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Please god help me

"If you truly love something , set it free". - anonymous

just because you can't function on an intimate level doesn't mean you must totally cut contact forever, it could very well be you would be better off platonic friends doing their own things.

that said, my attitude towards relationships is, they are a mutual exchange. If your partner is not in your corner, if the two of you don't actually enjoy the other's company, you are not obligated to continue bloodying your nose banging your head on a brick wall. Yes, the initial pangs of loneliness are hard to deal with, but it's also an opportunity for you to find someone you want to be around, and for them to reciprocate.

Penny Reid — 'Don't set yourself on fire trying to keep others warm.'
 
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Luminaria said:
i wish my dad was still alive. he'd probably help me. maybe. but he didn't want a daughter, he wanted a son. he'd always look down on me so it's hard to say.i just want that kinda guidance a parent can give you...
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I feel you. 100 percent. I also always wanted so called "normal" parents, but at least parents they love me and show it to me. Parents their were proud of me and helped me when I had a problem. I never had. Always I had to do or clear up everything by myself, from school on. I know exactly how you feel, Luminaria, really. Feel this biiiiiig hug I'm giving you... Hugs sometimes heal souls.... or at least, it makes you feel better. I hope so, even it's "not a real one".

JJ
 
sekio said:
"If you truly love something , set it free". - anonymous

just because you can't function on an intimate level doesn't mean you must totally cut contact forever, it could very well be you would be better off platonic friends doing their own things.

that said, my attitude towards relationships is, they are a mutual exchange. If your partner is not in your corner, if the two of you don't actually enjoy the other's company, you are not obligated to continue bloodying your nose banging your head on a brick wall. Yes, the initial pangs of loneliness are hard to deal with, but it's also an opportunity for you to find someone you want to be around, and for them to reciprocate.

Penny Reid — 'Don't set yourself on fire trying to keep others warm.'
Click to expand...


That's why I buried my father with my therapist years before he died. And it helped so much I cannot tell.

JJ
 
Luminaria said:
The more I think about what we talked about, the angrier I get, which is honestly a first for me in a long ass time haha. "Maybe my expectations of you were too high". That fucking cuts deep. How is it my fault that she envisioned something unrealistic? It's like she's trying to push an issue she created entirely herself on me and make it my fault. She knew about my whole situation before I moved in with her - it's not an excuse, but more I can't magically conjure up a fix out of thin air. I had more independence before moving here and I miss it. The weather was fair enough for me to walk anywhere, and if the destination was too far, buses and trains were at my disposal. Now those options are gone and I'm in suburban America where if you don't drive you're shit out of luck. The worst part? EVERYWHERE else in the city has public transport but not in this particular side of town! She knew I was unable to earn any sort of income for a long time. She knew I was legally unable to obtain a driver's license until a certain point prior to moving here so I had no experience in that at all. She knew I came down here with <$500 to my name, that if I continued working at my previous job here that didn't pay shit I really would have died. "I didn't expect to date someone who was so heavily reliant on me". I've been here for less than two years! Give me a fucking break. That's not long at all. My therapist was congratulating me and shocked by how quickly I've recovered so I'm not sure if it would have been possible for me to go even faster.

It's frustrating. She thinks I'm not trying hard enough, but I'm trying my best with what I have currently available. I'm worn out from working so hard. I've been past my breaking point for a long time but I'm still going. God. For her to try and undermine my progress is beyond upsetting.



I'll keep trying my hardest 💗



Thank you... 😭
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You're welcome, sorry you are feeling so sad hugs ❤️
 
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