People judge me.....

[Thorns Have Roses]

I don't neccesarily agree that interpersonal relationships are more important then drug experiences (or any other experience, for that matter). In past times, I had a very wide group of friends but have found that I simply can't tolerate 90% of them any longer. A lot of it has to do with my own desire for a certain isolation and freedom; I got tired of feeling different to my old friends, especially when I was (and am) certain that the way I think/see/do things is actually the more correct method of living; or at least, its a way of life that leads to more fulfillment of sorts. My own shedding of friends has been rather harsh and possibly abrupt to some, but I simply won't sit around drinking beer and talking about bullshit all night long. I would much rather sit around with me, myself and I and learn. I'm blessed to have my Miss Willow to be with, and my dog-friend Henry; I have a few very close friends, but I simply don't care for acquaintances anymore.

I don't think human beings are feeble at all, and I don't think we need other people to validate our existence. In fact, I don't really have a good reason for needing other humans in our lives at all....

I'll love you forever for this post. Seriously.

 

[killtheego]

I don't neccesarily agree that interpersonal relationships are more important then drug experiences (or any other experience, for that matter). In past times, I had a very wide group of friends but have found that I simply can't tolerate 90% of them any longer. A lot of it has to do with my own desire for a certain isolation and freedom; I got tired of feeling different to my old friends, especially when I was (and am) certain that the way I think/see/do things is actually the more correct method of living; or at least, its a way of life that leads to more fulfillment of sorts. My own shedding of friends has been rather harsh and possibly abrupt to some, but I simply won't sit around drinking beer and talking about bullshit all night long. I would much rather sit around with me, myself and I and learn. I'm blessed to have my Miss Willow to be with, and my dog-friend Henry; I have a few very close friends, but I simply don't care for acquaintances anymore.

I don't think human beings are feeble at all, and I don't think we need other people to validate our existence. In fact, I don't really have a good reason for needing other humans in our lives at all....

I agree with all of you what you said, and am personally also like this and am currently going through the shedding of friends stage.

However, you also have to realize not every human being is alike . Many, I can even say most, require some sort of human connection, that is just the way society works. I am glad I got out though.

 

[pofacedhoe]

Dude no offense but why are you attacking me via BL, no one has the right to tell me what I can and cannot talk about. It's not like I constantly talk about drugs I just sometimes bring it up. Oh and fyi she uses all the same drugs I used to do and is has wavering xanax addiction so it's not like she is on a different level then me. I was looking for support, not hate filled comments telling me to shut up.

if you dont want to control what you talk about and it's only one subject going over and over, people will get bored and fed up, FACT

thats not an attack

social skills involve conversing with another about something you both have an interest in. on bluelight you will find a million people to talk to about drugs, keep it here if you can and learn when and when not to hide opinions and interests from other people. this is learning to be grown up.

i for one dont go into work and start blabbing about how i grew opium in my back garden or trips on 4aco-dmt or mdma. that would be stupid behaviour on my part as drugs are a socially divisive issue , with ignorance fuelled by the media and most people are thicker than me on average (I.Q. test's prove this) so i wouldn't engage them to begin with...

 

[psood0nym]

I agree with all of you what you said, and am personally also like this and am currently going through the shedding of friends stage.

However, you also have to realize not every human being is alike . Many, I can even say most, require some sort of human connection, that is just the way society works. I am glad I got out though.

I think "shedding of friends" is what usually happens when people get older independently of whether they use drugs or not -- especially after leaving any kind of schooling. The social environment simply isn't as conducive post-schooling due to people marrying, having kids, moving on in life, or simply moving away. Losing those friends sets emotionally adaptive processes in motion to cope, including rationalizations for why it's better or no different without the old bonds. I'm not saying anyone is necessarily fooling themselves in thinking this -- the adaptation is sometimes genuine (and almost always is in some part) -- just that this emotional realignment tends to happen regardless of whatever reasons we come up with for why it's happening.

I for one am an only child and being so helped me early on to learn how to enjoy solitude. To this day I almost never feel loneliness except after a romantic breakup.

I suppose expanding the mind through psychedelics may provide grist for solitary satisfaction in that if you're using them well you're always uncovering or developing new parts of yourself to revel in (meeting new people isn't so important when you're meeting new parts of yourself). Though I realize it's sacrilege to say so, I have to admit that these drugs, these "mere" chemicals, can provide as deep a sense of satisfaction and personal significance as something like loving another. In the 2006 John Hopkin's psilocybin study many of the mothers participating compared, in personal significance, their first-time experience during the study to the birth of their first child. Clearly psychedelics don't work so profoundly for everybody (especially not in an ongoing way), but it's also obvious that for some they can provide experiences that really do seem to genuinely fill what would otherwise be voids in important areas of life. I think a lot of people are vehemently resistant to the idea because they're afraid that accepting that a "synthetic" experience can do that diminishes the authenticity of the rest of life.

