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Poly-drug MEGA-Thread: If you abuse all kinds of drugs, check in here!

Oh, stardust, that must have been so hard. I am amazed by how strong you are and I know that your strength comes from knowing how weakness lurks right around the corner. You may feel helpless but when your craving subsides, take a minute and congratulate yourself that you are anything BUT helpless. Hang in there. Every day sober is one more day away from these trials.<3
 
Stay strong Stardust <3
I know exactly what it is like to fold so easily.
As temptations & jealousy arise i literally need to force myself into remembering how worse i feel when i actually do cave in.
Each time we dodge a bullet we gain loads of strength. We need to put that strength in some sort of piggy strength bank and let it grow<3
 
Wow guys, thanks so much. The cravings did pass. I am feeling a lot better. Thank you so so much it means so much to me to have you guys here as friends. I don't feel any stronger, but I can only hope I can build off these experiences and one day soon I won't be as weak to it anymore.

<3<3<3 You guys are so amazing and mean so much to me.
 
stardust.hero said:
Wow guys, thanks so much. The cravings did pass. I am feeling a lot better. Thank you so so much it means so much to me to have you guys here as friends. I don't feel any stronger, but I can only hope I can build off these experiences and one day soon I won't be as weak to it anymore.

<3<3<3 You guys are so amazing and mean so much to me.
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I really feel for you. I had strong urges this weekend, too, the first time in 2 monthos I think. But you can consider it as strong that you tricked the little devil inside your brain by talking about your cravings. At least for me, that is the hardest step in overcoming cravings.
 
I haven't had a strong one like this in probably two months also. I am so thankful I had that cushion of a new area and no contacts to back me up last night because if not I surely would have given in without a doubt. I would have been one sad girl this morning.

You think talking about it out loud (or through text) helps to curb it faster? That actually does make sense. This was actually the first time I actively did it when I had a craving. It seemed to work out pretty well. It was only probably 5-10 minutes of absolute panic and helplessness as I searched for way to comfort myself. (smoking cigs, trying to find alcohol, trying to brainstorm other things that would make it stop) It wasn't that bad at all now that I look back on it. If I can just remember that it didn't last that long and that I was basically fine afterwards maybe that will build strength in fighting it "in the moment".

<3 Thanks
 
Way to stay strong stardust, that took an enormous amount of willpower and you should be very proud.

I'm 33 days clean off of a serious Opana habit today and I can certainly relate to startdusts pain. It took a while for cravings to set in for me, but in my town I face my drug of choice daily. People offer me them, do them around me, or even try to give it to me for free. I guess they miss their junky buddy or something. I usually get myself out of these situations as fast as possible, but it still puts me in a funk for a few days. Some of these people aren't the assholes I make them out to be, they're just sick like I was.

I hadn't really craved even in the face of my drug until today. I woke up and it was an all consuming thought. My mind was trying to rationalize how I've "earned" one of these for being so good. I pounded my head against a wall (not literally) until the thoughts subsided. I knew that my mind was lying to me, it's done it before. I'm still not in a good mood but I'm still clean so at least I have that. 33 days...33 days... just have to keep telling myself that.
 
Strong urges returned tonight. I had a really really disappointing "night" out with some friends. They went home fuckin early and I had to wait half an hour at the station for my train. Ten kinutes by feet from there is the place I copped at the last time I relapsed. Got a lot of money at the bank right now so the addict in me started talking"come on, it's so convenient, just 30€and you can nod out blissfully on your couch tonight.. you have no obligations tomorrow, it would fit in sowell. Just a little relief from your fucked up loneliness." The only thought that kept me from givibg in was that I would wake up tomorrow, self-loathing and insecure and still lonely. The only thing that changed was a drugged out night and 30€ less on my account. Better endure the pain and fight for better times.
I'm really glad I'm sitting in the train now cause the brown is still heavy on my mind.
 
Oh, Vanweyden, way to go! That must have been really hard but you did it!:)<3
 
Yes, I'm a bit proud of me, thank you :). Spent an hour over at my flatmates room, we smoked some cigs and bitched about how our lives suck. That really leveled it out. However, I have to be attentive. I craved oftenly the last days and I'm sure that won't subside soon. We addicts are the most conservative people in the world... A few idle days and unsteady uni day routines knock me down so hard, along with the other issues I've been dealing with in the last months.
 
Thanks FRF <3 you are doing awesome yourself. I give you so much credit for still being exposed to it. That take so much willpower.

