Positive attitude bothering others

[Paralogic]

My positive attitude seems to be revealing some negative attitudes with the people around me (just pushing the asshole meter up a notch). I dont think its an uncommon scenario for one to have dissonant feelings when theres someone exceptionally happy around. The worst are the people that just cant stand being around someone even remotely happy. I know I get a little weird sometimes, honestly I feel like the internet is just my playground and I just love to act like a child here (Im workin on it so dont yell at me, im 19). When im out its different and I dont jump on the backs of strangers. At times my cheeryness isnt soo excessive, but when it becomes a little too much I dont think its to the point where it annoys people. Theres no pretentiousness in my diction (LOL ok ill be serious), I feel like im very good at avoiding condescendence, or just plain doing or saying anything (not typing hehe) that would bother someone else. I rarely talk about the whole psychic-ish thing which I know would bother my more conservative group of friends, and even when I do its very subtle and not something I try to cram into a 5 minute trap (I do that to my parents :D). Still, people will just start criticizing me (semi-passive suggestion) almost intentionally so they could see me cry or somthin.

This positive mindset that came out of nowhere is nothing more than a retrieval of memory; during my whole legal thing I thought I pretty much had no identity and my true self was sitting in that jail cell sleeping most of the day and my body was doomed to live the life of a deadbeat 30yr old begger. People remember me when I used to be confident and just plain happy, but over time I just realized there were actually people around me that seeked to gain out of my suffering. I avoid those types, but the ones I knew were loyal and loving seem to exude a negative attitude towards my positivity like its an itch everyone has to scratch (I can sort of admit to this too, especially when people win money or candy in front of me). Has anyone else experienced this sort of thing in social situations during ones more desirable mood fluctuation?....PLUR

 

[mariacallas]

Hehe your post made me smile .
I'm very positive and more optimistic than most....(I'm also an Enneagram 7 but that is another topic altogether...) Even if I'm usually upbeat and cheerful, I also have my moods and as I grew up and matured I learned that sometimes it's okay not to be constantly happy or sanguine more so when its what people expect from you all the time.Just be yourself, OP, that's all that matters.

People remember me when I used to be confident and just plain happy, but over time I just realized there were actually people around me that seeked to gain out of my suffering. I avoid those types, but the ones I knew were loyal and loving seem to exude a negative attitude towards my positivity like its an itch everyone has to scratch

lol maybe because it seems like nothing bothers you and you're such a good sport which is why your friends keep trying to break your back I've seen it happen lotsa times and I've been guilty of doing that too but its all in good fun, nothing malicious or spiteful. If they are your real friends and it doesnt bother you than its nothing to worry about. But like you said, as much as possible I try to stay away or avoid constantly negative people or environments. Insincere people who are out to benefit from your discomfort or suffering are a waste of time, energy and space. (who likes that kind of company anyway? oh yeah I know....drama queens et al. ).

I'm rambling. I'm not sure if your post is suitable for Healthy Living so if you want it moved (to TDS or P&S where you can get more replies) I'll do so.

Peace

 

[pennywise]

Sometimes people get bothered not so much from a positive attitude, but from a sense that you are trying to push your positive attitude on others. People in a good mood sometimes seem inclined to spread their good mood to others around them, and people can be resentful if they think you are trying to interfere with their mood, what they may see as their right to be miserable if they want.

Try keeping your happiness a bit more to yourself when you are around those who don't appreciate it. Just enjoy it and let them be miserable if they wish. Sometimes people need to be in a bad mood to work through their own feelings.

 

[doesntmatter]

Unfortunately as the popularity of mass media rose, so did peoples ideas of how life "should" be.

Now people expect to be happy all of the time, and if they're not, somethings wrong and needs to be fixed.

Brings to mind the scene in Donnie Darko where the children are asked to place a description of an event into one of two categories, love or fear. Seems like a lot of people think that humans are supposed to be happy at all times.

Don't take this wrong however as its not really responding to your exact position, a positive attitude is completely different and I'd consider a great attribute to have. Your post just kind of led me to make that point.

 

[yougene]

Anytime there is an emotional charge involved, a psychological projection isn't too far away. For whatever reason alot of us repress our positivity as a defense mechanism.

 

[Will01996]

I work in an environment where telling a woman "you look really pissy today" is considered a compliment.

No Shit -- Last week as one of the women walked past my door, another woman said, "you look really pissy today, is anything wrong?". The recipient of that comment said, why thank you. No, nothing is wrong, I just hate this place" (work).

Another frequent comment is, "I have to have some Midol".

When I quit, I want to wear a T-shirt that says, "PMS is in your imangination".

I am overly cheerful sometimes.

Willie

 

[Paralogic]

Anytime there is an emotional charge involved, a psychological projection isn't too far away. For whatever reason alot of us repress our positivity as a defense mechanism.

