Post-Intelligentsian Gentled-Man

[IXinX]

Oh, how contrite
That now i feel
the celibate celiBITE.
Self-imposed;
What a fright!

I bestow upon you a skill
that sets you apart
despite your will

Like no other you are...

No solace to be found
in mother,
in another,
in a lover....

You are apart
For you there is only the brothers.
A fraternity
for disparate eternity
bound only by shared non-conformity;
disregard for disrepute

A fetish to convolute


something i wrote in homage to the great artistic geniuses that shaped me.

criticize at will

 

[froggygirl]

I like it! It made me smile! It's something that would be good to music. Very well written

 

[window licker]

...How very verbose of you.........IXin my friend......I especialy liked the word convoluted...for some unknown reason it one of my favourite words........see if you can guess who this is?

 

[RareForm]

I liked it alot, i thought it was very intellegint...great word usage..

I also like the word convolute.....

I would definitely like see some more of your work...

BTW, I really like your avatar..what is it?

 

[IXinX]

why thankyou for the glowing praise. and rare form i will definately be posting up more of my work!
Convolution is my fetish

and that avatar is a resized/edited scan of a CT section x ray of my brain
its evil!

 

[froggygirl]

That's a freaking cool picture. I want x-ray of my brain! And again, you're a great writer Hehe

 

[mealltach]

You asked for crit, so i'll give you a bit.

window licker (aphex twin?) said it was "verbose," and i agree. It's wordy. While i think that language is sooo much fun to play with - which of course is why writing poetry rocks so much - i think you could tone it down a bit.

I think poetry is most effective when it seems natural, but that's just me. That being said, i like this piece. It's clever (the celibate-bite thing is great, i giggled ) and playful.