And Van it is so hard :( I am so proud of you too! Having the money and also the opening and all after a bummer night, that was tough. But you did it :)!
 
I got my 60 day tag recently and feel pretty proud of myself. Then Easter weekend hit and crippled me. I, too, felt tremendous cravings this past weekend. Possibly because of holidays being a big trigger? All I know is that opiates/opioids WILL destroy everything I have rebuilt in the past few months. You got this stardust, we can all do it. Remember the pain and suffering you went through, imagine how you would have felt after the fact if you did give in to the temptations (not the band =P). You might not have made it out alive if you did cave in, its a sad but true statement that relapse could lead to death. My last major relapse involved a big unintentional shot of mostly fent (supposed to be H) and nearly put me in the ground for good. My ex revived me with a hefty naloxone shot and I was scared shitless. Don't take the risk if you don't have to. Best wishes to everyone here, I got lots of love for everyone here, especially the TDS people who are going through some tough times and for those assisting us. =)
 
Wow 60 days <3 that is so great. You are actively going through a program? You mentioned chip, so I am assuming AA/NA? Or do you just attend but aren't working the steps?

You are so right. Opiates will destroy everything we have come so far and through so much struggles to achieve.

<3 Good work today guise. <3<3<3 Lots of love to you alls.
 
Yep, I'm an NA junkie now =D I actually will have to start working the steps soon because drug court is going to mandate meetings for me to attend so I might as well get the most out of the program I can, but not overdo it and get burnt out. Last time I over did it I ended up saying "screw it" and cashed a $500 pay check for a binge, and that binge ended about 6 months later and me being on drug court now =P I get poppy fever occasionally but I know NOTHING I put into my body will make things better.
 
stardust.hero said:
You think talking about it out loud (or through text) helps to curb it faster? That actually does make sense. This was actually the first time I actively did it when I had a craving. It seemed to work out pretty well. It was only probably 5-10 minutes of absolute panic and helplessness as I searched for way to comfort myself. (smoking cigs, trying to find alcohol, trying to brainstorm other things that would make it stop) It wasn't that bad at all now that I look back on it. If I can just remember that it didn't last that long and that I was basically fine afterwards maybe that will build strength in fighting it "in the moment".

<3 Thanks
Click to expand...

I find it immensely helpful. Whenever I crave I jsut send a text message to a friend from my support group, seh texts back or we talk a bit and that really takes the edge off. It keeps my thoughts associated with cravings from getting out of control, like the "tunnel vision" or the feelings of guilt that I get sometimes, and helps me to start dealing with the underlying issues.
 
I have to agree with that one.
Having someone on the other end to give a little nudge when in desperate times can take a whole lot of edge off ones mind.
It is one of my strongest tools when battling things like cravings.
But I do suppose it probably isnt that easy for some people who are real deep in the rabbit hole..
Still, a helping hand is a very strong and useful tool, which should be used to ones advantage at any needy time.
<3
 
Yes Sir, it took quite a while for me to admit cravings. I always felt guilty because of them and basically had no one who would understand. A panicking girlfriend or advice like "Just stop thinking about it!" weren't too helpful.
 
Yeah same here. I couldn't even talk to my girlfriend about my cravings.. I always thought she would judge me for the worse.
But recently I've opened up and started using her as that shoulder to lean on. I have to say, as hard as it is, she really helps keep me on the ground. The more I hide my cravings and use, the further it escalates and I just end up spiraling backwards :(
 
I find that this is even true about other things that we feel compelled to keep secret. The minute you confide whatever it is that you felt was shameful, it loses so much of it's power over you.
 
I've been a poly-drug abuser since highschool, started out with alcohol, pot and cigs like most of my peers, and amazingly never took anything else until I broke off university in my mid-twenties. Was close to being an alcoholic then, until I discovered opiates, which completely curbed my desire to drink, even if only taken every few months when I could get them. I still smoked pot like it was going out of style though (hence dropping out of uni.)

I went a bit overboard with other stuff as well (DXM, DPH, MXE), but strangely enough never tried real psychs. After that, the opiates took their real hold on me.

Since then, I had several H habits, some more severe than others, and picked up a diazepam dependence on the way. Currently in WD again and tapering the benzos, I'm at 20mg atm, tried CT but can't afford to be a total wreck for weeks on end. At least with opiates, I can still work thanks to Subutex, Kratom and loperamide (not all at once of course!) and then slowly taper off that.

But it was always the combos that were best, especially with opiates. Never again though, this is the one class of substances I'll never touch again after this is through, I just can't control myself when it comes to H.
 
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