However, for every one person who finds genuine happiness through solitary use of psychedelics (or other drugs), and so requires fewer social ties to maintain their emotional well being, there are legions of lonely frustrated people telling themselves they don't need close social ties so long as they have psychedelics when, in fact, for the most part they are merely rationalizing they don't because using drugs is so much easier and emotionally safer than cultivating and maintaining intimacy with others.

To illustrate: I know that, on average, having close social relationships is the number one factor that predicts a person's happiness (for adults, being married or practicing religion socially are always at the top of study lists, and both are about connecting with others deeply and sharing a sense of purpose). Certainly since starting graduate school -- an environment where people are busy a lot and come and go often -- in an area away from older friends, being in a committed relationship and opening up more with old friends when I do see them has grown in value for me -- and that's coming from a person who's used psychedelics for 14 years, continues to find them highly significant personally, and has been conditioned since childhood to be happy in a way largely independent of the participation of others. So before anyone concludes that, by and large, they don't need others, I would advise against activelyshedding friends that don't "get it" because in emotionally risky situations the true motives for our attitudes are often least apparent to ourselves.

 

[nopipesdfw]

People judge people, it is a required self-improving facet of existence. Don't give the hammer to stupid people who are just going to bitch, don't be in a position to get hammered down for any reason involving psychedelics, really.

 

[killtheego]

I never stated anyone should "actively" go into the shedding friends stage. I think you just elaborated on what I was saying, which is people are different, and gave reasons as to why they follow the paths they follow.

 

[psood0nym]

^Hmm. Well, willow11 said this: "My own shedding of friends has been rather harsh and possibly abrupt to some, but I simply won't sit around drinking beer and talking about bullshit all night long."

And then you said this: "I agree with all of you what you said, and am personally also like this and am currently going through the shedding of friends stage. ... I'm glad I got out, though."

That's a pretty direct implication that you aren't passively shedding your friends, whether you stated so directly or not. If it's not what you meant using those words I don't what other interpretation is supposed to be immediately clear, especially given the brevity of your reply.

Also, I thought I said much more than that "people are different," while providing a few examples of how they're different. The main point I intended to make was that anyone who goes through a stage where they start abruptly distancing themselves from friends needs to be careful their motives are actually what they think they are and not mere rationalizations to cover that the real source of the motivation is a problem of theirs rather than their friends' (depression, social anxiety, or a drug addiction, for instance).

For example, look at NeverKnowsBest's response to that same post of willow11's: "I'll love you forever for this post. Seriously." Now look at this page and the exchange between NeverKnowsBest and Dondante from just five days ago:

NeverKnowsBest: "That's how I roll. It seems my job searching strategy of don't do anything and things will become right on their own might work out in the end. REally, I ought to go ask or inveterviwiner tomorrow. Ya'know. That's not why wer're here of course. We're here for no reason. Born without consent, live without reason, die by chance. Or something sartre said. You knwo what I'm talking about. I'm the thinking passiveneess is indee d the way forward. All the elements of the good life seem to come to me if I wait and look long enough laying low. Might not have friends or anything many more, I'm sure I'll meet some cool people some time. But the internets lets you go on bluelight and chat up vendors and all kinds of amazing things. QWhat I'm saying is it all works out like we want it to, if that's what we want. You can't want things you an't have, you'll never be happy.

Be contented with a predcitable life with scheduled craziness or soething. thtat's all i'm asking for."

Dondante's reply: "^As fate would have it, I am compelled to tell you that passivity is not a viable approach to life and posting in anonymous internet forums is not a replacement for real interpersonal communication."

The full exchange can be read starting at post 524 here.

I don't think it's a coincidence that NeverKnowsBest is grappling with big issues of isolation and that willow11's post appealed so strongly to him/her. I do not presume to know the exact nuances of NKB's troubles, I'm just stating that the attitude exhibited in these posts by you, willow11, and NKB is the kind I'd predict to be held by people in a period of troubled transition rather than in a state of contentment.

Again, I'm not accusing anyone here of being guilty of anything in particular (I don't know anyone well enough to do so), just stating that reacting in such a way just because friends continue acting as they always have is warrant enough to be extra critical of the reasons we tell ourselves we're putting increasing distance between us and them.

 

[VerbalTruist]

From what you have said it sure sounds like you talk about drugs a lot. Fact of the matter is that you don't need to be telling people about your drug use unless they ask you about it. There are plenty of naive people out there, telling them about your escapades is definitely a no no unless they straight out ask you about it.