Projection is one of the things that I try to be most careful about because I have had encounters (related) with people that make masterpiece out of their negative projection (meaning the words I used to describe myself in the past were the same words other shitheads used to describe me, very negative). I project a positive attitude on those that enjoy it, and it makes me feel good to see my old friends that stood by me reach for the fruit and leave the candy for me to eat instead of how others used to just stuff their mouths and laugh about eating all my food. The whole repression thing before this mindset had something more to do with accepting something thats awkward in a way (or as we are taught to see it today); the awkwardness of my positivity is sometimes hard to control in terms of projection but I try to be around people that understand it to a point (or induce it with gifts that teach like movies and etc.) and I also dont try to deceive anyones mentality through this projection. Its a great tool nonetheless, but too many people take advantage of projection without knowing what the word means (a common one is insecurity, and our economic and social conditions at the moment can reflect this to an extent).

 

[yougene]

I think we might be using the world projection in slightly different although related ways. I think you're using projection to describe the vibe or atmosphere we give off.

Psychological projection is a defense mechanism. When there is an aspect of ourselves we find unacceptable or dangerous we try to repress it. Instead of owning this aspect we move it outside the 1st person boundary, onto 2nd person( other people ), and 3rd person( physical symptoms ). A projection can be identified by an unreasonable emotional charge. Psychological projections do give off a vibe that can be picked up in the collective space, so the two concepts are inter-related. Also people can have collective repressions through common cultural experiences.

By being positive you are opening yourself to the world. This is a vulnerable( but satisfying ) position to take.

When people lash out at you for being positive, they are also lashing out at themselves( which is being projected onto you ).

 

[swilow]

I just seem to make people uncomfortable....

 

[chicpoena]

People don't like it when they're brought face to face with their own negativity. Their reaction is not a reflection on you, it a reflection on them. It is a sad sad world we live in when spreading positive energy can rub people the wrong way. I don't know you or see how you interact with people but I agree with PW that if there is a proselytizing aspect of your behavior that's probably what people don't like, and not necessarily your positive attitude.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I've run into this. I've learned to become more reserved around people in general. Its hard though, since I am naturally very ebullient and outgoing and full of energy. I become euphoric during my day to day activities since I just love being alive and interacting with people in a positive way.

Negative folks dislike this as you've observed.

However, I don't think its entirely their fault like chicpoena says above. Partially I blame myself for not being wise enough to be reserved sometimes and quiet.

Learning to be happy but still centered within yourself is a process that takes time.

Channel that euphoria and positivity you feel toward something/someone productive.

Find people that are positive and surround yourself with them.

Its a tall order but we're taller.

We can do it!

peace and love,
samadhi

 

[Jabberwocky]

bump, any more thoughts? This is something I've still been thinking about a lot.

 

[Paralogic]

People don't like it when they're brought face to face with their own negativity. Their reaction is not a reflection on you, it a reflection on them. It is a sad sad world we live in when spreading positive energy can rub people the wrong way. I don't know you or see how you interact with people but I agree with PW that if there is a proselytizing aspect of your behavior that's probably what people don't like, and not necessarily your positive attitude.

I agree that I have this evangelical nature to me. But since you (both) brought it up, ill tell you that its something about myself I really dislike because its something I inherited from my father (parents were psychologically abusive so you automatically have to feel bad for me). I dont know if I have the honor of saying so, but I think I am not as much of a proselyt (or watever, you made me get out a dictionary ) these days; especially with all the soberin up (kinda). I am totally against throwing the bible at people in general (and no I am not religious) because I know how it feels to pushed to believe something so I can make someone else feel good about themselves (philanthropy? or just selfish?). I dont have much to gain from people in general, thats either who I am (I guess to some of you that would be a loser) or something that I have learned. People dont like to give, and I know that; but I also understand why people would think I would want something in return (for ex. your trust, a facial expression, an agreement), it is only human but this is not what I have in mind. The reflection thing makes sense though, I just dont want to tear up my clothes and sprinkle dirt over mind head everytime I see someone I know (sucks, I think I need better friends). On the internet I may not be soo subtle in terms of my "proselytizing" attitude, but around people I hardly make any direct suggestions for lifestyles(sorry if I bothered ya b4, ur cool tho ). And around people, I rarely say PLUR . I am just really comfortable on the net, I can act like the biggest loon and I wont have to feel bad about it because no one is throwing eggs at me. If I wanted you to believe in something I believed (not on the internet), I would hand you Nas - Illmatic and tell you its gospel. Thats my new style, im sorry to be a proselyt again but I really think that God or whatever higher power is in your art, if I push eccentricity on anyone its only out of love (parent/child ego).