<Post Written Poetry>

[<Third_Eye_Lasik>]

Here is a little ditty for the ages I jotted down from blue on white.
Hope you all enjoy! Please be gentile, I know it is
not very good, but here this piece of shit goes:


To An Icelandic Princess

A pitch black sky and everyone's turned in
A cricket chirps the only sound that's heard
but for this one man sleep may not begin
until he's hung upon her every word.


This Icelandic Princess he's been talking to
Through telephone wires 'till hours of the morn
She holds his heart as lovers tightly do
And dares not let it go 'till night be down


At longest last the the lovers' call must end
a conversation stretched over many hours
but they yearn to do this all again
experience directly cupid's powers


That man reflects and slowly drifts to sleep
His Icelandic Princess haunts his dreams so deep.

Confused Love,


J/K

 

[Jabberwocky]

First i wanted to start off with my standard statement. People treat you and through you your works by how you tell them to treat them before discerning if it is good. If you tell someone something is a piece of shit then it will predispose them to think that as well. Confidence in ones ability is a hard earned war but in doing so we get genuine responses for our works instead of either guilt written replies or predisposed replies.

Now on to the poem:

I really enjoyed it. you used an old rhyming scheme that was popular in medieval times which i think worked here even in mixing old terminology with modern technology i.e. ice queen and telephone. I enjoyed this poem for its simplicity and classic romanticism.

One criticism and one question. The poem flows smoothly through out except for the line

"And dares not let it go 'till night be down". Also the line itself does not hold to the romantic imagery. Other than that the poem was fantastic. The question i have is to why you concluded it with "confused love j/k" was this written to someone?


I look forward to reading more of your work.

 

[<Third_Eye_Lasik>]

Please keep in mind I am a tad timid, as that
someone's oppinion I hold dear to my heart said that I was comming accross as Fagmatic in my approach. I mean how dare him, Fagmatic?

Whatever that means.

Feedback?

 

[Jabberwocky]

feedback: you should either get better friends or stop trusting their opinion and made up words.