Another thing is as follows, ask yourself if you look like a drug user. Do you portray a stereotype? Perhaps this is why people are judging you. If you give the outward appearance of being a druggie then perhaps you shouldn't get so frustrated when they call you on it.

If they're calling you on it maybe you need to reign it in a little bit. I certainly wish that I hadn't been so vocal about my drug use. It might have saved me some headaches.

 

[killermunchies]

There are some people who love to talk about drugs and others who don't. If you had a friend that always talked about country music, that would get annoying too, unless you personally liked country. I've always found it best to put my friends before drugs, although that isn't that hard for me because most of my friends use drugs to some extent. As beautiful as MDMA is, I've found that most people don't want to hear about it. You have to learn who to share your drug stories with and who not to. In other words, don't let drugs consume your life or give off that illusion to people who would look down on it. While your friends seem to be way over reacting, it can be annoying when someone talks about drugs non stop. To some people, it can come off that you like drugs better than them.

 

[psychomimetic]

Sounds like you can
1- Change how you act around your friends.
or
2- Stop hanging out with the friends that judge you like that and get more similar/more accepting friends.

It really depends on what you care about. Personally, all my friends are also drug users and they're never negative to me about my drug use or frequent drug talk. But my attitude is generally that I am who I am and if people don't like who I am then I don't want to hang out with them.

 

[RandomGuy123]

Dam dude, you need new friends, your personality sounds similar to mine, except that I think I would probably stop doing drugs for a week just to show them it's no different.(Also I talk about drugs all the time)which might be annoying, but if my friends can't accept it for what it is then they aren't really friends, are they.
Anyway don't feel ashamed, but if you do care about your gf, then prove her wrong.

 

[ganja god]

I wouldn't even really call that a binge. Your friends are dumbasses dude, thats just the truth of the matter, find some better, smarter ones.

 

[Chunksta]

It sounds like TALKING about drugs CONSTANTLY was a worse problem than actually doing them.

This.

Some people just don't want to know, and want to use the first thing they can to backlash and put the blame on someone. Act clean, act sensible, relax, and just take a break if needed. Shit sorts itself in time bro, but you must give it a chance

 

[TheAppleCore]

If people are judging you for using drugs, then you have a drug problem.

Your problem is that people are judging you... because of drugs. So stop doing drugs for a while, divert your interest to other interesting stuff. Being able to do that is in an important life skill to have.

I don't think that giving up drugs or giving up friends is the solution. I'd say, make friends that can accept your lifestyle.

I don't really understand why some people have such a hard time associating with others that have different lifestyles or perspectives -- for example, I'd never touch meth, but I've got a friend who is pretty much a full-blown meth addict, and we still shoot the shit. I'm the total antithesis of a fundamentalist Christian, but I'm great friends with one.

In any case, there are plenty of open-minded people. My advice: don't change yourself to squeeze into a mold imposed by closed-minded friends...

 

[windowpaine]

I don't really understand why some people have such a hard time associating with others that have different lifestyles or perspectives -- for example, I'd never touch meth, but I've got a friend who is pretty much a full-blown meth addict, and we still shoot the shit. I'm the total antithesis of a fundamentalist Christian, but I'm great friends with one.

My guess is you respect their boundaries and they respect yours. For instance, I'm betting you don't constantly talk about your heathen behavior with your fundie friend.

That's what the majority of the rational advice in this thread has been. I have a friend who is vehemently anti-drug. As a result we don't talk about my drug abuse much and I don't make it a point to rub her face in the fact that I'm doing drugs.

 

[Sentience]

I hope there is no hard feelings with the OP. It was probably a bitter pill to swallow, but I hope it worked out and that he patched things up with his girlfriend and that he feels welcome back here anytime.

 

[swilow]

I don't think it's a coincidence that NeverKnowsBest is grappling with big issues of isolation and that willow11's post appealed so strongly to him/her. I do not presume to know the exact nuances of NKB's troubles, I'm just stating that the attitude exhibited in these posts by you, willow11, and NKB is the kind I'd predict to be held by people in a period of troubled transition rather than in a state of contentment.

I understand that; I would say that complete isolation is very detrimental. I also think that spreading oneself around too much simply makes your essence thin.

For me, personally, I am more content on my own or in a small, quiet social setting. About a decade ago, I was essntially partying constantly, and would never have believed that I would enjoy quietude, and yet- I'm right there.

Its like shedding skin. I'm not misanthropic, but just not very sociable.

