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Anaconda (Educational Parody)

The anaconda grow, the anaconda grow
The anaconda grow up to a quarter ton, hun

The green anaconda lives in the Amazona
And the Orinoco rainforest in South America
They live in swamps and marshes
And slow-movement streams
And they're the largest reptile when measured by weight
Now they're real, real, real
Eat pigs and birds and other rep-ti-illes
And larger ones can even prey on tapirs
And capybara and even small dear
This is a dope snake!

By the way
Seven days
That's how often they need to have a meal
Wrap around their prey and squeeze so hard to kill
On land they got no skill
But their swimming is trill
Underwater concealed
But you see their nostrils
Scientific name: Eunectes murinus
In 1758, named by Carl Linnaeus
Ssssssss

Oh my god, thirty feet long
Oh my god, primarily nocturnal
Oh my god, found in Ecuador
Found in Ecuador
Found in - Found in Ecuador

The male anaconda is a similar colour
But sexual dimorphism means they're much smaller
Mating in the rainy season from April to May
Females laying down the pheromones to summon a mate
And they bang, bang, bang
Males come running and they com-pe-tang
Press they cloaca up against her thang
Only the winner gets to cop-u-late
It's called a breeding ball

By the way
The one who mates
He ain't even gonna live another day
When the female eats him and slithers away
Digesting his body while making those eggs
It's a long wait
Half a year to gestate
Oviparous give birth to live young
And by the way they smell with their tongue
 
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I wish I had one good reason why I should stay
How'd I get myself into this place?
I wish I had qualities like sympathy,
Fidelity, sobriety, sincerity, humility
Instead I got lunacy

I wish I could fit myself in my pocket
And tie myself to a rocket
And send myself to outer space
I wish I had a different face

I wish I had one good reason why I should stay
How'd I get myself into this place?
I wish my life was a little less seedy
Why am I always so greedy?
Wish I looked just like Cheryl Tweedy
(I know I never will, I know I never will)
I wish my life was not boring
Every weekend fall to the flooring
Don't get me started on Monday morning
Get with the other girl, get with the other girl

I wish I had one good reason why I should stay
How'd I get myself into this place?
I wish I could apologise, be dignified
I wish I could look you in the eye
And tell you that I never lied
I wish that I could stop the cries

Don't wake me up today
Under my duvet's where I wanna stay
Don't wanna come out to play
Doesn't matter what you say anyway, anyway

I wish my life was a little less seedy
Why am I always so greedy?
Wish I looked just like Cheryl Tweedy
(I know I never will, I know I never will)
I wish my life was not so boring
Every weekend, fall to the flooring
Don't get me started on Monday morning
Get with the other girl, get with the other girl

Oh, I wish I didn't smoke so many cigarettes
Another programme on antiques on the TV set
Wish I had blonde hair, wish I had green eyes
So many things about myself that I despise
So many things about my life that I despise
(I wish my life was a little less seedy)
So many things that I despise
(I wish my life was a little less seedy)
So many things that I despise

Felt, like I was in a long, dark tunnel
Felt, like I was in a long, dark tunnel
 
Rose Tint My World

It was great when it all began
I was a regular Frankie fan
But it was over when he had the plan
To start a-working on a muscle man
Now the only thing that gives me hope
Is my love of a certain dope
Rose tints my world, keeps me safe from my trouble and pain

I'm just seven hours old
Truly beautiful to behold
And somebody should be told
My libido hasn't been controlled
Now the only thing I've come to trust
Is an orgasmic rush of lust
Rose tints my world and keeps me safe from my troubles and pain

It's beyond me
Help me, mommy
I'll be good, you'll see
Take this dream away
What's this? Let's see
Ahh, I feel sexy
What's come over me?
Whoah, here it comes again
(yeah, yeahh)

Ohh, I feel released
Bad times deceased
My confidence ha increased
Reality is here
The game has been disbanded
My mind has been expanded
It's a gas that Frank has landed
His lust is so sincere

Whatever happened to Fay Wray?
That delicate satin-draped frame
As it clung to her thigh
How I started to cry
Because I wanted to be dressed just the same
Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can't you just see it?
Whoahhhh

Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it
It's beyond me, help me mommy
God bless Lili St. Cyr

My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
My, my, my, my, my, my
I'm a wild and an untamed thing
I'm a bee with a deadly sting
You get a hit and your mind goes ping
You're heart'll thump and your blood will sing
So let the party and the sound rock on
We're gonna shake it til the light has gone
Rose tints my world and keeps me safe from my trouble and pain
We're a wild and an untamed thing
We're a bee with a deadly sting
You get a hit and your mind goes ping
Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing
So let the party and the song rock on
We're gonna shake it til the light has gone
Rose tints my world and keeps me safe from my trouble and pain
We're a wild and an untamed thing
We're a bee with a deadly sting
You get a hit and your mind goes ping
Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing
So let the party and the song rock on
We're gonna shake it til the light has gone
Rose tints my world and keeps me safe from my trouble and pain
 
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there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do
you?

Charles Bukowski - Bluebird.
 
“If you don’t want a man unhappy politically, don’t give him two sides to a question to worry him; give him one. Better yet, give him none. Let him forget there is such a thing as war. If the government is inefficient, top-heavy, and tax-mad, better it be all those than that people worry over it. Peace, Montag. Give the people contests they win by remembering the words to more popular songs or the names of state capitals or how much corn Iowa grew last year. Cram them full of noncombustible data, chock them so damned full of ‘facts’ they feel stuffed, but absolutely ‘brilliant’ with information. Then they’ll feel they’re thinking, they’ll get a sense of motion without moving. And they’ll be happy, because facts of that sort don’t change.”

~Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451, about censorship
 
Can't turn aluminium into gold but I don't know...about your former proposition?! Given the realities I would presume you are wrong in purporting that. I think Ice T would agree. 😉
 
Times have changed
And we've often re-wound the clock
Since the Puritans got a shock
When they landed on Plymouth rock
If today
Any shock they should try to stem
Instead of landing on Plymouth rock
Plymouth rock would land on them

In olden days, a glimpse of stocking
Was looked upon as something shocking
But now, God knows
Anything goes
Good authors, too, who once knew better words
Now only use four-letter words
Writing prose
Anything goes

If driving fast cars you like
If low bars you like
If old hymns you like
If bare limbs you like
If Mae West you like
Or me undressed, you like
Well, nobody will oppose
And though I'm not a great romancer
You know I'm bound to answer
When you propose
Anything goes

When every night the set that's smartest
Is introduced at nudist parties
In studio's
Anything goes
When Missus Ned McLean (God bless her)
Could get the Russian Reds to "yes" her
Then I suppose
Anything goes
When Rockerfeller can still be hoardin'
Enough money to let Max Gordon
Produce his shows
Anything goes

The world's gone mad today
And good's bad today
And black's white today
And day's night today
And that gent today
You gave a cent today
Once had several Chateau
When folks who still can ride in jitneys
Find out Vanderbilts and Whitneys
Lack baby clothes
Anything goes

When grandmama whose age is eighty
In nightclubs is getting matey
With gigolos
Anything goes
When mothers pack and leave poor father
Because they decide they'd rather
Date Tennis pro's
Anything goes

Just think of those shocks you've got
Of those knocks you've got
And those blues you've got
From those news you've got
And those pains you've got
(If any brains you've got)
From those radios
Anything goes
 
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