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Please, I beg you to.

BREAKaBEAT

BREAKaBEAT

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 18, 2003
Messages
2,580
Location
Melbourne
I need to leave.
I can see you even when Im happy
I need to leave
Im eating , Im kissing , Im writing
You are here
And I need to leave
I adjust my pitch,
Clothes I don’t own
You are here
Words I haven’t spoken yet, framed more comically than intended
I am here , you are here
We kiss and laugh and we engage
Im awarded, applauded
Coincidence!
You are there
Im in love, I make it so that it hurts you
You see us, across the road
Im more beautiful, He’s dressed to hurt you
Your couple pales beside us
Our glory mightier than yours
Our love shinier more relevant
Than yours and I
We travel together everyday
Full of these coincidences
Your visits where
You are here
Affecting how I live
But you are not here
You are gone
And I need you to leave.
 
BREAKaBEAT said:
We travel together everyday
Full of these coincidences
Your visits where
You are here
Affecting how I live
But you are not here
You are gone
And I need you to leave.
Click to expand...

That's the craziest roller coaster of a poem you've ever written (that I've seen.) Awesomely uncliched, and these days... that's a tricky task.
 
I agree, very rollercoaster-y. The style was interesting and different. Makes me feel confused when reading it, but in a good way.

I especially liked this part for some reason:

And I need to leave
I adjust my pitch,
Clothes I don’t own
You are here
Words I haven’t spoken yet, framed more comically than intended
Click to expand...
 
I think if I explained what it is actually about, it wouldnt appear rollercostery, but thats never the point is it ?

Yes hmmm, it makes total sense and flows to me, but thats because I know what its about ! Should I explain?
 
Ok because you guys insisted...

Its basically about how I was in love with this Man (boy) and how even though my environment has moved on and I have new things and people and experiences in my life, I still consider him in my decisions and still imagine his considerations. I want him to leave... my head!
 
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