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Pharmahuasca - First Time - felt like i was dieing

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hamhurricane

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For one night I fasted from all foods and medications the next day I took two 150mg maclobemide tablets. I smoked a small amount of pot, to pass the time with a friend. 40 minutes later, I took 75mg of DMT orally, what i considered (from reading on the internet) to be a very low dose, i had a second dose ready to boost the effects should they not be strong enough. i honestly wonder if i would have died, had i taken that second 75mg pill.

the effects came on very suddenly, me and my friends stood by the water and everything took on an odd japanesque quality. my friend looked like the japanese demon Oni. Alot of this had to do with him wearing a giant googly eye like a monocle, moments later everything started to look like a mosaic, but maybe ill talk about those visual aspects in another report.

what i need to underscore is i am a very experienced with psychedelic drugs and this totally tore me to pieces. i need to underscore totally. i have been torn to pieces once before by mushrooms, but that ended with me feeling like i was a beam composed of solid love. this ended with me feeling raped by the cosmos, i felt like an insignificant grain of sand crushed by the weight of time (i still am). time fell apart. i forgot how old i was. i thought i was my father. i promised never to do drugs again. i promised to stop. i begged time to return again, for the cycle of day and night to return. i felt like i was every crazy person who ever lived...existing in all parts of time at once.

then i actually started to think i was dieing. i consider my self to be very strong and self aware, but no words could help me no comforting thoughts came to me, except "this too shall pass" it very seriously seemed as if my lungs ceased to oxygenate my body, i begged my friend for water. he gave me a glass. i drank the water and immediately vomited, rolling in my own vomit begging time for forgiveness. i was in awful pain. then it was all over, and i felt great, high off of the very sensation of living. i tried to take a hit of smoked DMT just to see if the MAOIs were still active and it had absolutely no effect on me.

what i wonder is could i have actually been dieing? what if i was having some allergic reaction and i just could not tell because i was tripping so hard? or a hypertensive crisis? should i take less of the moclobemide? this was supposed to be a threshold dose and it was the hardest i have ever tripped. it was very revelatory, and thus a good trip but i feel depressed tonight. Mushrooms make me understand th significance of everyone in my life, this made me understand the utter insignificance.
 
I have excellent and wonderful experiences with rue extracted alkaloids and mhrb extracted dmt.

I'd love to hear how the two contrast if you ever repeat the experiment with a rue extract or harmine.
 
I have never tried pharmahusca, but have made some ayahusca many times and every time I expierence a death trip.
It is very frieghtening, but after the death is expierenced then you are on a psychic level of awareness.
DMT is my fav chem.
I think you just had an ego death....DMT and psilocin both work well at producing them.

I'd love to hear how the two contrast if you ever repeat the experiment with a rue extract or harmine
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I have only tried the rue/MHRB combo many times as well,
I have the oppurtunity to try pharmahusca...just that those death trips are intense and I guess I keep putting it off.
When I do finally try it I will give a comparission...whenevr that happens...
 
^^ I agree. True ego death is very terrifying, especially the first time. Well, it's frightening until you let go, and then it becomes transcendant. It sounds like your ego refused to let go, and so it was beaten and battered.
 
Your ego is who "you" the human are, all of your worldly survival and coping techniques, and so forth. Ego death is when that is "killed", or more accurately it is beaten down until it ceases to be for a while. The process of beating your ego down can be terrifying, and if you don't know what is happening you will probably think you're actually dying (like hamhurricane did). But once your ego is removed, you remain conscious, but outside the bounds of your physical manifestation (your ego). So you've awakened into our eternal state, the universal force of pure consciousness, and any knowledge and experience is available to you. You realize that your physical life is just a tiny blip in the endlessness of infinity, just a dream, and illusion, and that reality is much, much more immense than you had realized, and that you have always existed and always will, and that you are everyone and everyone is you, that we are all one. Needless to say, ego death is a glorious experience to have, a spiritual experience. But if you don't eventually let go of your ego, surrender it, then you might hang on until the drug wears off, in which case you will have an absolutely terrifying journey.

Here are two experience reports of mine that tell the story of two ego death experiences. The first was my first trip (mushrooms), and the second is from 2C-E, about 5 years after the first one.

mushroom trip
2C-E trip
 
At high trypytamine doses like DMT and psilocin you have no choice to Hold onto your ego. It is ripped from you.
For me at around 5 grams of shrooms there is still part of you that xan decide to let go or not.
At over 7 grams of shrooms you have no choice but to surrender.
For me at least.

