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plz b kind I need ur help..

sconnie420 said:
Knock..that's where I'm at also..I'm scared of a new start, but I have to keep an open optimistic mind or ill loose it myself..I've done fabulous today, no text messagine, and no real contact.. I wrote a goodbye letter and left it w my house key on the porch.it was heartbreaking , but a necessary part I think on moving forward.. sadly sti ll hope he comes back but one step at a time..I'm meeting w an old friend tonight so that'll b fun..
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&

Knock said:
You still don't get it though, I'm not "waiting", I broke up with my ex and tried to have a fresh start, it didn't work out. I am about to try another fresh start. However, for the moment, I keep an open mind.
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Me too, guys.

I don't know if I'm looking forward to getting back out there or dreading it. Either way its been a couple of months and I need to make a start soon.

I still send he odd text to the ex to see whats up. Never makes me feel any better. Either she doesn't reply and I feel like shit, or she does, and I feel like shit because of the content.

The breakup was a shame and its hard to let go, but anything else just hurts more.

Wish you all the best Sconnie420, at learning to appreciate your own company and freedom for a while. And Knock, may a squadron of beautiful vaginas find your crotch by days end.
 
Sunny_daze said:
Oh, have I been that girl...7 years "investing" in a man. I would give anything to talk to my 19 year old self, but here was what was clouding her mind:
1. He must really love me because at the end of the day, he comes back to me.
2. He's so smart, so full of potential, the only one who really understands me...and that's why it's worth the storm now.
3. What we have is different from what he has with other women, and he'll realize that, even if I have to physically scream it at him
4. There is no one who will ever make me feel this whole, this alive, this adored. And because of that I have to forgive his "indiscretions"

In my experience, looking back now, quitting a relationship like that is like quitting an addiction. I would do anything to get it back, my mind would race into territory I never thought I was capable of, and when I couldn't be with him it was like I was physically imploding. I'm not sure what triggered inside me to think "All this time I spend investing in someone else...imagine what could happen if I devoted just one year to me". So I did. I joked that I was dating myself (I bought me nice things, went to therapy, adopted a cat, went back to school for my masters). I must have done something very right because about a year later I did meet the man I'm going to marry.

At risk of sounding ridiculously cliche (I'm certain 19-26 year old me would have just eye rolled) you have to find love and respect for yourself first. I'm quite sure my fiancee now would never have given me more than a minute out of his life for me then, because he's a good man and wanted a woman to be his equal, not his project. There are no answers to behavior like his, none that you will accept and will make you feel better. I remember wanting closure, feeling like I was entitled to answers, but closure is more a process than an event. The hardest thing in the world you will have to do for yourself is accepting you'll never know why you weren't enough: pretty enough, smart enough, funny enough, dedicated enough. The triumph is looking back and being able to say HE wasn't enough. Try and forgive yourself for behavior that might churn your stomach. You have a lot of life left to live, and I can almost promise if you're able to stay away and date yourself for a while you might very well have this same conversation with another person who is sick with a broken heart. Much stranger things have happened :)
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great post
 
sconnie420 said:
I'm going to be leaving him alone..focus on myself and try and do things that willmake me happy...if he comes back cool, if not I have learned a very very hard lession...an old friend emaild me and he's going thru the same thing right now..we've been talking a lot which helps.. (just a friend, there will b no hooking up).. there will be no more contact on my part..there will be no more desperate aTtempts to get him back.
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^You got the right idea now. I was in a similar situation and I just let go of him and focused on me. I kept myself busy with work, started taking a deeper interest in my physical and mental well being. I even managed to make some really cool new friends. After a while it didn't hurt anymore and I started dating. Eventually, about six months later my ex contacted me and we were able to be friends. He even tried to get me back but, by this point I was actually happy with my new life and didn't need him. It will get better for you too.
 
Thnx hun for the encouraging words...today has been tough but I did make some smll progress.. I just hope the tears stop soon..my support system is like nil..I'm so old I dnt even know where to make new friends..I support system is something I'm I'm dire need of..I reconnected tonight w an old friend, but just cried th e whole way home..today has been a teary one. I hope this hurt goes away soon.
 
My town decent dudes r dime a dozen.. :/.. nt that I even want one right now..but I'm sure missing out on the summer lovin'...
 
Well I decided in lue of all my bs that has been going on, that I wanted to do something very positive and selfless...so today I became a bone marrow doner..feels good but ddoesnt take away the pain of my loss...one day at a tkme.. :) things will look up.. now m tossing up the idea of going on a date, but it mayb to soon..I wouldnt want to do anything to jeopardize any chance I may have, but idt he's coming back.. as much as I wish and hope he does, I need to try and move on until the time he does come back if at all...
 
I think becoming a bone marrow donor is a brave thing, I heard it's painful too. You shouldn't have to rush out and date if you're still longing to be with your ex-boyfriend. It might make you feel better though just to get out, not necessarily with a man.

