Please Critique

[ShiningDarkness]

My Ballad of Fallen Angels is for you to endure.
Are you a fallen angel?
Or perhaps you are a one-winged angel searching for another one-winged angel to stay aloft.
May tears of emotions rush towards your eyes, be it tears of sadness or joy.
Surely they will feed this hunger in my soul.
Azure skies of the clearest purity will finally be a part of my life.
If only I could hear my Ballad of Fallen Angels.

 

[.dR spgeddi]

Please Critique

My Ballad of Fallen Angels is for you to endure.

OMG if i have to endure another sappy love poem or even worse another lost love saga.

well actually i like it a bit. only coz its about emotions as opposed to love. if you build on it and keep the direction implied by

May tears of emotions rush towards your eyes, be it tears of sadness or joy.
Surely they will feed this hunger in my soul.

your thirst for experience through your hyper-emotional-thalamus-gland could yeild some interesting reading.

 

[ShiningDarkness]

Thanks .dR spgeddi for the comments. Please tell me what you think of the revision.
My Ballad of Fallen Angels is for me to endure.
May tears of emotion rush towards my eyes, be it tears of sadness or joy from this song.
Surely they will feed this hunger in my soul.
Love that's lost, happiness made magnificently,or sorrow thrust upon me: please enter my droll life.
Azure skies of the clearest purity will finally be a part of my life, or the darkest grey engulf my yellow sun.
Will I shed tears of immaculate blue or tears of crimson? This void that threatens my persona will be filled and occupied, and my life will be more complete.
If only I could hear my Ballad of Fallen Angels.

 

[.dR spgeddi]

ok, i'm liking it more too. its all a work in progress. but i wanna hear happy words nxt time! obviously not in this piece and not always, but happiness is harder to write, more challenging, and i think more rewarding.
in regards to the "Ballad of Fallen Angels"
cheers to you, i hope you find what youre looking for