 

[Sentience]

I am a social butterfly. I might have a few long term friends, but I will usually ditch them at a party and meet back up with them later. I would rather meet more people and expand my social networks. However, I feel no need to maintain most of my friendships to any degree of depth, except for a few people who I dont feel bad about ditching from time to time at festivals. Its always fun to run into them again.

If I went to a festival only to hang out with the friends I already knew, I would wonder what the point of going to the festival was. I could have hung out with them back home without all the effort.

 

[Thorns Have Roses]

I don't think it's a coincidence that NeverKnowsBest is grappling with big issues of isolation and that willow11's post appealed so strongly to him/her. I do not presume to know the exact nuances of NKB's troubles, I'm just stating that the attitude exhibited in these posts by you, willow11, and NKB is the kind I'd predict to be held by people in a period of troubled transition rather than in a state of contentment.

Again, I'm not accusing anyone here of being guilty of anything in particular (I don't know anyone well enough to do so), just stating that reacting in such a way just because friends continue acting as they always have is warrant enough to be extra critical of the reasons we tell ourselves we're putting increasing distance between us and them.

Heh, quite insightful of you psood0nym. Your analysis is definitely correct. While I'd say it is true I require much less social contact than the average person, there is certainly a need for connectedness, one that has never been met. I tend to delude myself into thinking I'm a misanthrope as a coping mechanism for loneliness, and sometimes I forget what parts of me are real and which are part of my fantasy world. I guess this is a sign that it's time for some tripping soon to get in touch with myself.

As for the friend shedding, I have been experiencing that since I left high school a couple years back, and none of it has been voluntary. Never been close to anyone, so it's not too hard on me emotionally. I wouldn't say I'm in a transition state, since I'not really losing anything concrete, nor moving towards anything else. Just trying to cope with the status quo.

I'm sure no one really wants to here my autobiography, but this does seem to be the thread for such things, typing stuff out probably helps me anyway. I have a very dismissive/fearful-avoidant attachment style (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_in_adults), to the degree that it is quite possible I have AvPD, though I'm alot better than I used to be.

I'm not sure if I've always shown these traits, but they were first noticed when I was 12, when they had a severe impact on my emotional/physical well being. I fell into terrible depression for the next 3 years. I started getting better when I stopped thinking about my problems and deluding myself into thinking I had none, and spent the next two years slowly improving in mind/mood. I actually felt happy for the first time in memory during the first half of my senior year in high school, I was employed, seemed to be making friends, and felt I may be ready to attempt some degree of closeness with the friends who had been around me for years (also started reading about/getting interested in psychs around this time, though I wouldn't get to try any for another year). Then that didn't work out, and the people I truly cared about said they had no interest in making our relationships any less casual, or they died in one case. My good spirits faltered from that point, but I stayed pretty stable since I was looking forward to university and the rose colored campus life that surely awaited for me.

The first semester there was pretty great, I was enjoying myself, and things were once again looking up, of course I had no friends there, nor did I socialize at all. Not surprisingly, this new level of isolation had me completely fall apart by spring and drop out. Ever since I've just been lounging around at home and in general avoiding all responsibility, it's been a mixed bag in terms of enjoyment. I'm hoping to turn over a new leaf by at least getting a job soon. At least then I can get the loan companies to stop hounding me...(currently 20 btw, will be 21 in March)

 

[jamaica0535]

Psychedelics are one of those things that you can't really understand unless you have been there yourself.

I don't consider myself to be a "good" person by most of the standards of society, but people tend to thank me for it when i try to take an active part in their lives.

I talked one person through an MDMA experience when a friend had an emotional explosion his first time doing it.... I helped him come to terms with his ex girlfriend, fixed his depression, and showed him that happiness can be found in so many places if you look at it the right way.

I gave another friend molly and he did it with an old friend of his on a trip. They fell in love in a bathtub over the next 5 hours. Still together a couple years after this.

Another friend met his girlfriend on molly, still together more than a year later.

LSD got rid of a depression i had been in for years the first time i did it. This one thing probably saved my life, because frankly i probably would have just killed myself if nothing had changed.

I actually just made a thread about a retrospective of psychedelic drug use because i work with people much older than me and a few have opened up to me about past experiences. Most of these people down the line seem like well rounded, happy, open, and accepting individuals with a great taste in music.

When i mentioned seeing Roger Waters preform The Wall (on 7 hits of acid the night before work -- didn't mention) and then staying up all night this one woman was like "I remember the days in college, buy a pizza, go out and party, go back to someones house, and falling asleep with warm bodies of my closest friends all around me. We were artist, and broke but we made due"

Another person brought up "I really would want to see that show, but ya know i would have to be in the state of mind for it." Then he brought up eating ecstasy. I kind of avoided the topic because my job matters to me but the guy seems like a genuinely good person.