one-liners.

44. If a drug user runs out of money while his parents are at work, he will always steal his most prized family heirloom or mums expensive jewellery to get a fix (generally the bling is instantly valued exactly by the dealer-cum-jeweller, and it can be traded for crack). The parents will be 'dissapointed, rather than angry'. Later on, the expensive item is re-purchased by the rehabilitated son, using money he made helping old grannys across the street and is presented to the mum as a birthday present.

v v v v Sure :)
 
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34. Drug use is a constant downward spiral. There's no turning back!

35. Drug addicts are consumed and the drug is now in control. You begin to wonder how much your grandmother's kidney would sell for on the street.

36. Try it once and you're hooked. Once the rush of infinite orgasms has been experienced, life no longer has anything better to offer.
 
49. People (usually younger) smoke some weed and spend the next two hours sitting in one place laughing retardedly about meaningless things.

50. Stoners are always in awe of a lava lamp or winamp visualization.

51. Speed users are constantly shifting, licking, biting, twitching, fidgeting whatever and can not keep still for a second no matter what.

52. Crackheads / Cranksters are always toothless, skinny, and dirty as hell.

53. Street dope is always of same quality, unless noted otherwise. A bag of dope from dealer A gives the exact same effect as a bag from dealer B.

54. Tolerance only sets in after months of use, not weeks or even days.
 
55. Dealers commonly work nights as a pimp.

56. Dealers think that grade schoolers are the best customers and hang out at schools because the kids get so much lunch money from their parents.

57. The 'bad guy' you smoked weed with in ninth grade is eventually going to kill your family.

58. Everyone who likes lsd, also knows the secrets of the universe and attempts to explain them in complex terms to others.

59. Your mum sends you to rehab when she finds a ciggarette butt in your shorts pocket.

60. Your weed is exactly the same stuff as in High Times.

61. Online chem suppliers never rip anyone off.

62. I had this pill, i danced all night, talked to everybody, couldnt sleep for 24 hours and didnt get eye-wobbles...it was sick mdma.

63. Recipes on Totse are a viable means of learning how to cook amphetamines.

64. Being caught for possession and then being compared to the worst case scenario drug addict who killed his own mum for $2.

65. No-one at 7-11 actually know's your stoned when you spend an hour deliberating over your chips+drink+chocalate bar combo ;)

oops, just realised i strayed off course a little bit
 
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70. Stoners are all morons who'll end up working at a gas station.

71. Weed is a gateway drug.
 
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