Ahh yeah i thought so, i keep it to myself because of stuff like that too, which sucks because it basically stumps what therapy could do for me.
And you need to keep telling yourself these things. Don't let these slip-ups take you back to square one. You're already aware you're doing it. Believe me, I understand. I'm going through the same thing right now. I fell back severely in my recovery and am drinking alcohol and heavily using 7-hydroxymitragynine after over 10 years of solely managed kratom and gabapentin for medical purposes. I do not blame you for your lack of honesty with your healthcare provider, especially if you're in the UK (?). It's a hard game you're all forced to play over there and it isn't fair. Apologies if you're not there. Hang in there, man. Your writing is phenomenal. Don't hate yourself, don't bully yourself, don't beat yourself up. You got this, you don't have to be perfect all the time. Mistakes are always going to happen whether you've got a day or a decade or ten, because it is just how we are programmed. And BL is always here for you, obviously. Shoot me a message whenever.
May I ask what happened with these 2 incidents? Just curious. Hospital trips?
I'm in a similar situation. I've been juggling between subs and 7oh. I want to get off soon, and I only have 7 doses of subs left or else I have to find more. I feel like 7oh would be easier to get off, but the urge to abuse it instead of taper is difficult and its less smooth than subs.