DMT is very ego dissolving.
Ketamine is also, but in an entiely different way.
 
I can't explain how to let go, unfortunately. It helps to try to keep in mind that you won't physically die and that you'll be back afterwards.
 
Ive done Acid and then taken huge hits of whippets and at the same time did that pass out thing, (NEVER DO THIS). You kind of black out into some world of crazy colorful blobs. I always think Im dead,and Ive never flipped out over this. I actually am always like this is nice and go with it. Is this similar?

I dont do this anymore though this was when I was a wreckless dumbass...
 
No. What people are talking about with ego death is actually a shifting in one's conceptual framework (or so I've discovered through personal experience). This shifting is of course understood over a continuum. At some point in the continuum one still has the chance to 'hold on' and not give in. But as Illusion pointed out, on certain chems at certain intensities, it will take you whether you want it to or not.

Your I-concept will be taken from you and you will be left in a strange world.

Just dose bigger, beenhead!
 
Yeah, ironically, dosing large will force the ego death upon you (with the appropriate substance anyway) and will actually be easier for you. At least generally that's true.
 
To me, ego death is an internal scenario of having fear of actual death and fighting to hold on to life, which can force a catatonic-time-loop-state. The letting go, is just letting go of the fear and just saying fuck it what happens, happens; and if it's my time, then it's my time - then you'll come out on the other side. Thats the best way I can put it into words. DMT & 5-MEO-DMT are two chemicals that have forced me into ego death, you can learn a lot about yourself though, thats for sure. There's nothing like the primitive-survival mode that is ego death, to put your soul in check.
 
I still find with the egoless experience that there is still an essential YOU, just completely removed. Its an experience that can observed, but with none of the usual cultural, mental, social etc. hangups that attach to normal awareness. As Xorkoth said, pure perception. I think it occurrs easier for people who live more in their heads then out...but as the ego is in everyone, so can it be removed. I really dont like the violent imagery/adjectives associated with the ego-death experience, though when your there all that stuff just becomes conceptual nothingness.
 
hamhurricane said:
i have been torn to pieces once before by mushrooms, but that ended with me feeling like i was a beam composed of solid love. this ended with me feeling raped by the cosmos, i felt like an insignificant grain of sand crushed by the weight of time (i still am). time fell apart. i forgot how old i was. i thought i was my father. i promised never to do drugs again. i promised to stop. i begged time to return again, for the cycle of day and night to return. i felt like i was every crazy person who ever lived...existing in all parts of time at once.

then i actually started to think i was dieing. i consider my self to be very strong and self aware, but no words could help me no comforting thoughts came to me, except "this too shall pass" it very seriously seemed as if my lungs ceased to oxygenate my body, i begged my friend for water. he gave me a glass. i drank the water and immediately vomited, rolling in my own vomit begging time for forgiveness. i was in awful pain. then it was all over, and i felt great, high off of the very sensation of living. i tried to take a hit of smoked DMT just to see if the MAOIs were still active and it had absolutely no effect on me.

what i wonder is could i have actually been dieing? what if i was having some allergic reaction and i just could not tell because i was tripping so hard? or a hypertensive crisis? should i take less of the moclobemide? this was supposed to be a threshold dose and it was the hardest i have ever tripped. it was very revelatory, and thus a good trip but i feel depressed tonight. Mushrooms make me understand th significance of everyone in my life, this made me understand the utter insignificance.
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Could you clarify what happened here Ham? Did you have some serious physical side effects other than throwing up? Throwing up and having an intense psychedelic experience arn't that unusual for this combo. After you'd thrown up for a few minutes did you feel fine again?

I think an MAOI reaction is more serious than just throwing up for half an hour.
 
Xorkoth said:
^^ I agree. True ego death is very terrifying, especially the first time. Well, it's frightening until you let go, and then it becomes transcendant. It sounds like your ego refused to let go, and so it was beaten and battered.
Click to expand...

i dont know i normally consider myself someone who is all to skilled at letting go, i never fight a drug i just let it take me on its own journey with no agenda. this was painfull for me physically and mentally i cant really articulate why i thought i was dieing because i was so disoriented at the time, im sure i was in stomach pain among other things, and i have no problems with vomiting etc. but something about this was really desperate and awfull i dont know if it was the "dreaded underdose" or what but considering the power of the effects i could imagine my personal threshold being at 30mg.
 
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