Personally, I would feel leery if this guy wanted to get back together. Clearly he is dating someone else and has already moved on. He must know this is messing with your head and it's not fair to you. Why make someone your priority when you're just an option for him?
 
Ya I want to get out but my options are very limited..I dnt have many friends and fear I'm so old, idk how to make new ones..

Ya he's definitly moved on, he don't contact me anymore.plus w/ multiple dates ya its definite.but its not like he's playing mind games or anything, and I see ur point..idwb someone's option, I want someone who actually wants to be w/ me. For me its just hard to write him off bc of our time and the fact i know he does still have some kind of love for me (not enough to keep us together tho).if I love someone I'd do anything to keep that together, even if time seperated us, I'd always b willing to fight for it..I'm a romantic, to a fault, and a little nieve to the ways of love I guess. I've never had any kind of stable relationships to learn from tho.. parents divorced and noone to really show me what a "health relationship" should be.. even when my dad remarried and was dating his current wife, w all their problems, he never gave up on her..my mom split..
the only reason I was thinking about dating really is bc I think I'm going thru some sort of midlife crisis thing, I'm almost 30... I guess I'm just really ready to settle down w/ someone and eventually get married..the older I get, I feel like its going to be hard to find someone.. I'm really a good person, or so I try to be.
 
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Hi sconnie...
I'm sorry you are having to endure this pain. Nothing really compares. It's such a special pain, and nothing helps...nothing at all. But it goes away eventually. Really it does. Right now everything has lost it's colour, but this will pass. It always does. You're almost 30 and you feel old...this is a good example of how your vision is distorted. You are not old at all. You can not see your future. Don't believe what you think you can see...you will be fine. Time passes, it's the oldest trick in the book.
Look after yourself. This is the right time to be selfish. Do things that are good for you. Pamper yourself. The truth is you will get along just fine without him. Your feelings are not reliable. Feel them...yes, and be sure they will pass. Don't believe any of it. Our feelings are seasoned liars. You are going through a break-up. This is certainly a crisis. It will not destroy you. Everything will normalise in time. Your vision will become clear, your confidence will grow greatly, your ambitions for the future will change completely. Eventually you will look back on this without any strong feelings. These thoughts about not being able to find someone decent are typical for people who are in the midst of a break-up. This too is total non-sense. There are millions of good people looking for a partner, and there is a very good likely-hood for you to find someone...of course there is !!

For now you have no choice but to endure painful feelings. All this will heal completely. You will get through this. You will laugh and smile again. I believe this with all my heart.
Best wishes always.
 
I JUST went through this with my guy of 5 years. We broke up...and I said I wanted to work things out...he said he needed me to "give him time to process this." Fast forward to 3 months later...he's still processing. Now granted, I didn't sleep with him but it doesn't matter. RUN away. Notice I said RUN not WALK. He doesn't know what he wants, and he wont figure it out if you're still around. I think my guy was just using me for emotional support while he was dating other women. When I decided to run, he came around for a minute and tried to work it out...but that fire soon fizzled out. It devastated me so much that I started hooking up casually a guy friend of mine. I've never done that in my life....I always required a commitment. Anyways, I understand your pain and I empathize...because I'm going through the exact same situation right now. If you need any other advice or strength from someone going through the same thing...message me.

Let him go, girl. Trust me on this one.
 
So many wise words here.. and thank u everyone for your support...I've never been thru anuthjng like this before so its hard, but u all are right..I'm gna be selfish for a while take care of myself..ill b ok, w/ time..everyday is a little easier..the worst is when I wake up..idk y..ill pm u for sure 79. Its nice having someone to tt.
 
I can empathize with you. I found myself in the same situation, except the rolls were reversed. If I could change anything it would be to have not been seeing anyone else when we were trying to work things out. I think you should just be honest with him and tell him how you feel. If he listens, cares for your feelings then he will either realize how lucky he is to have someone love him as much as you do or he is going to continue doing what he is doing and later may/may not realize what he lost. I believe that if he loves you he will not want to hurt you anymore than he has already, ask you to forgive him and try to work things out with you. Make it a point to make sure that if you and him are going to continue to see each other (and have sex) it will be monogamous, you and him will remain monogamous and not have sex with other people while your working your relationship out. If he does not want to remain monogamous then please think about how STD's and HIV have been spread. People who have no respect for themselves or others will have sex with anyone, anytime and any place. DON'T BECOME A STATISTIC!
 
We dont talk at anymore..I'm perfectly content wo him now..I've moved on..had sex a few times (safe)and am just enjoying my life at the moment..people said it would take years to get over this but aftr I seen the girl he left me for..well I laugh at him now..plus he started to blackmail me so. He dont generally get a second thought from me..I'm enioyng life now and living it to the fullest.
 
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